That Someone!!!

Is there someone in this world in whose company you don't need to think about how you look or how you are dressed? Hold on to that someone...
Is there someone in this world with whom you can share your every feeling? Hold on to that someone...
Is there someone in whose presence you know that nothing can go wrong? Hold on to that someone...
Is there someone who loves you the way you are and does not try to change you? Hold on to that someone...
Even if everything is perfect, without someone it feels incomplete? Hold on to that someone...
Even if everything is wrong, with that someone by your side, it feels alright? Hold on to someone...
Someone with whom you can sit for hours without saying a single word and still feel complete? Hold on to that someone...
You can smile or break into tears for no reason just by looking in someone's eyes? Hold on to that someone...
It could be a tender hand that gives you strength, or a strong hand that gives you comfort... Hold on to that someone...
Someone who tells you when you are on a wrong path... Don't let go of that someone...
When you are idle with a phone in your hand, whose number do you dial? Hold on to that someone...
Hold on to that someone with whom you fight the most and find it most difficult to say sorry...
Someone who takes you for an Icecream irrespective of your exam results... Hold on to that someone (atleast that guarantees a lifetime supply of icecreams)
Hold on to that someone who sheds a tear for your pain and then hits you on the head for being melodramatic...
This someone can be anybody... Mother, Father, Grandma, Brother, Sister, Spouse, that special friend, that friend from kindergarten, your child... Anybody...
Just hold on to that someone... Most of the time we don't realise the value of what we have until it is gone...

In the Beginning...

This was my first client. I was just starting off with my practice. Client was a small company with limited finances and no admin staff. As a gesture of support in the beginning, I agreed to have the documents / records picked from their office at no additional cost. Over time, the company grew, they got more employees, moved to a bigger place, but my person was still going to collect the documents from their office.
Then one day, I asked the client to send the records to our office through their delivery boys. It was not a pleasant experience, they got upset about the fact that we were not sending a pick up boy any more.
What the client did not realise was that the entire gesture of I sending a pickup person was only for initial support and not a long term service.

One of those days we ended up working late in office. My house was a walking distance from the office and a friend's house was a 45 minute drive. That day my friend borrowed my bike to go home as it was late night and I could walk home.
This happened a couple of times more. By now, my friend was just informing me that he was taking the bike, instead of asking.
Then one day my friend took the keys and drove the bike, and probably forgot to tell me. I had to leave for a last minute meeting in the evening and behold.... the bike is missing.
When I discussed this issue with my friend the next day, he was not very pleased about it.


We all make this mistake in the initial excitement of any relationship whether it is personal life, professional life, as a friend, as a boss, as a team member, as a boyfriend / girlfriend.
In the beginning of the relationship, we go that extra mile to please the other person and somehow the receiver of such gestures begins to think of it as his right. But as time passes by, we have to stop doing those little special things.
Maybe because of time constraints, other commitments, cost constraints. Whatever the reason, the fact is that we stop something and then it is not a pleasant experience. The question we need to ask is that whether it was worth starting in the first place???

I used to pick her up from the airport / railway station whenever she used to come to the city. Its 5 years today and if I'm in the city, I still go and pick her up and drop her whenever she is travelling out of station and I know I can continue for as long as I know.

If I start something new in the beginning of a relationship... I should ask myself whether I will continue doing it forever? If the answer is yes, then I should go ahead. If not, then I should really ask myself whether this is required.
In the above examples, wherever things did not end well, it was probably my mistake for not clarifying the expectations on the very first day.

Second learning that I just realised is that whenever I'm giving a favour, I will clarify the expectations that this is only this one time. In the same way, whenever I'm receiving a favour, I should realise that it is only a favour and not a right. I have no right to be upset if it is denied to me tomorrow.

Learn to Receive Appreciation

This friend of mine teaches french. I have seen for myself atleast 3 such students who were scoring below 15% marks in exams and started scoring 90% and above after learning french from my friend.
We were talking about this the other day and I told my friend "That's amazing, Now you have become a teacher. Everyone will call you ma'am"
To this my friend replied - "Its nothing, I'm not doing anything great. I still have to go a long way"
I immediately went into firing mode. I told her... "when someone gives appreciation, you should learn to accept it. How can you say "its nothing" for a result which you have created with your own efforts?"
The response could have been - "Thanks a lot, I know I still have to go a long way" - Without any negative language.
This is just one random example, but if we look around us, we will notice that this is the attitude everywhere.
Knowingly or unknowingly even we do the same thing. Everytime someone appreciates us, our first responses are "No, thats nothing great", "Nothing much" and so on.
What we don't understand is that appreciation is a very powerful force.
By saying no to appreciation, we are repelling the powerful positive thoughts released in our favour.
I know very well how much effort I put in my work, and when someone appreciates my work, why should I accept it with anything less.
I understood this fact early on, thats why I always accept any appreciation with 3 important components:

1. Acceptance
2. Gratitude
3. Ambition

Whenever someone appreciates me, I always reply with "Thanks a lot, that was pretty good, I still need to go a long way". By doing that, I'm accepting the compliment with gratitude and in the same sentence I'm also stating that I can do much better.

But, Be Careful...

Accepting appreciation is good, but I should not become dependent on Appreciation. I should not reach a stage where I'm dependent on others' appreciation.

