Sorry for the bad joke...

There is a very thin line between humour and sarcasm.

A bad joke even if it is in good humour can do a lot more damage than a few bad word spoken in anger.

This one's dedicated to all my really really close friends who I value a lot.

Exactly a week ago, I cracked a joke which I thought was funny, but turns out that unknowingly I have hurt some of my friends.

I am sorry to all my friends for the impropriety on my part. It was never my intention to send across a wrong message.

I believe this is the best way to say sorry because if I come and apologise to you in person, I might end up hurting you more.

I know I can get pretty weird when it comes to jokes, thats why most of my jokes are on myself. Even this bad joke was on myself, but I guess I crossed the line.
If you have felt bad, then it means that you value me as a friend and I value that more than anything else.

I am really really sorry if I have struck the wrong cords,
I will make sure this does not happen again
and if there is anything I can do to fix this, I will do it.

I know the power of words, and that the damage done by words can never be healed.

I promise to you that I will be more careful in cracking jokes in the future.


By the way, for those who are still confused, this post was intended only for those friends of mine who know the background and were there at that time and at that place.

If what I'm talking about didn't make sense to you, then it means you were not there at that time.

Please don't go on a hunting trip to find out what I'm talking about.

If possible, take a lesson from my mistake and maybe learn the value of humour.

Alcohell...

No… this is not a spelling mistake. That’s the correct spelling…

Warning:

This is going to be a very rude and blunt post… if you are not ready… do yourself a favour… don’t read further…

Those who know me, know well that at the end of this post, what you think of me will not make any difference to me… but it will make all the difference to you…

Sometime ago, a friend of mine told me – Red wine is good for health, even doctors say we should drink red wine… you should try it once…

I told him – “My question is – If it is that good for health, why don’t you give a small dose of it to your 1 year old son every day before breakfast and dinner???”

Someone said – Brandy is good... “Doctor’s Brandy”… it keeps the body warm… even our grandparents used to give it when we were kids.

Oh… I guess my grand parents were not that smart because they told me that things like jaggery, pepper, honey, tulsi, ginger etc would keep the body warm…

Someone said – Drinking is the sign of a man…

My dear… “Not drinking” is the sign of a complete man…

If you have an evening to spend… will you spend it drinking with friends or with your spouse???

This is not a casual question... So Think and then Answer…

Bacardi breezers are fine… they have very low alcohol content… they can’t do any harm…

Again, my question is… will you give even a teaspoon of Bacardi breezer to your 1 year old son???

If your answer is yes, then you are reading the wrong blog. If this can’t change your mind, then nothing in this world can… there are a lot of websites on the internet glorifying alcohol for connoisseurs like yourself…

There are only 2 things that alcohol can do to you –

At worst, it will turn you into an animal with no respect or consideration for others… violent, moody, unpredictable… Eventually, you will end up making a mistake which you will regret for the rest of your life.

At best, it will turn you into a clown, a funny source of cheap entertainment to others and a complete embarrassment to yourself… chances are that you will end up carrying that with you too…

I know, some of you are thinking that Gulshan behaves like a clown even without drinking... correct, I am an absolute clown... but by my decision and not by the bottle's decision... I'm in always in my senses (whatever senses I've got)

Something which can make you do things which you wouldn’t do in your full senses… how can that be good?

If you have had even a single sip of this stuff, no mother in this world will give her child in your lap as long as you have the smell in your mouth… and I’m sure mothers are not stupid.

I really respect the Islamic scripture because it has banned consumption of alcohol in any form…

Even Hinduism has classified alcohol as “Tamasik” because of its inherent nature…

Those who wrote these scriptures were probably not that stupid too…

But Gulshan… I always have control…

My Dear, control is only an illusion… If you are thinking that you are in control… just wait!!!

I know this post will hurt… and the intention of this post is to hurt…

It is better to get hurt now and correct oneself rather than to wait for life to come and correct the harder way…

What I’m saying will hurt “you”… when life decides to correct you, it will hurt “you and the ones you love”…

The choice is entirely yours…

Abundance = Bad ???

Was just going on a bike with a friend a few weeks ago. On the way we saw a BMW X6 2011 model (its a pretty cool car).
We sped up just to get closer to the car and have a better look.
As we got closer, I told my friend - "One of these days, I have to own one like this one"
Immediately my friend said - "All these guys make money by wrong means, straight guys like you and me can't get that rich" and for the next 5 minutes he continued saying a few things which I don't want to share here.

What he is doing is that he is unknowingly creating a mental programming that Rich = Bad.
Rich can only happen through wrong means. He is associating negative thoughts with abundance.

