Empowering Parenting...

I'm not writing this post as an expert on parenting. Infact, I'm not at all qualified to advise on parenting because I'm not a parent myself.
But, I have been a kid like most of us and right now I'm just sharing what I have experienced as a kid in my growing years...

I was the laziest baby you would have seen. I never liked to fold my bedsheet after getting up in the morning.
But, I did like to make different shapes from paper... mostly square.
So, every morning, my mom would ask me to help her make a square by joining corners of the bedsheet... as I grew, I made the square out of the bedsheet myself... Even till date after I get up in the morning, I make the square out of my bedsheet and keep it exactly on top of my pillow...

All the parents have one common issue... kids fighting over toys... right???
My brother and I always got the same toys... every toy brought into the house was brought in 2's. One for my brother and one for me.
Once My brother and I (5-8 year olds) were fighting over a toy jeep... I thought it was mine and he thought it was his... We were getting pretty loud and physical about it... Just then, our mom came into the room, took the toy Jeep and just threw it out of the window... Weeeeeeeee it went out the window and into the open drain behind our house...
We were smart enough to figure out that anything we fight for will be taken away...
Interestingly we have never fought ever since...

Most of us hated homeworks when we were little... There were a lot of tricks my mom used with me when I was little, I still remember one of them...
Every evening she would give me dictation (spelling) practice... Since we were a joint family, she couldn't spend full time with me. So, she would come into the room, say 3 english words and go back to the kitchen. The challenge was to remember all of them and write them down. By the time I had finished writing those, she would come back and give me another 3 words. Over time, my memory and speed got so good that I could remember about 10 words which she would list out and go to kitchen. It strengthened both my spellings and memory even before I was 8 years...

I like all kids, was a troublesome eater... No child I've ever seen has loved eating... but I know for sure that every kid likes to win. Children are competitive by nature and love winning. I guess my mom figured out that secret as well.
Every evening, my brother and I would sit for dinner and the race would start... Mom would server half a bread (Roti) to each of us. Whoever finishes his half first wins the first round. Round after round I used to win. We had anywhere between 6-8 and sometimes 10 rounds of such half roti rounds...
Anybody who has tried feeding a kid (3-5 years age) will know what an achievement it is to have your kid eat 3-4 rotis.

For those who have just 1 kid, fret not...
Its a well known fact that kids hate rotis and rice... but, when we were kids, we just loved different shapes...
It takes just a bit of extra effort, and nowadays we even get metal stencils to cut out these shapes... instead of giving them round rotis, just try giving them stars and half moons and elephants and mickey mouses and lets see how they resist it...

Most of us didn't like veggies as kids... No kid likes tomatoes and cucumbers in salad... but they will absolutely love flowers and stars and different shapes cut out from those same veggies... All it takes is a good knife and a few youtube videos...
Trust me, it works... if you don't find anything, just catch me... I have a lot of experience with these tricks... (They have been used on me...)

Most of us who have siblings have felt this sometime in our lived - "Mom loves him more than me".
We were blessed never to have felt that...
Our mom made us a part in her parenting...
I was the first one to take my new born brother in my lap... not my dad or my grand parents... it was I who took my brother first time in the lap.... You tell me, will I ever get the thought that mom loves him more than me???

Both my brother and I were made incharge of putting our little sister to sleep everyday... My brother would take her in the lap and pat her head while I stood there like a bodyguard...
Tell me... how will any of us brothers ever think that mom loves the sister more than us???

These are just a few of the hundreds of smart parenting tricks my mom used when bringing us up.

I was never told "No". Even if it was not good for me, my mom would show me something better and change my mind instead of saying no...
Once I had my eyes set on a Hot wheels race track set... It was a 3 storey track set with 6 hot wheels cars included... My mom gave me one target... "Get within the top 3 ranks in final exams and you'll have it" I got the 3rd Rank that year... With a lot of excitement we went to buy the race set... When I was selecting the model, my mom said "But I don't know how to play this game... I'll get bored". I asked here what she knew and she showed me lots of other games which she knew...
That day I walked out of that toy store smiling from ear to ear because I had gotten a game of my choice... a brand new game of "Scrabble"... yep... thats right... "Scrabble"... and I was quite proud of it.
And thats how I got my games of chess and business.


