The Mirror...

I was looking at myself in the mirror and I noticed that the prosperity was showing itself around my waist. Then I looked at my handsome face and continued getting ready for work.

That mirror showed me everything about me. The good things and the bad ones. It just told me the truth. No sugar coating, no diplomacy.
I as a person, chose to see only the handsome face and not the tummy.

That is exactly the role of a teacher in our life. A teacher shows us exactly what we are. A teacher tells us where we are good and where we are not. But, what to do with that knowledge is entirely our choice. When my teacher tells me that I need to improve my time management, I can either work on it or I can try to justify saying that my time management is not good but I'm good in so many other things. Just like the mirror told me that my tummy was big but I continued to look at my face.

Two fat men stood in front of a mirror, one saw the face, another saw the big tummy. The one who saw the face continued to see the face. The one who saw the tummy started working on it. Few months later, both of them came in front of the mirror. Who do you think had become a better, fitter person.

Whenever I give a feedback to someone in my team, I clarify that the intention of the feedback is to improve the person and not to humiliate or insult him in any way. It is my job to be a mirror there. And it is the person's job to take the reflection in the right meaning.

In the same way, when I sit in a discussion with my seniors, I'm sitting in front of a mirror. It is my job to receive the feedback in the right sense and work on improving on it.

All of us may not be fortunate enough to find a teacher in our life, but most of us do have a mirror in our mothers, sometimes in a friend, sometimes in the life companion. All of us have one person in our life who will always tell us the truth on the face. That person is the mirror of our life.

I've been fortunate to have the right relationships in my life who have showed me truth at every stage. At times when life cornered me alone, the everyday house hold mirror has been my companion. When you look at that mirror and look into the eyes of that reflection (your reflection)... those eyes have the power to show you all the truth in the world... Everything about you...

At times I have been mature enough to see it and improve upon it. At times I have also been immature and ignored it. And I can assure you that everytime I accepted the truth shown by the mirror, I have become a better person.

When was the last time you saw the mirror?

What can you offer?

I went to a temple few weeks ago with my friends. As we were entering the temple, some of my friends stopped at the entrance and bought some flowers to offer, others bought some coconuts. I wasn't sure what I wanted to offer, so I decided to enter the temple empty handed.
As we waited in the queue, waiting for our turn to come, the friends were busy in their chatter. I was a bit more silent (for a change). As I waited there, I was thinking as to what I should have bought as my offering.
First I thought I would offer coconuts to Him, but then I asked myself - who created the coconuts? who put the water and the soft white stuff inside that hard coconut? I found my answer, its Him...
Then I thought I should have bought flowers. Then I asked myself... who created those flowers? who added fragrance to them... Its Him...
Then I thought, I should have brought some milk to anoint his statue. But then, I saw what happens to the milk after it has been used for worship. That same milk could have satisfied someone's hunger... Who am I to take His creation and send it down the drain???

Then I got a bright idea... I'll just make a good donation in cash, that way I don't have to give him anything which he created... then again I thought... who has sent all this money and success to me? who gave me the right opportunities...

By then, it was our turn to offer our prayers. Like a small child, I just offered my thanks and walked out of that place, I felt already heavily accountable for all that I have received and feeling too grateful to ask anything else, I just came out.

On the way back, I was thinking, who's decision was it to ensure that I reached the temple safely and got the chance to offer my prayers?

Who chose to give me a good life and loved ones who care about me?

What is it that I have to offer??? What is it that I own???

My house, my car, my bike, my money, my success, my wealth, my family, my loved ones, my friends, my education, my very own body, my hands, my feet, my intelligence???
So many my my my my my's.... which one of these could have possibly come to me without His decision. If everything has come from Him, then what am I trying to prove by offering it back to Him???
Even my thoughts are not mine...
Yes, you read it right, even my thoughts are not my own. Haven't you had experiences when you were in a tough situation and some idea came and you got out of the situation.... knowing yourself, you also realise that you can't come up with such an idea... what do you call it???.... Divine Intervention.... isn't it??

So when even my thoughts are not my own, what is it I have then that I can offer to him?
Its just like a 3 year old goes to his dad and tells the dad - "Give me 500 rupees, I want to buy you a birthday gift"

I kept asking myself... What do I have to offer when even this body is not my own???
Then I realised... I still have one thing.
One thing which I absolutely own.
One thing which nobody in this world can take away from me....
Its my ability to make a decision...
Its my ability to decide.