On the other hand, everytime I see an awesome house, or a nice car, or a successful person, I just tell myself - I will be there someday.

For just a moment, lets forget about all the spiritual gyan given to us, all the theories and all the logic. Just tell me one thing...
Everything else remaining constant, out of the above 2 people above (me and my friend), who has a better chance at abundance... the one who appreciates and craves for it or the one who criticizes it...

What I or my friend said about the BMW owner will never make any difference to that person, but it will make all the difference to us.

When you see someone getting married, what do you think -
"wow, great"           or           "one more gone"

When you see someone buying a new house or a car, what do you think -
"that's great, I think I should also get one" or "let's see how he can afford it"

When your colleague gets promoted, what do you think -
"*** kisser, apple polisher"           or           "next time its going to be me"

When you lose a game -
"he cheated"           or           "I'll be back when I'm better"

Now, evaluate your current stage in life with your responses above...

What you think will not make a difference to the other person, but it will make all the difference to you...

All the above is true only if I'm careful of one thing...
Thinking alone is not enough... Any thoughts or words released by me have to be backed by consistent action... otherwise they are just a big waste of energy...

Just come up and see...

Went to a trek a few months ago, it was an 'interesting' trek coz the friend taking us made us climb the hill twice in a single trip. By the time we reached the top of the hill, I was tired, frustrated, panting and wheezing and in a pretty unhappy mood.
At the top of the hill, there was a pole with ladder rungs attached to it. It was for people to climb the pole and enjoy the view from the pole top on the hill top.
My friend climbed the pole and took a lot of snaps, called me to climb up and see but I was too tired of the trek so I passed it.
Few days later I went there with another friend. This time I climbed the pole and my friend was too tired. It was an awesome view, I never knew that a 15 feet pole could change the view so much.
I kept telling my friend - just come up and see... Again and again but no use.
Thinking about it yesterday I realized how powerful this realization is...
A doctor always wants his kids to be doctors... Why??
Because he has been up there, seen the reverence, the respect... And he wants his kids to experience that...

A CA always wants his children to be CAs because he has seen the professional excellence, the trust and he wants them to experience that.
Once a friend of mine who is a regular smoker and drinker told me - Gulshan, you don't know what you are missing...
I told him, you don't know what you are missing...
Do you remember the feeling of clear lungs...
That feeling of running 100 mtrs without panting...
That feeling of getting up without a hangover...

A manager is a manager only if he can create managers. A leader is a leader only if he can create leaders...

I have this obsession that whenever I experience something great, I have to tell it to everyone and make sure everyone experiences it... At times I become a bit aggressive in trying to show convince others...

If you have tasted that sense of success, that victory, that promotion, if your student has ever scored a rank, when your subordinate goes on to become a manager himself... You will know exactly what I'm talking about...
At the end of it, all I'm trying to say is for God's sake, just come up and see...

Did I Say that?

Recently I met an old friend. He was my senior during apprenticeship days but we got to work together only for about 10-15 days or so.
We were meeting after 9 years, still we recognized each other in one look. It was great catching up.
During the chit chat, I shared a learning I took from him all those years ago, here it goes:
I went on my first audit with him and on the very first day, he said “The best way to do an audit is to wear 2 hats at the same time. Everytime you are checking an invoice or a voucher, first ask yourself whether you will accept it if you were the “Boss” of that company. Second, ask yourself whether you will accept it if you were the “Tax Officer”. If answer to both is ok, then the document is fine, otherwise make an audit note.”
This philosophy has driven my audits and my professional work for almost a decade. He could have easily told me “Tick date, Tick Amount, Tick Account Head, Tick Authorised Signature and move on to the next voucher”, but he didn’t do that.
The best part is that he doesn’t even remember that he said this to me and he asked me "Did I say that?"
Most of us today are in influential positions. We don’t have to be high profile bosses or public figures… As a manager, I’m influential in my office. As a team leader, I’m influential to my team. As an elder brother, I’m influential to my siblings. As a spouse, I’m influential to my partner for life. On the road, when someone asks me for directions, at that moment, in that minute, I’m influential to that person in that aspect.
Whatever I say from a position of influence can have a permanent mark on the other person. It could be a casual comment, a piece of advice, a clarification, an instruction… anything…

Now, lets just take a minute and check what language we are using…
On an average, every sentence of ours starts with F***, every response with Sh** and every sentence ends with A**. What words and memories of ours are we leaving with others?