Even when I once failed in a subject in school times, my mom said... "I know you will do it... don't worry son"... For the next few months... It was not the rank or success or respect which motivated me... it was just those words of trust which motivated me and kept me obsessed with my studies...

I don't remember ever being beaten by my mom, not scolded much ;), didn't hear too many "No"s, and I think I grew up just fine.

You might come up with some tricks of your own...

I have just one wish on my mind right now...
"20-25-30 years from today... one of your children should be proud of being your child and should be sharing a similar experience with the rest of the world"

Think about it...

Bikes...

I'm going to take you on an imagination trip today... But before that, lets brush up on some of the key companions for today's journey...

1. Rajiv Bajaj - He is the man credited with introducing the Pulsar range of bikes in India and turning the Indian bike industry around. At a time when the whole country was obsessed with mileage bikes, Bajaj Pulsar was introduced with world class performance, features and capabilities.

2. Most of you would have seen the movie "Cars". This movie is set in an imaginary universe where the whole world is only Cars. There's no human, just cars everywhere. Cars speak to each other, do things, do business, fall in love, there's a bad guy car, there's a hero car in the movie and so on. You can read up more about the movie on Google.

3. Imagination - Please have an absolutely over active imagination for the next few minutes. There's no limit to your imagination. Don't stop any thoughts which come to you while reading this blog. By the time I'm done, you would have had the most amazing reading experience so far.

Just in case you don't understand what's coming up in this sharing, just go for a walk, widen your imagination and come back for a second read... its absolutely fine...

Statutory Disclaimer -
I've not been paid by Rajiv Bajaj or Bajaj Pulsar to write this sharing.
I'm an absolute fan of Bajaj Pulsar bikes and the credit for all the positive sharing in this post goes to my Pulsar 150 DTSi.
The credit of your learning is entirely yours.
In case Mr Rajiv Bajaj ever manages to stumble on this sharing, I request him to take it in the right spirit.


Ok... Ready???


So, One day RB decided to create the most awesome bikes in the world. He gets the best technology, best parts available and the best knowledge available to build hundreds of Pulsars.
He builds all the Pulsars with best quality standards... They are all great... all equal... all best in their class... These bikes are built to be better, faster, more efficient and safer than any other bikes ever built... They were built to do everything... Race, go slow, mountain hikes, beach rides... everything which a bike could do...

Then, RB tells them to go on a 100000 km long adventure, enjoy all the best parts he's given to them and come back to him...

With a lot of excitement, all Pulsars leave RB's factory and head out into the world.

One of those Pulsars was very proud of himself. He took a real good care of himself, trying to maintain himself in absolutely showroom condition. He took such good care of himself that he didn't even go on the road because the wheels and tyres would get dirty. The engine was never started because the friction will spoil it. Shock absorbers were in mint condition because they were never taken over a bump. This Pulsar spent all day taking care of himself in the Garage. He never started his journey.

Another one of the Pulsars went and found a lot of other bike friends. They used to drink Diesel and loved the kicks. This Pulsar also tried Diesel but the problem was that his engine was never built to run on diesel. He ended up having a seized engine and never managed to complete his journey.

Yet another Pulsar went all around the world, but in his excitement to travel around the world, he never stopped to take care of himself, get himself serviced, change the engine oil or repair the broken parts. As a result, he traveled a pretty good distance but spoiled everything which RB had given to him. His shock absorbers were gone with wear and tear, engine tuning was lost because of no maintenance, chain sprocket assembly was gone, gears won't shift, tyres worn out and every possible problem a bike could dream of.

Another Pulsar decided to push himself to the max speed he could go... He hit the highways and hit the max speed he was designed for and more. In the process of going too fast, he lost control and ended up in a crash.

One more Pulsar had this habit of going too slow in the high gears.
(Crash course on gear shifts: Going slow speed in a high gear puts too much pressure on the engine damaging it. Going too fast in a low gear causes excessive revving, also damaging the engine.)

So, this Pulsar ended up damaging itself. It always shifted gears too soon and ended up struggling in every gear.

Another crazy one was the exact opposite, he would go fast, but never bothered to change gears. He kept trying to go faster while still in the lower gear. As a result, he ended up burning out his engine too soon.

Then there was this Pulsar who was different from the others. Not different physically, but there was something different deep inside this one... Something intangible was different in this one.

