That feeling of "Sometimes I just hate my job" - Part II

Continuing where we left in the last post...
Maybe... Just Maybe... our answer is hidden in this post...
That thought which comes once in a while...

"What the h**l am I doing here"

or

"I don't deserve to be in this job"

or

"Its not worth being here"

All of us go through that phase at some point or the other.

I guess an occasional flash of such a thought is not wrong, it only means that you are being tested. But if you find that thought coming to you 3 times a day... then I think its not ok.
The question you should ask yourself is "Did you take up the job just for the monthly paycheck?"
I have done enough number of jobs starting from selling jeans and t-shirts to being a decision maker in top management and I know one thing for sure... everytime I took up the job just for the money... I found myself unhappy and miserable at the job. No matter how much I tried, I was unable to get that passion towards my job.
As a result, I ended up quitting and moving on for a better "paying" job.
One day my teacher asked me one question - "If you had all the money in the world... will you continue doing what you are doing right now?"
If the answer is "Yes", then you are in the right job. But if the answer is "No", then you really need to do some thinking.

(I know, the first answer your cunning mind will give is "If I had all the money in the world, I will not do anything at all"... be very careful and don't fall in that trap. A man's fall begins the day he stops working)

I think holding on to this question has helped me a lot in making the right choices.
Today if you ask me this question, I will probably say Yes because right now I really like whatever I'm doing... every monday I look forward to go to office... a new challenge every day gives me a kick... I'm learning something new everyday and I'm still in touch with the very roots of my professional qualifications... if I did have all the money in the world, I'll probably still continue to do what I'm doing right now.

Take some time for yourself, sit back, relax and ask yourself this question:
"If you had all the money in this world, will you continue to do what you are doing right now???"

That feeling of "Sometimes I just hate my job" - Part I

I was travelling from Bangalore to Chennai with a friend of mine (Lets call her "Rammy"). In the process of being smart she booked a wrong ticket and here we were at 12 midnight in a train without a ticket.
We tried to talk to the TTE (Travelling Ticket Examiner), negotiate and get atleast one seat.
While we were waiting for him to arrange for a seat, we had to stand at the door of the coach where a lot of people kept coming and going. There were a lot of other people trying to get a seat for themselves just like us and they were following the TTE everywhere through the coaches.
I being fond of talking was chatting away my time with Rammy standing near the coach door.
While we were standing there, we noticed that one small boy of age about 6-8 years was with this TTE. At every station, the TTE would get down with the boy, see all over the place and board the coach again with that boy. He was trying to talk to the boy but the boy was too nervous and didn't seem to understand any of the local languages.
By now we had figured out that the little boy was probably separated from his parents at an earlier station and the TTE was trying to help him but could not do much.
As every station went by, the child was getting farther away from his parents. The TTE was trying to find a station incharge at every station so he could handover the boy but at 1.45 in the midnight the stations were as deserted as a graveyard.
All this while we are standing at the door and watching.
Finally, he took the tough decision. At one station, he made the child sit at a bench and said something to him, probably asked him to stay there. He then boarded the coach where we were standing, saw me looking at what happened and said "Sometimes I just Hate this job"
Even today I can't forget his expression. There was pain, regret, shame, sadness, helplesness all at the same time and nothing I could have done at that time.
He arranged two seats for us at around 2 in the night. Yes... He had done his job of a TTE and provided a seat to the passengers.
Was that his job???

I don't know what happened to that child, but I just prayed that night that a good person finds that kid and takes him to his parents.

Are you stuck in that trap where you keep getting this feeling of "Sometimes I Hate This Job"

To Accept the Pain or To Give up the Pleasure???

Was going through a crazy eye infection. Got the eyes checked with the Doc, she said that I should not touch or rub the eyes no matter how much they pain or itch. Once home, the eyes started itching again and the game of itch and scratch started.
The eyes would itch lightly, they feel better when I rub. As soon as I stop rubbing, they start itching even worse, I have to rub more and feel better for a few seconds. By now they are red and puffy and teary and I am rubbing the life out of my eyes.
This is the crazy game of pains and pleasures.

Way back in school, I had a fight with the class bully. I had only one thing on my mind... "I should land atleast one punch on his nose (pleasure)... even if he gives me 5 later (pain)"... I was willing to take the pain of beating just to experience the pleasure of punching the class bully in the nose.

You know that drinking at night will result in a painful hangover in the morning (pain), but you still go ahead and booze on all the alcohol possible (pleasure).

You know that a mishap would result in broken bones (pain) but you still want to rip and can't give up the pleasure of overspeeding.

That spicy food will give health issues (pain) but still you want to the pleasure of having it.
You know that you might end up with doctors tearing away your flesh in front of your eyes (definitely lots of pain) but you still want to have the pleasure of that one fag, that one sachet...

I know if I speak to her till 2 in the night, I will have a headache when I get up at 6 in the morning, but somehow I am willing to take the pain of headache but don't want to give up the pleasure of talking to her.

I guess as a human being, if I have to choose between giving up a pleasure and taking up a pain... somehow I am willing to take up the pain but can't give up the pleasure.