In this lifetime, I don’t know how many people I have spoken to, and I definitely don’t remember what I have spoken to them… I might have been useful to some, I might have been nice to some and I might have been rude to some.
I will never come to know how it changed my relationship with them.
It’s like having walked down a one way road, throwing seeds on both sides of the road, I don’t know how many of them have become trees today…
Past is Past, I have no control over it, but what I can control is that a negative word will not come through me from now on…
I have dropped bad words from my grammar…
I made this decision about 3 years back when my Teacher said something in a class.
Today after having followed it for 3 years, I can confidently say that nobody can catch me speaking bad words.
Something spoken by me will only do a good to somebody; otherwise it’s not worth speaking.

Is it ok to cry?

Was watching a game show on TV where a guy winning Rs 5,000,000 was faced with a question for Rs 10,000,000. He had one celebrity on the show to help him out with the question. The celebrity guest gave him the answer and it turned out right...
There was euphoria all over the sets, everyone was happy, everyone was celebrating and dancing... Just for a split second they showed the face of that celebrity and he was wiping his tears off.
Why was he crying?

From our childhood, we have been brought up being told that we should not cry... crying is a sign of weakness... Crying is for girls only... etc.... etc... etc...

I was lucky enough to have a teacher explain to me the science behind crying.
In short, lets just say that when our mind doesn't know how to handle a certain emotion, it processes that emotion into tears and we cry...
That is the reason why we feel like crying when we are too happy, too emotional, too sad and so on...

It is ok to cry out of joy...
It is ok to cry out of happiness...
It is ok to cry out of gratitude...
It is ok to cry out of compassion... feeling the pain of another person...
Maybe, just maybe it is ok to cry in pain...

But going on crying out of one's own pain is not ok.
You keep crying because there are challenges in your life, because someone doesn't love you, because you are ugly, because you are fat, because someone said something to you, because you are not good in studies... because god made you as a boy or a girl... and for all the possible reasons...

Answer one question for me:
I cried when I lost a loved one. That day I cried a lot, cried like a baby. Will you be ok if I continue to cry even today for that one loss which happened years ago???
No... right? If you see me crying today for someone who died ages ago, you will probably ask me to go see a doctor... right or not?
Then why do you have to hold on to one thing and keep crying about it?

"Gulshan, you don't understand my position, my pain, my sufferings"...

Darling, I don't even want to understand...

I Hindu system of belief, when someone dies, there is a mourning period of 13 days, after which everyone moves on with life...
Religion itself says that even death doesn't deserve more than 13 days of crying...

If you think its worth crying, then cry... cry right now... cry out as loud as you can... cry till your lungs, throat and eyes start paining... continue to cry till you feel content... and once you are done crying, decide that you will never cry for this thing again...

Whatever the reason has been so far, the crying has to end today...
Make a decision today that you will not cry out of your own pain again and then see, even He won't be able to give you a reason to cry...

I'm not against crying...Tears are the purest form of expression...

Crying is ok as long as it is out of feeling for other person's feelings, whether joy or sorrow... that brings us closer to that other person...
Crying is ok as long as it leads you into action and results in a solution...

Crying out of self pity and self pain is utterhelplessness... It only releases negative vibrations around you which will encompass even your loved ones...

Make a decision... Make it now...

Thank you Same to you...

My grandpa was an amazing person... Probably the best grandpa in the world...
If there is a toy I need, I just need to point at it, don't even have to ask...
If my mom is torturing me too much with the homework... I just need to send out a signal to him, he would swoop in and rescue me...
I learnt a lot of good things from him, including my first ever morning exercises...
There was this one habit of my grandpa which was a bit strange, infact we used to tease him for that habit...
Whenever someone would wish him "Happy Birthday", he would reply with a "Thank you, Same to you". Year after year, he would repeat this same response. He had a very good command over english and this was not normal, so many times we explained that you should stop at "Thank You", "Same to you" is not required, but somehow he was not able to give up that wording and continued to say "Thank you Same to you" till his last birthday...

He's not around anymore, but somehow his style makes sense... Knowingly or unknowingly he had left a very powerful 5 worded message - "Thank you, Same to you..."

Somehow I have come to understand it as this: "Thank you" for the wishes, "Same to you" because the day of my birthday should be a Happy Day for you too...

Initially it was a part of missing him but over a period of time somehow my programming has become such that for the last 7-8 years, whenever someone has wished me Happy Birthday, I always say "Thank You" and somewhere a voice inside says "Same to you"

Only those very close to me get to hear me say it out aloud... all others don't get to because they would think I'm a weirdo and are not ready for it yet...

But the power of the message is quite simple... When you wish me a Happy Birthday, I say thank you, but when I say "Same to you" I'm also wishing to you that let my birthday be a happy day for you...

So all those who wished me a Happy Birthday today... A Biggggggggggg Thank You and Same to You...

Kabir was Right...