This Pulsar decided to follow all the rules necessary for him to complete his 100000 km journey.
He started with a shiny new body, hit a 120 kmph a few times in his life, climbed mountain trails, drove in the right gears, got himself serviced every few thousand kms, got the faulty spare parts fixed regularly, drove the right distances at the right speeds, hit potholes and speed breakers (after all its an Indian Bike) and yet kept going, There were smooth expressways and crowded rush hours... This one kept going. Learnt a few stunts too...


Finally, after their long journey, all the Pulsars came back to RB's factory.

Now come the key questions:

Do you think all these Pulsars are still the same equals they were when they left?
Of Course not. All of them are different. Enriched with their experiences on the 100000 km long journey, they have all changed. Some are better and some are worse, but they are all different.


Do you think RB is proud of all of them?
Maybe... Maybe not... Maybe some of them which performed to their peak potential will make him proud. He would still expect all of them to make the best use of the potential given to them...

Do you think RB still sees them as equals?
Should he???

Of course he still sees them as equals. After all, he made them... He knows they are all equal... He will absolutely love them all for they are his own creations.
That is the beauty of being a creator...

Do you know what RB will do now...
Because of all the Pulsars which made him proud, he will continue to create more Pulsars. He will create more powerful, more refined, more technologically advanced pulsars...
150 followed by 150 DTSi, followed by 180 followed by 180 DTSi, then 220 FI, 200 NS, 400CS, 400SS and so on...
Every Pulsar he creates makes him proud... so he continues to create more...

Today... I'm not going to give any message... I just want you to know that there are 7.2 billion Pulsars out there as we read this sharing.

I promised you a trip of Imagination... This is where I get off your imagination express.

Keep imagining and its entirely upto you to decide what you want to pick up from this sharing...

Happy Night Pulsars...

Clarity of Thought

Its amazing how learnings of life are revealed in simple conversations...

I was having a conversation with a friend when he asked me a question. A question which all of us get at some point in life... Depending on where you are in life you will get this question.
You could be in the middle of a huge project, or with your family on a holiday, or in the most difficult stage of life... When your mind is absolutely focused or amazingly confused...
A craving is sparked in your mind and you ask ---

"What is Clarity of Thought"

Sitting for a chat one of these days, one of my friend asked me the same question...

Now... I take pride in my ability to answer any kind of questions... But, this one stumped me...

For a change, I was quite and trying to figure out the answer...

After toying with different answers... I found it...

But before I share it with you, I'll make you read the rest of this sharing... Best part is that this blog is not about inspiring achievements and brilliant strokes of genius... This is just plain old Gullugiri...

I went for a movie a few days ago. During the interval, I, like all other mortals ran to the men's room... As I got there, I saw there was a long queue for the Urinals, on the other end, there were cubicles most of which were empty. I simply went into one of those cubicles, finished my work and came out. That's when others realised and started using the cubicles...

Once I went for a friend's wedding and as we finished greeting, I headed for the buffet (that's typically the main agenda whenever I'm attending weddings). Here too there was a long queue of people standing in the queue with plates in their hands.
The buffet was arranged in a typical Indian style with appetizers, breads, curries, rice, lentils and sweets in the same order. I noticed that most of the crowd was on the starters counters because  most of the people were starting from there and waiting for starters to be served. I simply took my plate and headed down to the other end of the counters. Filled up most of my plate with whatever I wanted and enjoyed the meal. Some of my friends were amazed to see that I was eating food in the wrong order... I just cared about eating...

Recently, I had an opportunity to help someone in a medical emergency. Normally, I leave the office late in the evening with some work still in backlog. But, that day, I left the office at 5.30 in the evening after allocating everything effectively to my team and they made sure all goes well for rest of the day... I was able to do it because I had only my friend's emergency in my mind at that time...

You would have been in a situation where someone's life is in danger and you know you can help by getting that person to the hospital... Do you really think you'll care about what people think about your driving skills or will you really care about the red lights you are blowing past???

I remember how I failed only once in my academic life, that too in my strongest subject. This set back my career by atleast 6 months. I remember how I had become absolutely detached from everything else for the next 6 months... I used to spend 14-16 hours at my teacher's place... personal life down the drain... sleep deprived... completely focused only on the studies... I used to go home only for eating and sleeping... I knew that I had to clear the next attempt of my exams...