We have no time in this fast paced life, even then, if I can take the decision to think of Him, that is my best offering to Him.
I had shared on my blog sometime back, my decision to sit in prayer is the best prayer I could offer Him... I still follow that...
When everything is going wrong, I sit in silence and offer Him my thanks and a promise that we will see it through together... that decision to sit is my best offering to Him.
When I feel like having a smoke, the decision to keep my arms folded is my best prayer to Him...
When I feel like hitting that person right in the face and break his nose, the decision to keep a smile on my face and hug that guy is my best prayer to Him...
When she just doesn't want to listen and I want to just bang the door on my way out, my decision to hold her and hug her as long as I can... that is my best prayer to Him...
When that skimpy micro mini skirt walks right beside me, my decision to look the other way is my best prayer to Him...
That decision to stop and take some time out, buy a few breads and blankets and give them to the needy... Not the fact that I bought them, but the fact that I took time out to do it is my best offering to Him...
We all get beautiful thoughts every day, but my decision to sit down, put them in writing and share them with the rest of the world is my offering to Him...

Whats your offering???

The lost purpose!!!

A few years ago, there were some terror attacks in Bangalore, as a knee jerk reaction, all the top hotels and clubs implemented safety measures. Even malls had security measures in place. Today, years later, I went to a hotel in my car, they stopped me at the entrance and checked the underneath of the front with a mirror on wheels, another guy peeped into the hatchback and satisfied, they allowed me to go.
My question is - If I was a terrorist planning to blow up the hotel, will I just waltz in with a bomb sticking out of the bottom or a bag full of grenades in the boot???
Obviously, I will be more prepared, obviously those things will be better concealed.... So then, what is the purpose of going through the ritual of checking .

Once I was stopped from entering my own office building because I was wearing a Pathani Suit and had about 2 weeks of beard on my face. I was carrying my backpack with me.

At the mall, they have a metal detector and manually check all the bags. I was carrying my lunch box, while patting down the bag, the person looked at my lunch box and I just said what it was, he didn't check any further.

When the project was started, it was decided to have a daily report by generating a status, analysing each item and updating the status. A few weeks later, the person preparing the report was only updating the exceptional items. Another few weeks later, the report was just a copy paste from the earlier day.

The Finance Controller was supposed analyse and sign each of the invoices before approving. He did that for the first few years, but now, its just a formality where the accountant brings all the invoices, in less than 5 minutes, over a hundred invoices get approved.

I used to go for an audit. Everytime I entered the building's parking area, the security guard would note down my vehicle number and time of entry. After a few years, they upgraded the security systems, now there was a security camera at the entrance of the parking area. Guess what, I still see the security guard standing there diligently noting the in and out times of each and every vehicle.

By the way, I'm yet to read a news article saying that a threat was avoided because of the hand held metal detector.

This is exactly what is called a System Entropy... System Decay...

Every process, Every system is bound to decay over a period of time.
People become casual, circumstances change, people change... a complete knowledge and purpose of the original system is never transferred to the next generation. As a result, the next person doesn't see things the same way.
Every system discussed above and every single system around you and me was setup by some smart people. Every system was designed with a lot of thinking an planning. The problem is that every single system designed was suitable for that time.

When I introduce any system, I will follow it 100%. The next person will follow only 80% of that. Next one to come will only 80% of what he learnt from the earlier person. Over a period of time, the original purpose of the process has already been lost.
By now, people are only following the steps without knowing why.

Think about it...

The only way I can see to avoid such System Entropy is to:
1. Constantly review the existing systems.
2. Never allow the steps to become mechanical.
3. Most importantly, never do anything without knowing why you do it...

Let's rediscover the lost purpose...

Just a housewife...

He was the pillar of the family, he pampered her, took care of her, provided for her, never allowed her to do any work, in turn, she took care of his family, his children. She was the ideal housewife with an ideal husband. Then, one day, he was gone. Taken away forever by an accident. She was left all by herself.

Years of being taken care of had made her incapable. She didn't have any skills to go out in the world and make a living for herself. After his death, she had to depend on her brothers and in laws to provide for her and her children. Now, years later, she is still a dependent.

Another, housewife found herself alone at the age of 45. This one was stronger, instead of putting herself down, she started acquiring skills, even she was dependent on her inlaws but for a very short time, in less than 3 years, she was independent and taking care of her children.

I was recently talking to a colleague, he has a wife who is also a housewife. He was proudly talking about how he doesn't allow her to work and let's her be at home and take care of the house all the time.

My question to him was - What will she do when you are gone???

I agree and understand that as men and as Indians, we like to be the earning members and provide for our families, but we also need to understand that confining the family's women within the house is the worst thing we could do to them.

"Gulshan, do you mean that we should make them work and make them do the household chores too? Isn't that too much for the poor women?"

My dear, I'm only speaking about making them independent, giving them an exposure to the outside world. Preparing them to walk alone if the time comes....

When they can do what we do, it is our job to do some of what they do too...

I don't becomes lesser of a man if I washed the dishes or maybe cooked once in a while. I don't become a lesser man if I can help her shopping the groceries or take out the garbage...