दुःख में सुमिरन सब करे, सुख में करे न कोई
जो सुख में सुमिरन करे, तो दुःख काहे को होई...

The closest translation could be - Everyone thinks of Him in times of sorrow, nobody thinks of Him in joy. If everyone could think of Him in times of joy, then why should there be a reason for sorrow???

How long did you pray when that loved one's life was in danger? Now, how long did you pray after someone was born in the family?

How long did you pray when he / she was in ICU in critical condition? How long did you pray after the doctor said everything was ok?

From the last day of exams till the date of result, you prayed for good results... On getting that rank, you went partying the same evening...

How long did you think of Him when that promotion / appraisal / salary increment was due??? How long did you think of Him after they came???

Even if everything in your life is going great, awesome, perfect... what is the longest you have thought of Him at a single time in the last 1 year???

How long did you think of Him before she finally said "yes"? How long have you thought of Him after marrying her?
(well... I could be wrong on this one... for all I know, you could be thinking of Him longer and harder now...)

Everytime we faced testing times, we prayed harder and with greater intensity... Everytime when the things became alright we made a quick thankyou, maybe a trip to temple, a coconut and a few flowers, a chaddar, a candle depending on our belief system... thats it...

Just imagine how you would feel if you give all the joys, toys, good food, facilities, everything to your little one and he walks away from you everytime with just a Thanks.
That little one enjoys everything you give and still keeps walking away from you... what will you do???
At some point you will feel like reminding him that you are the one giving and that he should be coming towards you and not going away from you... won't you feel that???

Kabir was right...

Do you still need some swami or some baba to come and tell you this truth???

My Prayer…

At 13, my prayer was “God, please let the exam be easy, please let the easy questions come, I have to beat that first ranker” – then I figured that the prayer itself was wrong… if the exam is easy then even the first ranker will find it easy and get even further ahead of me…

At 16, my prayer was “God, I have done my share of studying, please give me the result that I deserve”. Smart one isn’t it? Problem was that this used to come after reciting a long list of other prayers of which almost half the words I didn’t know the meaning of…

At 20, my prayer was “God, give me strength to work as much as I can, as hard as I can and make as much wealth as I can”… Still after reciting a long list of prayers which I now somewhat understood…

Then came a few wake up calls… a few times when I did not get what I asked God for… It was too painful at times, but in retrospect, it turns out to be for a greater good. Something better was always on the way.

That’s when I realized that whatever I ask, I will get only what is good for me, when its good for me and in the amount that is required for me. Nothing else… nothing before or after… nothing less or more…

If a 3 year old asks for a knife, he will not and should not be given one… he will only get a pair of safety scissors which can cut only paper…

If a 12 year old asks for a motorcycle, he will not and should not be given one… he will only get a bicycle or an electric junior bike…

So my prayer became… “God, give me what is good for me.”

Then again, it is like telling the Doctor – “Give me a good medicine which should heal me”

Or telling a priest to do the worship with devotion

Or telling a teacher to – “Teach properly”

Who am I to tell that force what to do and what not to do?

What is it that I could possibly ask for in a prayer?

Is prayer really all about asking only?

Then my prayer became just a continuous chant of “Thank you… thank you… thank you… thank you… thank you…”

And then one day… the "Thank you" dissolved into a silence… and that’s when I realized that this silence is my most beautiful communication with that force.

Just pure silence… not a single word… not a single thought… not a feeling… just a silence…

I know this might sound like some kind of fancy philosophy to most of the readers, but its something that has to be experienced. Infinite feelings and experiences cannot be communicated with finite words…

If you think you still can’t get what I’m talking about, then do this…
Think about the one person who you love the most. The next time that person is sleeping, just look at the face of the person. No feelings… no thoughts… no words… just look… and soon you will realize that you have been looking at that face for quite a few minutes…

If you don’t live with that person, just look at a photograph of that person.
Let me know how that experience was…

That is just a very very tiny glimpse of the silence I’m talking about…

I still need to clarify that I have not stopped the prayers and chants which I used to do earlier, I still do those at times. Those processes are like my anchors to keep me rooted to my belief system. The only difference is that now I know the meaning of the words coming out of my mouth. Now I'm not dependent on these processes to feel complete... and finally, after all this, the only thing follows is that silence…

My Anchor...

An Anchor is probably the most important tool after a compass.
An Anchor is something which holds the ship in place.
Every seagoing ship is fitted with an Anchor. Everytime the ship drops anchors, the anchor goes and gets stuck at the ocean floor and holds the ship in place. This way, it ensures that the ship stays in one place and does not drift away in the currents.
Just for an example, imagine that two ships were parked in a place at night, one of them used an anchor and another one didn't, through the night, the tides came and went, lot of currents came. Do you think both the ships will still be there in the morning?
No...
The one without the anchor would have drifted away somewhere... lost / directionless / probably run aground.