I've seen for myself how most of the dudes in my team suddenly become super efficient on Friday evenings. Somehow, they complete all their tasks, with great quality and in half the time compared to normal days. I used to appreciate that a lot assuming that they are really committed to their work... Someone told me that apparently Friday evenings are filled with a different kind of plannings for bachelor dudes...

This is where I found the answer to my friend's question...
I found the key to "Clarity of Thought"...

Amazingly... its a one word answer --- "GOAL"

Yep... that's right...

Whether it was the men's room, the buffet counter, a friend's life, a movie you are late for, that girl you want to marry, the project, the exam or any other aspect of one's life... there's only one thing that can give you the clarity of thought... A Goal.

Look back into your own life and remember every time when you were focused on a singular goal... That was the time when your thoughts were absolutely clear... When you did not care about what happens around you... When you didn't care what people around will think or say...

All you cared about was that Goal you had in sight and how to get there...


I'm not sharing some philosophy... I'm not trying to motivate you... No amount of motivational articles can give you the clarity of thought which you have already experienced in glimpses...

We already have all the answers we will ever need... Infact we have even implemented them in our own lives... its just that we can't see them...

Goal... A Singular goal... A positive goal... That is what will give you all the Clarity of Thought you'll ever need...

Think about it...

Choosers can't be beggars!!!

Yep... you read that right...

The most amazing thing about life is that it keeps throwing lessons at you... Its entirely upto you to decide which ones to catch.

Was having a conversation with some friends and we were talking about some limited options. One of my friends just casually said "Choosers can't be beggars".
Actually he wanted to say "Beggars can't be choosers" but it came out the other way round.
We all laughed it away as another slip of tongue... but after a few minutes... I realised that what he said was absolutely true... albeit by mistake... but true nevertheless...

Beggars can't be choosers...
All of us find ourselves begging for jobs... begging for favours... begging for attention... begging for appreciation... and then we happily take whatever is given to us...

Because we are begging, we take whatever we get and hence the famous saying...

Tell me something...
Have you ever seen Gandhi beg?
Have you ever seen Ambani beg?
Have you ever seen Gates or Buffett beg?
Have you ever seen Jobs beg or Sachin Tendulkar beg?
Have you ever heard of Alexander the Great having begged?
Take any incarnation in any of the religions, and tell me if any of them ever begged???

Just for the fun of it, lets imagine how it would be to if all the legends of our history were to start begging for the things they wanted...

If Sachin Tendulkar was to beg the bowlers to bowl slow balls so he could hit sixers... would you respect him so much?

If Jobs was to come to your doorstep and beg you to buy his phone... would you respect apple devices so much?

If Alexander the Great were to beg each ruler of the world to surrender to him... do you think he had a chance to become the ruler of the world???

No way.... right??

No greatness has ever been achieved by begging or by being helpless....

The Gandhi chose to be non-violent and held on to his choice.
The Ambani chose to create an empire and strived for it.
Gates and Buffett made the right choices at the right time.
Every time Jobs was pushed down... he came back with a product that you would helplessly have to buy.
Every time he got sledging on the pitch, Sachin Tendulkar hit a six on the next ball.

Every great person was a Chooser... not a Beggar...

These legends chose what they wanted and then worked towards it... Did they always get it??? maybe not...
But did they have to beg??? definitely not.

Even when they failed, they had enough attitude that they did not beg and they chose to bounce back.

Truly, Choosers can't be beggars... even when life puts them down.

You will never see a successful man making this statement.

"Beggars can't be choosers" is a shield behind which the weak hide.

That day, while speaking, although by mistake, my friend showed what we are truly made of...
We can all choose to be Choosers and we will never have to be Beggars in life, because, "Choosers can't be Beggars"

Think about it...

What's your legacy???

Long long ago, in a place far far away, I was working with an ex colleague (Lets call him Dondu). Dondu had put in his resignation. While we were working on one of the reports, I noticed that Dondu was completing his work very fast, I got a bit suspicious and asked him whether he was actually checking the reports to see if they were coming correctly.
Dondu coolly replied - "Who cares, its my last week, even if they are wrong, I'll be long gone from this god forsaken place"

In a week's time, Dondu was relieved from his duties. A few months later, guess what --- the mess surfaced...
We spent over two weeks correcting what Dondu had left behind... Even to this day I remember what he had "Left Behind"


At another time, I went to a friend's house. He was shifting out of his apartment and going abroad. He had sold his apartment and was just there to pick up the remaining stuff. As we were in the lift, he threw the gum he was chewing in the lift itself... I told him it was unhygienic. He just replied that he wasn't going to come back anyways... so how did it matter.