At the same time, there is no need to go around boasting and appreciating myself on my own.

Appreciating my work is other peoples' work, let me leave it to them.

As long as I know that I'm good, I don't need anybody's appreciation, but at the same time, I should accept any appreciation with an open mind.

Think about it.

Interpretations...

I used to stay with some friends sharing an apartment. We were pretty good friends. One of those days we were planning for a weekend movie. I was not sure how my work was going so I didn't confirm. I just said "we'll see".
One of my friends said that gulshan's "we'll see" means he's not coming.
We went to have a little heated discussion and I walked out of the conversation as I saw myself losing cool.
Later, when we were cooled down, we had a patchup talk and I had to clarify that when I say something I mean exactly that thing, nothing more or less.
I don't really blame my friend, it's just unfortunate that we are in a world of unclear communication and have to interpret anything someone says. We go on to make multiple interpretations and choose the one most suited to us.
Somehow I don't have that skill for that kind of communication. I just speak exactly what I mean.
So here's a clarification to the world on what I say and what I mean:
I say - I'll see
I mean - I'm not sure how things are getting planned. So I can't commit, I will see
I don't mean - I'll not join

I say - nice dress
I mean - nice dress
I don't mean - I am not trying to get myself a date

I say - I need to be alone
I mean - I need to be alone
I don't mean - I'm not holding a grudge of anything you did. I'm not angry. I'm not upset with anything.

I say - I'll think about it
I mean - I'll think about it
I don't mean - I'm not rejecting the idea

I say - good morning to my boss
I mean - good morning
I don't mean - I'm not sticking up for the next promotion

I say - food is good
I mean - food is good
Everytime I compliment someone, the first response I get it "really?". I really have to hold myself back from saying - "No, I just got bored of sitting around so I gave u a false compliment"

I don't use the words like soon, shortly etc. Soon could mean 1 day to you but 1 week to me.

I just wish we were in a world where there was clear communication and no need to interpretation.

Teacher

Its once again that part of the year when we all feel grateful to our teachers.
5th September, as most of us know is celebrated as Teacher's Day. Its a big celebration in schools and colleges where students go out of the way to please their teachers, make their teachers feel special and show their gratitude towards their teachers.
I remember when I was in school, we used to decorate the blackboard with drawings and slogans written for our teachers. We used to decorate the class, get roses, chocolates, greeting cards, hand made cards, letters and all kinds of gifts for our teachers.
Somehow, as we grew out of our schools and colleges, this concept of celebrating Teacher's Day was lost somewhere. Is it that we have stopped having teachers in our lives? Or is it that we have stopped being students? Or is it that the existence of a teacher is only restricted to our schools and colleges?

Who is a teacher? - A teacher is someone who teaches. Right?

Definitely the one who held my hand and taught me to write ABC was my teacher.
Definitely the one who taught me the fundamentals of accountancy was my teacher.

But, isn't it true that:
the one who handheld me on my first day on job is also my teacher?
the one who taught me to face a client is also my teacher?

the one who guided me through my first sales call, first presentation is also my teacher?

the one who taught me the tricks of trade is also my teacher?
the one who taught me life is also my teacher?

you might think I'm cranky, but what about the Gym Trainer who taught me the right way to exercise and helped me shed 5 kgs?

How is it that we don't wish these teachers a Happy Teachers' Day?

Is our gratitude restricted only to Text book teachers?

Can I grow enough that I see a teacher in every person from whom I have learnt something positive and progressive and atleast today feel grateful to that person?

With Gratitude in my heart, I dedicate this post to all those teachers who have directly or indirectly contributed to my growth in life.

Happy Teachers' Day

Still the same?

I had a colleague once, he was senior to me and had been in the organisation for long before I joined. One day he told that he was resigning the job to look for better prospects. I knew that he had been promoted recently and was sure that he was being paid well enough. Since we were close enough, I asked him what the problem was and why would he want to leave a job like this.
He said - "I have been here for so many years. I've got very good salary increments from the day I joined and have been promoted almost every year. But if I see, all the promotions are only designation changes for me. I'm still doing the exact same work which I was doing on my day 1. Even if I stayed here for the next 10 years, the chances are that I'll continue to do the same work. Where have I grown? What new have I learnt? Where have  I improved professionally? If I had to leave this place, what skillsets am I going to take away from here?"

Of course, he went on to resign his job and is now working in a much larger organisation. His questions pretty much turned my outlook towards my work.

I've seen a person who joined as an accounting clerk and retired 30 years later as a senior accounting clerk, fully satisfied with his life.
On the other hand, there is this guy who has not even completed his schooling, wanted to join as a driver, ended up joining as an office boy and after 12 years in the same organisation, he is handling client interactions, admin, accounting as part of a team. And he recently started studying to complete his graduation.

Am I making visible permanent positive contributions to the organisation where I work or Am I just coming everyday to fill up the attendance sheets and collect a paycheque at the month end.

Am I doing the same things in the same way as I used to do when I joined?
If the answer to this question is "Yes", then it means that I have not grown at all.
Either what I do should have changed, or the way I do it should have changed...

Now, don't let that cunning intelligence play its tricks. We still have to live for rest of our lives with the same spouse and parents, don't get any bright ideas there.

But ask yourself this question - "Am I still doing the same things in the same way?"