There is a sanskrit word "Bhav" (भव) which means "existential" (or "to exist").
Another sanskrit word "Sagar" (सागर) means "ocean".
Time and again we have heard this word BhavSagar (भवसागर), which literally translated means the existential ocean.
Now, if we see our surroundings as a Bhavsagar then we have to be the ship in the this sea.
As we saw earlier, every ship has to have an Anchor. In the same way, even we (or atleast most of us) have our Anchors.
My Anchor could be my Mother, my God, that Pilgrimage where I go every year, my Belief system, my Family, my Teacher or anybody to whom I hold myself accountable. Even the reflection in the mirror can be my anchor if I have enough courage to look into its eyes.
My Anchor is that force in whose presence, I can be myself, in whose presence I cannot lie, which is with me even when it is not with me. Time to time, I need to go back to my Anchor and give my account.
There is too much of currents around us, emotional, societal, professional, academic... too many of them...
We have to find an Anchor to find our stability. It could be anything depending on the maturity of a person.
If you have found an Anchor already, consider yourself blessed and never ever let go of it...
Paradoxical but so True... We need an Anchor to get across the Bhavsagar...

Head and Body - Part II

The lungs are screaming for some fresh air but the head says its okay to pump them with tobacco smoke. Somehow the head is convinced that this body is among those lucky few bodies who will survive the smoke...
The liver is rotting away trying to filter all the filth the head decided to consume, somehow the head thinks that the body has amazing resistance. Even the water filter used in the cleanest water supply gets dirty with time, what chances does the body stand against alcohol???
After climbing 2 floors the heart is already working overtime, still the head thinks that its ok to eat ghee, butter and cheese and not exercise...
Even those censored places start screaming the next morning, but still the head thinks that it's okay to eat extra spicy food...
Every time the head takes a wrong decision, the body tries to fight back... But somehow we headless heads still continue doing what we think is right...
Then one day the body finally gives up...
Not just from a physical perspective but in every field where I can see I have seen one thing for fact...
The head has to respect the feedback that comes from the body...
And if by a rare chance the head knows it is wrong and still continues to do wrong... Well... I'll better leave it unsaid...

Head and Body – Part I

Have been thinking about this topic for a few months now. The relationship between the head and body has its impact in every walk of life. The relationship between the head and the body can be seen in an organization, a family, a person – physically, intellectually, spiritually… and in so many other ways…

Trying to understand the relationship in an organization, I was able to relate to past experiences.

I had a few chances to go on consulting assignments with my earlier partner. Whenever we would take up a new assignment, my partner would insist that the MD of the client company should sit through the sessions. I always used to wonder why such a demand.

After all we have to work on the operations teams, look at improving their efficiencies, their processes etc, then why should the boss sit in all these activities. My partner used to say – “If the head of the organization is not in your team, then the project is already a failure”

Just imagine, you sit and spend so much time changing the people’s attitude and work culture, put a new system in place, emphasize the importance of following a system.

The people listen to you and start following the new system, and one fine day the boss comes and gives an overriding instruction to his people, they have to bypass a few controls and “do as the boss says”… What is the point of having the system in the first place then? Whatever work you did on the team is wasted.

Take another example – The organization has a legacy system in place which is slow and inefficient but everyone is used to it. Because of management decision, a new advanced system is installed which is more efficient but looks more complicated to use. Now, if the head of the team is not willing to use this new system, do you think the remaining team will be interested in it?

If the boss keeps telling his team not to take long leaves and goes on a vacation himself, do you think the team will listen?

On the other hand, if the boss himself is working even on a holiday because there is a deliverable due, you will see that atleast a few team members will volunteer to come.

If the boss keeps complaining about the management of the company, do you think the team will have any respect for the management?

In all the above examples, the boss is the head and his team is the body.

Lets see the relationship between our head and bodies, the head makes a decision to eat, body does the necessary actions. If the food is too hot, body sends a feedback to the brain (which is normally located inside the head) and the instruction to blow and eat carefully come back to the body.

This relationship between the head and the body is based on a constant flow of instructions and feedback. If one of them is not working properly, just imagine what could happen to our bodies.

In the same way, the head of a team has to respect the feedback received from the team. If the boss is doing something wrong, it is the team’s responsibility to flag it off, of course, there are a few things where the head knows better.

The link between the head and the body has to be a healthy one, flow of instructions has to be clear and transparent, there has to be constant feedback from the body to the head.