Once my dad took me to a wildlife sanctuary. I was probably 8 or 10 years that time. We had ice creams and once I had finished I just tossed the empty ice cream cup nearby. Although there was a dust bin nearby, I just threw it nearby.
My dad noticed and said something which changed my life forever... "Tu saala Indian ka Indian hi rahega... jahan jayega... kachra failaiga..."
("You'll stay a **$#@* Indian all your life... leaving garbage behind wherever you go")

I felt very bad... My ego was seriously hurt. Yes... I was 10, but I still felt humiliated. I walked back, took that cup and went all the way to the dustbin to throw it in the bin.

Just so you know, my Dad is more Indian than most of us, but that comment that day had a purpose behind it.
I decided that I will change the meaning of being an Indian. I decided that I will make sure that every place I have been to should be clean after I have left. I have not littered for more than 22 years now. Not even a chocolate wrapper on the road side.


I was out shopping the other day and a girl walked up to me. She came up to me and said "Hi Gulshan Sir, recognize me?"
Obviously I didn't recognize her and I told her honestly that I wasn't able to place her face. She said that she was my student 5 years ago. I used to take a little extra something after every class and this girl remembered those extra snippets I taught. She told me how much difference my way of teaching had made in her life, both the academic aspect and otherwise.
It felt really great, especially because I myself never realized the value of what I was doing back then.


In every single thing I do, whether I'm working, sitting with family, with friends, having fun, on the road, in the mall, in the park... Wherever I am, I'm leaving something behind.
What I leave behind will stay there. It will have an impact. It will be my reminder. It will either help someone or disturb someone.

When I work and leave, I'm leaving my results behind.
When I teach and leave, I'm leaving my knowledge behind.
When I'm littering, I'm leaving garbage behind.
When I'm angry, I'm leaving disturbance behind me.
When I share a joke, I'm leaving smiles behind.
When I leave home, I'm leaving a hug and love behind.
When I pray and leave, I'm leaving gratitude behind.
When I'm writing, I'm leaving my learnings behind.

Whatever I leave behind will have an impact on those who come after me.
Whatever I leave behind is what I will be remembered for.
Whatever I leave behind is going to be my legacy...

It is entirely upto me on what I leave behind... It is entirely my choice to decide what the world will remember me for after I'm gone.

I will make sure that when I'm gone, everyone behind me will remember me only for the right reasons. For the value I added to their life.

I will make sure I leave behind a legacy. A legacy that will be valued. A legacy I will be remembered for...

The "I" here is not just for the writer of this blog... the "I" here represents each and every one who is reading this blog.

What are you leaving behind???
What's your legacy???

Think About It...

Life - Tests, Choices and Lessons...

I had a recent experience and it was so profound that I felt like sharing with everyone. Honestly, there couldn't have been a better way to come back to blogging after such a long break.

Here it goes...

Dondu and Pandu are friends.
Pandu also has another friend Golu.
Golu has never met Dondu.
One day, Life decided to test these three.

Morning 10 am - Dondu has been very ill and needs a blood donor. Dondu's parent's and loved ones are worried sick and trying everything to find a matching donor.

Sometime in the morning - Pandu started looking for a donor.

Afternoon 4 pm - Golu saw Pandu's message and offered to help.

Evening 6 pm - Golu was able to reach the hospital in time and luckily he matched the requirements.

Evening 9 pm - Donation procedure has been completed and everyone's relieved that things will start getting better now. Pandu and Golu are not able to meet Dondu since its already too late so they decide to leave for the day. Pandu is just worried that Golu might be a bit woozy after the whole process of blood donation.

Night 10 pm - Pandu drops Golu midway home to make sure he's fine. Golu reaches home and once they chat up with each other, they both go to bed.

Next day - Dondu is already on the way to recovery.

3 days later - Dondu is home and fine. He still hasn't met Golu, so he calls Golu to thank and now they are both good friends. Everyone is grateful to Pandu and Golu.

