Something's wrong with me...

This guy went to a Doctor with a pain issue.
Doctor: What is the problem?
Patient: I've got body pain.
Doctor: Where does it pain?
Patient: Everywhere.
Doctor: Can you show me where?
The patient used his left index finger to point out all the places. He touched his left ankle, right knee, stomach, right elbow, right shoulder, neck, nose and forehead and said all these places are hurting.
The doctor was smart, he took a bandage and tied it on the patient's left index finger.

I gave an instruction to one person, he executed it incorrectly. I gave the same instruction to another person and he made the same mistake. I have 2 options - either keep complaining that nobody understands me, or think again. Maybe the problem is not with the people but something is wrong in the way I am giving instructions.

I worked with one boss, it was a bad experience. I worked with another boss, it was even more horrible, I have never been able to find a good boss. There are 2 possibilities - Either the God decided to give me the most pathetic bosses, or greater chances are that something is wrong with me as an employee.

I went to this coaching centre to study but didn't pass the exams, I went to another one, I didn't pass the exams...
I read this book but it didn't click, I read that book but even that didn't click for me...
I have never had a loving relationship...

If I find myself repeating any of the above statements, then chances are that I'm making the same mistake as the patient we met at the beginning of this post.

Infact, all of us make the same mistake as that patient.

When everything around us looks wrong, maybe the best place to look at is within...

Maybe... just maybe something is wrong with us...

Security = Carelessness = Problem

Something I have heard a number of times but have started realizing only recently. I’m still realising.

Dondu  - “If your horoscope for today said that you will live a long and healthy life, will you go and stand in front of an oncoming train?”

Gullu    - “Yes”

Dondu  - “Are you crazy? How can you say Yes”

Gullu    - “No, I’m not crazy, but that’s what I will do…”

Dondu  - “Why?”

Gullu    - “Because that’s what we all do… always…”

I had asked my colleague to prepare and keep a document ready by evening. On the same day, I asked my loved one to take a bunch of printouts before I reach home in the evening.

When I was closing my day, I asked the colleague whether he had completed the document, he made me wait for 10 minutes before giving the document, when I got the document, it was full of mistakes. So I had to sit and explain the whole thing again and make sure he understood it fine. Then I said, “I need it by tomorrow morning 10:30, it will be good if you could finish it by then” (how polite... tolerant... nice... isn't it?)

Left office, reached home, asked for the printout I had told my loved one to take and keep. It so happened that due to some issue in the printer, one page was printed half and another page got missed out. My first reaction was “I told you to take just a simple printout, you can’t even do that properly. How many times have I told you to check the printouts after taking. You can’t do even a simple task without making a mistake is it? Bow wow wow… bow bow bow…. Grrrrrr…..”

Why was I tolerant with the colleague but not with a loved one??? Maybe it was the thought that if I speak rudely, the colleague will just resign and go away, so I have to watch my language. Just because my loved one cannot or will not leave me and go, I take things for granted and speak the way I want to…

Just because there is a security in a relationship doesn’t mean I can become careless and take the relationship for granted.

This is true with so many aspects of life.

When a friend of mine bought a brand new laptop, he was not going to any internet site which shows advertisements, he was afraid of a virus attack. Now that he has the antivirus installed, he purposely goes to all kinds of sites possible to see if the antivirus protection is strong enough or not. Just because you have an antivirus doesn’t mean you have a license to take risks with your computer…

Remember when all of us joined our first jobs… the first 6 months were probation and we did our best, learnt the most, grew the fastest in those 6 months. Then we got the confirmation of job. Now that there is security of job, slowly the speed was lost, you started losing interest, started complaining about things, started cursing your boss... if you are still in the same job, chances are that you just go to office in the morning and come back in the evening.

Just because you have a job security doesn’t mean you can take your work casually…

Just because I am wearing a seatbelt or helmet I don’t get the right to drive recklessly…

Just because my girl friend is now my wife, it doesn’t mean I should stop saying “Love you so much” 25 times a day…

Just because I have a healthy relationship I don’t have the right to take things and people for granted…

Just because my horoscope said that I will live a long and healthy life, I don’t get a right to go and stand in front of an oncoming train?

Think about it…

Sangham Sharanam Gachhami…

Just recently I realized how much impact the company one keeps can have on one’s personality..

Sangham Sharanam Gachhami… This is the last line of a 3 line prayer having its origins in Buddhism. Literally translated, it simply means – I go towards the accompaniment (of wise men).