Ego

When I say "I Can Do It", thats confidence
When I say "ONLY I can do it", thats ego

When I say "I am Right" and its based on my knowledge, thats confidence
When I say "I can't be wrong", thats ego

When I try to show that I'm on the right track, thats persistence (applicable only in professional life, in relationships, it doesn't matter who is right, what matters is who cares more for the relationship.)
When I try to prove that the other person is wrong, thats ego

On realising my mistake, if I accept it, thats humility
Even after realising my mistake, if I don't accept it, thats ego

When I respect a system and follow it, thats discipline
When I go against the system just for the sake of it, thats ego

When I don't hesitate to learn something new from my juniors, thats my thirst for knowledge
When I don't learn from someone just because that person is below me in ranks - Thats ego

When I say "I have done it, you too can do it", thats good leadership
When I say "I have done it, but you can't", thats ego

Confidence, persistence, humility, discipline, thirst for knowledge, leadership are what I need to move ahead.
Ego is the guaranteed first step to the endless road downhill.

Strangers

What an Experience...
I'm on my way back after a short stint on a project away from home.
The day we walked into the client's office, we knew only a couple of people, that too by their voices. For the first 3-4 days, I was actually struggling with remembering the names of the team members (yes, I am bad with remembering names), then some of the guys came forward, suggested places to visit, we shared a few jokes and before we knew, we were no longer strangers.
It has been four months now and the kind of comfort we had can be seen in the fact that our goodbyes were really long. We parted with momentoes, memories, lovely cards signed and written with nice messages. We parted being more than just client and service provider.
Of course the professionalism has been maintained, results delivered, discussions and arguments had and all the regular client vendor stuff happened. That cannot be compromised.
That apart, the way I get to know my colleagues on the project changed hugely. Having worked for a couple of years, we grew to know each other much better in these 4 months than in the last couple of years.
Now, lets look back at some of the other relationships we have, there are a few people whom we have known for a few years now. How comfortable are we with them?
I may not be so comfortable with my mom & dad as I am with my brother. I may not be as comfortable with my brother as I am with my friend.
Who exactly is a stranger?

Just Ask

I have been a strong believer in this one method of finding answers. Whenever I'm stuck with a question and I'm not able to find an answer even after spending some time on it, I catch hold of someone with a better understanding and talk it out with that person.
The question could be personal, professional, religion, life, anything.
The best part is that when I'm having such discussions, I quite often end up finding the answer myself. The solution need not come from the other person, but while I explain the question, I see things differently. This seeing differently often allows to see an answer which was not there earlier.
This does not mean one should become totally dependent on others and go running to others for help every time one has a problem. That will only stop one's growth.
When I'm using MS Excel and I need a formula, I won't go running to my boss  or colleagues immediately. I will try to find the answer myself, read the help file, search online, come with atleast one possible answer.
And then, after putting in reasonable time and effort, if I'm not happy with the solution, I'll go and run through the solution with my boss or some colleague.
On the other hand, I can't spend a week trying to find an answer. That just might be too late.
If I'm cooking and not sure about how much salt to add, I can't keep thinking for 20 minutes on how much salt to add, if I wait too long, I'll end up with coal flavoured food. I just call my mom and check with her.
There has to be a balance which I need to maintain and it depends on the urgency of the question.
The normal rule I follow in my professional and personal life is that if I'm not able to find an answer and I'm stuck in a single place for more than 10 minutes, I should consider asking for help.
It doesn't have to be the complete answer, just a guidance, a line of thought, an idea is all that's needed. Most of us are able to pick from there.
So many times it happens that we spend a considerable amount of time on a problem, go ask someone, and it turns out that it was a very small issue which could have been resolved in 2 minutes max.
Whenever you find yourself in that place, all you need to do is Just Ask...

Wants and Needs

Have been trying to make a few decisions for the last few months. There are a lot of activities to do and a lot of things to invest in, but not all of them are equally important. So there is definitely some scope for choosing what comes first and what can wait. I normally prefer to talk through most of my decisions with a friend.
This friend always helps me to make my decisions, and the best part is that I always end up answering only one question to my friend. This one question is almost always enough to help me decide.
Its only now that I'm learning to use one question as a powerful tool. The question is "Do I Want it or Do I Need it?"
I have owned a Pulsar 150cc bike for many years and honestly it is the best bike I have ever driven, but I have been eyeing the newer 220cc upgraded version... Do I need it or do I want it?
I have a HCL netbook computer, but I've been eyeing a Macbook Air for quite some time.... Do I need it or do I want it?
Every summer there is power cuts in my neighbourhood and I've been wanting to install a power backup system in the house... Do I need it or do I want it?
New furniture or holiday abroad?
New watch or a microwave?
New bike or new car?
Sedan or Hatchback? or SUV?
Cheese burger or homemade food?
Most of us mix up the wants and the needs and give a greater importance to our wants while making decisions.
Everytime that we find ourselves saying that "I should have done this instead of this", chances are that when we gave a preference to wants instead of needs while making a decision, .
I have been asking this question a lot to myself recently... everytime I want something, I ask myself "Do I want it or do I need it?"
After all the needs have been satisfied, I can always make room for the wants...