Infact, I sharing some of her work only makes me a better man.

I had another colleague who lost her husband and was up and independent in less than 3 months.

It is not necessary for them to work for money, they can just work for satisfaction...

Infact, every single woman should have 3 capabilities - driving skills, English and communication skills and a work experience.

Every woman has to have an exposure to outside world, then if she decides to give that up and take care of children and family, it's fine...

I repeat, being just a housewife is like being a frog who has lived inside a well all his life...

All my girls... Please don't do this to yourself...

All my boys... Please don't do this to your spouse...

Please... Rise... And help others rise too...

The India of my dreams...

I travelled to a country where I stayed for one and a half months and did not hear 1 single car horn. I wish India was like that...(yes, there were cars on the road, and more than you would imagine).

I have been to a place where all the passing vehicles will stop if you are standing at the edge of the road, thinking that you will cross the road... I wish India was like that...

I have been to a place where all the traffic cops are honest... I wish India was like that...

I have been to a place where if two people join a queue together, they offer the place to each other... I wish India was like that...

I have been to a place where the empty chocolate wrappers go into the pocket if there is no trash bin nearby. I wish India was like that...

I have been to a place where traffic stops at red light, no matter what time of the day it is... where yellow means slow down and not speed up... I wish India was like that...

I have been to a place where you can smile at a complete stranger and receive a smile in return... I wish India was like that...

I have been to a place where girls can be out late without being worried about their safety... I wish India was like that...

I have been to a place where someone would do anything to spend time with family over a weekend... not be out boozing with friends... I wish India was like that...

I have been to a place where television entertainment is still entertainment and not just women treated treated as objects... I wish India was like that...

I have been to a place where the first page of the newspaper talks about the good things happening in the society... I wish India was like that...

Everytime I think things like this, the sheer weight of the change required scares me... Just imagine changing 1,230,000,000 strangers... It's just too huge for me right now...

So, I've got a plan... It's a simple one and may take a couple of hundred years to work, but atleast its a plan...

I start creating the India that I wish for. I start by changing myself first.
I don't honk in traffic, I give way to walkers, I don't pay bribes to get out of a traffic situation, I throw trash in the trash bin, I'm courteous in queues, I slow down at yellow light, I return smiles, I value my family time, I watch clean entertainment...

I've changed myself, and I'm hoping that seeing me changed, a few more will change... and one day... hopefully in my lifetime I'll see the India of my dreams...

Appraisals...

The last time I posted about appraisals, I was discussing about my birthday and how I review the past year. This time, my sharing is about the appraisals which happen in the corporate world.
This is the time of the year when you can see drastic changes in the atmosphere of any organisation. After the appraisals are out, you can easily categorise the entire population into 2 groups - the ones who are smiling and the ones who are not.

Lets use this post to look at things from a different angle, understand things better, understand how people think, understand how to handle success and rejections, find answers as a manager, find answers as a team member and maybe find some peace in the process.

Before complaining about how your appraisal went, have you ever placed yourself in your manager's shoes?Those of my readers who have been in any senior position will agree that Annual appraisals are a more stressful period for the managers / HR than the employees themselves.  Infact, in my earlier job, I was always more scared about the appraisals which I had to do for my team, and not so much worried about my own appraisal. After all I was made responsible for their growth.

Just imagine the kind of questions a manager would have to answer within his head before he takes a decision on anybody's appraisal. For every single team member, the manager has to ask:
What has he done during the year?
Where does he need to improve?
Has he contributed enough to justify a promotion?
If not, do I see enough promise to justify a promotion?
If I take a risk and give him a promotion, will he be able to rise up to it?
If I don't give him a growth, how will it affect his career path and future?
What are the HR risks associated with promoting / not promoting him?
How will I handle a peer comparison?
All these guys are equally good but I have only limited promotions... what do I do?
And so many more questions which can take agonizing hours to resolve...
Trust me... most of the time it is much more than just having a list of names and writing % in front of them.

Now, lets look at it as a team member:
All of us expect to grow on the job... get promotions, receive increments etc. but what we need to understand is that promotions and increments are not something that comes by default. Just the fact that I have stayed in the organisation for so many years doesn't mean I am eligible for promotions. Just because inflation is growing at 13% doesn't mean that I should have to grow at that rate.
If I have not received a growth in this year's appraisals, I have one of the 3 options:
I can sulk about it and complain with every other person about it.
I can take it quietly and just continue to live my life as it is.
Or, I can have a frank discussion with my manager about it.
Now, be careful, frank discussion doesn't mean walking into your manager's cabin and asking "Why didn't I get a promotion"
What I'm going to tell is something I have done before and it has given me results, everytime I missed a promotion or an opportunity, I meet my senior and ask him these questions:
1. I was expecting a certain growth because I have achieved so much so much during the year. For some reason I didn't get it. I want to make sure I get it next year. For that, what do I need to do.
2. I want to be at this level in 1 year's time, what do you want me to do in order to achieve that.
3. What are the areas I'm lacking in? How should I work on them so I don't lose out because of those areas again.
4. What other areas do you see me potentially growing in?
And most important, celebrate the success of your colleagues. Releasing negative thoughts will anyways not help anyone.