Looks like it takes a lot of strength to give up a pleasure when compared to taking up a pain. Guess thats what will make me stronger...

Why does life have to be like Sensex

Was just thinking the other day "It has been a long time since I have made a mistake in teaching... somehow the students are able to understand and pick the class content very well... looks like I'm growing consistently in this aspect...
BANG... the very next class I made so many mistakes that one of the students actually told "Gulshan... you need a coffee!!!" (yes, my students call me by name)

Have just been observant since then and somehow this seems to be a pattern in every aspect of my life.

When I think I have not gotten angry for a long time, I have gained control over my anger.... I land up having an anger burst on something very small within the next few days...

When I think work is going excellent... I might just make a very stupid mistake...

Everytime I pat myself for not having a wrong thought for a few days... I end up slipping somewhere in my thinking process.

Everytime I think "Kya bike drive karta hoon!!!"... I have a close call

In short... Every time the Sensex rises and we notice it rising... IT FALLS....

All of us at some point or the other go through this experience in different aspects of life... Dont we???


Looking back at it... I guess something like that is required to keep growing...

If I had not made those mistakes in the class, maybe I would have become overconfident.
If I dont make that stupid blunder at work, maybe I will become complacent and make a bigger blunder somewhere else.
If I had not had those close calls on the bike, maybe I will become careless and end up as a rash driver.
If Sensex did not fall... the markets will not go through a correction process and the true value of assets will not be reflected.

The one thing common in all these experiences is that whenever I deviated from the system, deviated from the rules, took a short cut... the correction happens...

Looks like thats what it is...  a Correction Factor... to make sure that we dont lose direction and control...
Got a beautiful sms today --- "They say mistakes are the first step to success... Fact is... Correction of mistakes is the first step to success"

These corrections are what keep me on the guard... prevent me from becoming overconfident... make sure I stay on track... make sure I stay on the Growth Track.

Dhatad Tatad

"sun le shor chun chun ke shor bhi ek manzar hai..."

Translation --- from the noise, choose what you want to listen... the noise is nothing but a scene (alright i never scored the highest in language translations... but i guess you get the point)

During the song, this blind girl will learn to catch a hen just listening to its sound and ignoring all the sounds around including the sounds of the other hens.

These lines are from a song from Lafangey Parindey. The movie is about a blind girl and how a person teaches her to see by following sounds and smells (and they fall in love and the other hindi movie stuff happens)

Was just listening to the song other day while getting ready for office and something struck a chord somewhere.
We all do it in someway or the other...
On the road... among the group of those girls, somehow we choose to see the prettiest one.
In a store... somehow we manage to pick the best design.
In a packed traffic jam... somehow we find that gap just enough for the bike to go through.
While watching that program... we are able to concentrate on it inspite of all the disturbance around.
In spite of all the traffic sound around... I am still able to speak to my girlfriend on phone :p

I used to chase sunrises once... its a beauty only He can create... When the sun rises, I see the sun... Of course there are hills, birds, trees, stones under my feet, some traffic sound sometimes, and so many other things...
But among these all, I still choose to see the sun rising. All these factors come together to make the sunrise more majestic, but still I see the sunrise.

Knowingly or unknowingly we all do this (listen to the sound among the noises)
Once my boss told me when I was going on a project... "you will get a lot of issues and all will come at the same time... best way to handle them is to take one at a time and solve it. Never try to solve all at the same time."

Even in the class, I see my students struggling because they cannot handle the pressure of a regular college and professional course at the same time... recently I shared in my class this same thing. When going to college, think about the college, when in the professional course, think about the course... this is where we go wrong... as a result, our thoughts are nothing but a lot of noise inside the head and we can't focus on the thoughts that really matter...

In the house we think about work, at office we think about the movie coming weekend and so on...

My teacher keeps telling me time and again --- "A Time for Everything and Everything in that Time Only... A Place for Everything and Everything in that Place only"
It can be something so simple to implement and yet something so difficult to follow consistently.

I guess this song strengthens the message once again and I have once again found a key.
Key to what, don't know yet...
But i know that I'm beginning to hear the Sound among noises... after all noises are just a Scene.

Why Seek??

Someone once asked me a question --- "Gulshan... Can you be a seeker for life???
Its a simple questions but opens up so many more questions... so many answers to find...

Even when I decided to start writing this blog... it took me some time to find a name for the blog... but finally i found it...
It was so obvious... it couldn't have been anything but "Seeking my answers"
Today we have Google, Wiki, tech forums and what not... Name a question and an answer is available on the net. We can find answers to any question on the internet... don't we??? Or... Do we really find all our answers?? Do we end up with more questions than answers??

Today I'm just an ordinary guy who goes to office, has a girl friend, plays computer games, learns, teaches... and yet... there are so many questions to ask.

A loved one once told me--- ask and you will receive... seek and you shall find...
I never understood how it works, but it has always been true with me... whenever i have a question, I just go ahead and ask someone... Very often I find the answer myself even as I'm explaining my question.

So here I start my journey, trying to seek... find the questions and then find the answers... and grow in the process.