Think about it...

That Someone!!!

Is there someone in this world in whose company you don't need to think about how you look or how you are dressed? Hold on to that someone...
Is there someone in this world with whom you can share your every feeling? Hold on to that someone...
Is there someone in whose presence you know that nothing can go wrong? Hold on to that someone...
Is there someone who loves you the way you are and does not try to change you? Hold on to that someone...
Even if everything is perfect, without someone it feels incomplete? Hold on to that someone...
Even if everything is wrong, with that someone by your side, it feels alright? Hold on to someone...
Someone with whom you can sit for hours without saying a single word and still feel complete? Hold on to that someone...
You can smile or break into tears for no reason just by looking in someone's eyes? Hold on to that someone...
It could be a tender hand that gives you strength, or a strong hand that gives you comfort... Hold on to that someone...
Someone who tells you when you are on a wrong path... Don't let go of that someone...
When you are idle with a phone in your hand, whose number do you dial? Hold on to that someone...
Hold on to that someone with whom you fight the most and find it most difficult to say sorry...
Someone who takes you for an Icecream irrespective of your exam results... Hold on to that someone (atleast that guarantees a lifetime supply of icecreams)
Hold on to that someone who sheds a tear for your pain and then hits you on the head for being melodramatic...
This someone can be anybody... Mother, Father, Grandma, Brother, Sister, Spouse, that special friend, that friend from kindergarten, your child... Anybody...
Just hold on to that someone... Most of the time we don't realise the value of what we have until it is gone...

In the Beginning...

This was my first client. I was just starting off with my practice. Client was a small company with limited finances and no admin staff. As a gesture of support in the beginning, I agreed to have the documents / records picked from their office at no additional cost. Over time, the company grew, they got more employees, moved to a bigger place, but my person was still going to collect the documents from their office.
Then one day, I asked the client to send the records to our office through their delivery boys. It was not a pleasant experience, they got upset about the fact that we were not sending a pick up boy any more.
What the client did not realise was that the entire gesture of I sending a pickup person was only for initial support and not a long term service.

One of those days we ended up working late in office. My house was a walking distance from the office and a friend's house was a 45 minute drive. That day my friend borrowed my bike to go home as it was late night and I could walk home.
This happened a couple of times more. By now, my friend was just informing me that he was taking the bike, instead of asking.
Then one day my friend took the keys and drove the bike, and probably forgot to tell me. I had to leave for a last minute meeting in the evening and behold.... the bike is missing.
When I discussed this issue with my friend the next day, he was not very pleased about it.


We all make this mistake in the initial excitement of any relationship whether it is personal life, professional life, as a friend, as a boss, as a team member, as a boyfriend / girlfriend.
In the beginning of the relationship, we go that extra mile to please the other person and somehow the receiver of such gestures begins to think of it as his right. But as time passes by, we have to stop doing those little special things.
Maybe because of time constraints, other commitments, cost constraints. Whatever the reason, the fact is that we stop something and then it is not a pleasant experience. The question we need to ask is that whether it was worth starting in the first place???

I used to pick her up from the airport / railway station whenever she used to come to the city. Its 5 years today and if I'm in the city, I still go and pick her up and drop her whenever she is travelling out of station and I know I can continue for as long as I know.

If I start something new in the beginning of a relationship... I should ask myself whether I will continue doing it forever? If the answer is yes, then I should go ahead. If not, then I should really ask myself whether this is required.
In the above examples, wherever things did not end well, it was probably my mistake for not clarifying the expectations on the very first day.

Second learning that I just realised is that whenever I'm giving a favour, I will clarify the expectations that this is only this one time. In the same way, whenever I'm receiving a favour, I should realise that it is only a favour and not a right. I have no right to be upset if it is denied to me tomorrow.