I have always loved to crack jokes and my jokes are generally the clean ones which you can share with your mom and sister. However, there was a time when I used to share and enjoy the “not so clean” jokes as well but that was long long ago and with a very different set of friends. Recently, I shared a few of “those” old jokes with my friends and they were quite surprised to hear them from me… “Gulshan… you have changed… you have grown up…”  etc and such other responses. Looking back I realized that I had started relating with my earlier set of friends which was bringing back the earlier, ordinary class habits to me.

At another point, I had unknowingly picked up the word “Raja” (meaning king) in my conversations, I would address anybody and everybody as Raja. Do this Raja, don’t do that Raja and so on. Again, a friend pointed out to me and asked where I had picked this habit. I realized that my boss used this word a lot and unknowingly I had picked it up from him.

Back in school days, I had started speaking wrong language after I moved to a new school. Almost every sentence would start with “Saale” (a slang word). Now looking back at it I realize that the set of friends I had in the new school were used to that kind of language and I had picked it up.

Infact, its not just about language. One of my friend had a habit of winking slightly whenever he spoke and a few months later I had my mom asking my why I was winking while talking.

There was this one character in my very early jobs who always used to crib about everything. Over time I had my boss asking my why I was becoming so negative in my approach.

This is true with every aspect of my life. When with irritating people, I start getting irritated; when with gloomy people, I find it difficult to be happy; when with happy people, I feel happier; when with smart people, I feel I’m working much more efficiently; when with punctual people, I am punctual and so on….

Irrespective of how strong I am personally, the company I keep will eventually start having its effects… both positive and negative.

Maybe it is a weakness, maybe it’s a strength. But all I know is that my "Sangham" has a huge impact on my personality and character.

Sangham Sharanam Gachhami…

This statement is much more powerful that it looks. It is true in both directions, When I am in a good sangham, I grow. When I am in ordinary sangham, I continue to live an ordinary life.

I guess the best way to use this understanding in my favour is to be in the best possible company. I maintain a company of smart, efficient, knowledgeable people, if nothing else, I’ll probably land up being half as good as them. The chances of growth for me are definitely much better that way when compared to keeping ordinary company.

This post is not just about me, try to replace me with yourself and you just might find it completely applicable to you as well.

I will not keep agents in my communication...

Was just thinking of a game we used to play in school days. We would sit in a large circle, I would whisper a sentence in ears of the person sitting on my right. He would whisper the same sentence in the ears of person to his right and eventually the sentence would come back to me after travelling the full circle.
Those of us who have played the game will know very well that the sentence I said and the sentence which came back to me will never be the same. Quite probably it will be 2 totally different sentences. A huge learning in this game which I realised only recently.
Was a part of a wedding function a few years ago. We were the bride’s side and I was playing a role in some of the organizing activities from the bride's side. In our tradition, we give a lot of respect and special hospitality to the groom’s side including all the guests from the groom’s side.
As the function was going on, the waiters were moving around the crowd with snacks and drinks in their hands and serving the guests. It was a mixed crowd with guests from both the bride and the groom’s sides.
At one point I saw a group of few people from the groom’s side who were standing without a drink or snack in their hand. On the other side, there was a waiter serving another group of guests from the bride’s side. Since I was busy, I told my cousin to go and tell the waiter “Serve the groom’s side and make sure they are comfortable. Take their comfort as a priority”. This cousin of mine, nice guy, went and told the waiter “Stop serving here and go serve the groom’s side”.
Obviously, the guests being served at that time heard him (they were my own relatives from the girl's side), and got upset with the whole thing. It became a huge issue, "Just because we are from bride's side doesn't mean you can treat us the way you want?", "How can you treat us like that?", "Why do you have to invite us and then insult us in front of everyone?"... and so on...
I tried to explain that even I am from the bride's side, we are just trying to be good hosts to the groom's side. Being on bride's side you should understand... but nobody listened.
It was an ugly experience to listen to bad things when all I wanted was to make this the best and most memorable function, after doing so much for the guests, I still had to listen to complaints.
The mistake I made was that I relied on someone else to pass on my communication. It could have been much easier if I had gone and said the same thing to the waiter. I know that I could have handled the situation much more diplomatically.
We all do this delegation of communication...
"Mom, Can you please ask Dad to get me a cricket set?"
"Can you inform Boss on my behalf?"
"I had a fight with her, we are not talking, can you tell her I am sorry?"
and so on...
Looking back at it, we even need an agent to communicate with our God...
The realisation I will take from this post is that "I will never have agents in my communication"
At times its much better to do things myself, especially when it involves communication.
Does that mean I will stop delegating work and do everything myself?
No. That will slow down my growth in life.
I will still continue to delegate but I will not delegate my communication. Whether it is a mail or SMS to be sent, or whether it is a discussion. If it involves my decision, I will be in the communication.