As important it is to handle the failure gracefully, its equally important to handle the successes modestly.
Every success calls for a celebration, but just because you got a growth doesn't mean you have to go for a victory lap and rub it in the faces of your colleagues.
Instead, one should realise that a promotion is not a status but a responsibility. More than being happy, you should be working to make sure that you meet the newer higher expectations.
I've seen tons of people (including myself) who become complacent and over confident on receiving a promotion and that is the first step towards stagnation and possibly decline.

Over a period of time, I have figured out a few powerful questions which I would ask myself if I'm not satisfied with my promotion.
If I think someone else has got a growth I should have received, I ask myself:
Do you ask more questions than that person???
Do you provide more answers than that person???
Do you show a greater degree of independence than that person???
Are you more efficient than that person???
Did you come forward and take up more responsibilities than that person???
Are you the one who waits for work to come or do you come forward and take up work???

And even if your answer to all the questions is still in your favour, then take this up as a personal challenge and make sure that in the coming year, you display all these traits so prominently that your manager will have no choice but to give you a growth.

But Gulshan, its easy to say all this in theory, practical life is very differnt.

Darling, do you really think I have never received a setback???
Infact, I have been on both sides of the table and I can still promise you that in 12 years of my worklife, nobody has ever heard me complain about my appraisal.
Everytime that my appraisal was not good, I took it up as a personal challenge and over the next one year I  outperformed every other person and claimed my next growth based only on the results I produced.

Smile... Its possible...

History for the Future...

The year is 7013 AD. That's 7000 years after Christ walked the planet.
We live in a society which has evolved into a much more peaceful society, we have taken special steps to make sure we don't repeat the great war which took place 5000 years ago. We live in a single global entity with no concept of what was called a "country" before the great war.
Not much is known from before that time (before around 2000 AD) since most of the historical evidence was destroyed in the great war.
However, recent discoveries have shown some interesting facts. Just last week, I read a news article that we humans have not been alone through history.
An archaeological discovery made in the Asian continent has revealed a collection of recorded journals. These journals were discovered at the bottom of a lake which was apparently a city back then.
The journals have records of an alternate species which lived along side humans 5000 years ago. These were supposed to be violent people who killed humans and consumed their blood. They were called Vampires. However, there was one noble family among these who were against killing humans.
The entire history has been recorded in a 4 journal record called "Twilight". (Curious name for a historical record, isn't it?)
There have been other finds across the world which give records of Vampires on similar lines.
Wow... must have been a scary world to live in back then... isn't it.

Anyways, good thing is they don't exist now. After all, good always wins over the bad... doesn't it.
That's what I have been taught all my life. Infact, that was the exact subject taught in the shrine last Sunday.
Every Sunday, we go as a family to the Shrine of St. Harry. He is said to be the 43rd Incarnaction who walked this planet around the same time - 5000 years ago. His life and story are chronicled in 7 volumes representing 7 years of his life. The scriptures of the life of St. Harry have been found all across the globe indicating that St. Harry had a great influence when he was incarnated on this planet.
Interestingly, those scriptures talk about a lot of things as if they were magic, but in today's world, they are common technology.

Ok... I guess that's enough fiction for one day...

Now, lets come to present world... back in 2013 AD, Bangalore is still traffic jammed, I still need to make it to office by 8 in the morning...

I know this is the most sensitive topic to touch... but lets face it... Nobody knows for a fact what the world looked like 5000 years ago. Nobody has met the person who wrote these scriptures...
Please don't get me wrong, don't think I'm sacrilegious, but for all we know, what we consider as scriptures today could very well be novels written back then.
The same way, 5000 years from today, someone could think Harry Potter was a God and Vampires actually walked the planet.

Two Big Questions:
Question 1.
Why do we have to keep fighting over which religion is superior? Why not just take the learnings from these scriptures and use them for our growth???
After all, won't it be ridiculous if, 5000 years from today, you saw people fighting about whether Harry Potter was better or Edward Cullen was better... Imagine people having riots over this...

Question 2.
If we are going to leave our footprints all over the history of this planet, why not leave good foot prints. With the kind of movies, songs, corrupted content over the internet, what kind of knowledge are we creating for the future generations.

I know I have a crazy imagination and very few people might be able to appreciate what I'm trying to communicate. But, I really wish you could see things the way I do...