By now, word has spread in the whole friends circle and everyone is impressed with Golu. Everyone has appreciated Golu for the way he responded.
Golu's chin has been up ever since and his chest size has gone up by a few inches (with pride).

Nice story right? Short and sweet with a happy ending... right?

Well, this is where the learnings start...

1. First, I realised that fact that what is seen is noticed. The fact that Golu was able to leave things and respond very quickly was straightaway noticed by everyone. As a result, he was appreciated well in the friends circle.
Interestingly, Pandu did not receive as much accolade even though he was instrumental in mobilising donors, spent the whole day in the hospital, left business work, and not only that, he even made sure that Golu reached home safely. This was known only to the 2-3 people who were involved from start to end.
As a result, only those limited people were able to appreciate how much Pandu had actually contributed.
Moral of the story --- Whether good or bad, people will notice only if they are able to see it happen. This holds true in every aspect of life. Your boss will be able to notice your work only if you show him the results. Even your spouse will appreciate your love only if you are able to show it every now and then - flowers, chocolates, good meal, help in the kitchen etc.

2. Second, I realised that Pandu played a very important role in Dondu's life that day. He was there as a friend and did everything he could to help when Dondu needed him.
Similarly, Golu was able to make himself available and help Pandu when Pandu needed someone to help. This cycle goes on. Each one of us plays these 2 roles in life.
The question you need to ask yourself is - Do you have atleast one such friend in your life who will do for you what Pandu was able to do for Dondu? Do you have that one person you can count on in time of need. If you have not been able to earn atleast one such friendship, something needs to be corrected in your life. Do you have that "Special Friend"?
The More important question you need to ask is - Have you ever been such a person when your friend can count on you. Have you been that "Special Friend" to someone? If not, do you have someone about whom you care enough that when the time comes, you will become that Special Friend?
I have lived a good life if I have that "Special friend" and I am a "Special Friend" to someone...

3. Third, beware of pride.
That day, Pandu was in the right place at the right time. It could have been anybody else but Life chose Pandu as the right person to be there.
Similarly, Golu happened to be in the right place at the right time and the right match. He could have been anywhere in the world but Life chose to have him in the same city just a half hour drive away.
Pandu and Golu need to realise that they are just tools used by Life to take care of Dondu (Very precious tools indeed... but still tools of Life). It is not correct for them to think that its their credit. They just did the right thing.
We cannot allow pride and ego to take up space in our minds, "Aham" as its called in Sanskrit.

4. And Finally, its all about choices. Both Pandu and Golu could have chosen to be anywhere else in the world. Pandu could have worked on a project all day long and be home for dinner with his wife. Golu could have been in his workplace haggling with clients. But, when Life's test came up, everything else seemed small and they both chose to help in every way they could.
If any one of them had chosen otherwise, this blog would not have happened.

Its our choices that make us who we are...

Think about it....

Make-up

Ok... before you think that I'm an MCP, let me clarify that this blog is not targeted towards any gender. I'm just trying to understand what goes through one's mind...

Those who are dark in complexion want to be white.
Those who are fair take sun baths to develop a tan.
Do you not like your own lips?
Do you not like your own eyes?
Do you not like your own hair?

Then, why you would want to apply an artificial colour on your lips and nails.
Why would you want to change the colour of your hair to anything other than the way its been given to you.
Why would you wear coloured lenses to change your eye colour.

I've known people who do not step out even to buy milk without wearing make up... and then there are female friends who I have known for years and still got shocked when I saw them without makeup some day.

We spend so much time worrying about our looks... obsessing in front of a mirror.
Can we not have an inner beauty which shows up on our face?

I'm not talking about becoming a renunciate and to stop caring about how you look.

We live in a world which judges us by our looks.

It is necessary to look smart at work, to look pretty on a date...

Can you be so healthy that your skin glows and you don't need make-up
Can you be so happy that your face looks good without make-up too
Can you drink so much water that your lips have that natural colour and don't need lip colour
Can you eat so healthy that your nails have that beautiful pink
Can you take pride in the greys up there... atleast what's left of them...

Can you live just a week without make-up??? Can you live a week without looking at a mirror and still be confident about how you look?
We all love ourselves... but the answer to this question will tell you how much you love yourself as you are...

Think about it...