Learn to Receive Appreciation

This friend of mine teaches french. I have seen for myself atleast 3 such students who were scoring below 15% marks in exams and started scoring 90% and above after learning french from my friend.
We were talking about this the other day and I told my friend "That's amazing, Now you have become a teacher. Everyone will call you ma'am"
To this my friend replied - "Its nothing, I'm not doing anything great. I still have to go a long way"
I immediately went into firing mode. I told her... "when someone gives appreciation, you should learn to accept it. How can you say "its nothing" for a result which you have created with your own efforts?"
The response could have been - "Thanks a lot, I know I still have to go a long way" - Without any negative language.
This is just one random example, but if we look around us, we will notice that this is the attitude everywhere.
Knowingly or unknowingly even we do the same thing. Everytime someone appreciates us, our first responses are "No, thats nothing great", "Nothing much" and so on.
What we don't understand is that appreciation is a very powerful force.
By saying no to appreciation, we are repelling the powerful positive thoughts released in our favour.
I know very well how much effort I put in my work, and when someone appreciates my work, why should I accept it with anything less.
I understood this fact early on, thats why I always accept any appreciation with 3 important components:

1. Acceptance
2. Gratitude
3. Ambition

Whenever someone appreciates me, I always reply with "Thanks a lot, that was pretty good, I still need to go a long way". By doing that, I'm accepting the compliment with gratitude and in the same sentence I'm also stating that I can do much better.

But, Be Careful...

Accepting appreciation is good, but I should not become dependent on Appreciation. I should not reach a stage where I'm dependent on others' appreciation.

At the same time, there is no need to go around boasting and appreciating myself on my own.

Appreciating my work is other peoples' work, let me leave it to them.

As long as I know that I'm good, I don't need anybody's appreciation, but at the same time, I should accept any appreciation with an open mind.

Think about it.

Interpretations...

I used to stay with some friends sharing an apartment. We were pretty good friends. One of those days we were planning for a weekend movie. I was not sure how my work was going so I didn't confirm. I just said "we'll see".
One of my friends said that gulshan's "we'll see" means he's not coming.
We went to have a little heated discussion and I walked out of the conversation as I saw myself losing cool.
Later, when we were cooled down, we had a patchup talk and I had to clarify that when I say something I mean exactly that thing, nothing more or less.
I don't really blame my friend, it's just unfortunate that we are in a world of unclear communication and have to interpret anything someone says. We go on to make multiple interpretations and choose the one most suited to us.
Somehow I don't have that skill for that kind of communication. I just speak exactly what I mean.
So here's a clarification to the world on what I say and what I mean:
I say - I'll see
I mean - I'm not sure how things are getting planned. So I can't commit, I will see
I don't mean - I'll not join

I say - nice dress
I mean - nice dress
I don't mean - I am not trying to get myself a date

I say - I need to be alone
I mean - I need to be alone
I don't mean - I'm not holding a grudge of anything you did. I'm not angry. I'm not upset with anything.

I say - I'll think about it
I mean - I'll think about it
I don't mean - I'm not rejecting the idea

I say - good morning to my boss
I mean - good morning
I don't mean - I'm not sticking up for the next promotion

I say - food is good
I mean - food is good
Everytime I compliment someone, the first response I get it "really?". I really have to hold myself back from saying - "No, I just got bored of sitting around so I gave u a false compliment"

I don't use the words like soon, shortly etc. Soon could mean 1 day to you but 1 week to me.

I just wish we were in a world where there was clear communication and no need to interpretation.

Teacher

Its once again that part of the year when we all feel grateful to our teachers.
5th September, as most of us know is celebrated as Teacher's Day. Its a big celebration in schools and colleges where students go out of the way to please their teachers, make their teachers feel special and show their gratitude towards their teachers.
I remember when I was in school, we used to decorate the blackboard with drawings and slogans written for our teachers. We used to decorate the class, get roses, chocolates, greeting cards, hand made cards, letters and all kinds of gifts for our teachers.
Somehow, as we grew out of our schools and colleges, this concept of celebrating Teacher's Day was lost somewhere. Is it that we have stopped having teachers in our lives? Or is it that we have stopped being students? Or is it that the existence of a teacher is only restricted to our schools and colleges?

Who is a teacher? - A teacher is someone who teaches. Right?

Definitely the one who held my hand and taught me to write ABC was my teacher.
Definitely the one who taught me the fundamentals of accountancy was my teacher.

But, isn't it true that:
the one who handheld me on my first day on job is also my teacher?
the one who taught me to face a client is also my teacher?

the one who guided me through my first sales call, first presentation is also my teacher?

the one who taught me the tricks of trade is also my teacher?
the one who taught me life is also my teacher?

you might think I'm cranky, but what about the Gym Trainer who taught me the right way to exercise and helped me shed 5 kgs?

How is it that we don't wish these teachers a Happy Teachers' Day?

Is our gratitude restricted only to Text book teachers?

Can I grow enough that I see a teacher in every person from whom I have learnt something positive and progressive and atleast today feel grateful to that person?

With Gratitude in my heart, I dedicate this post to all those teachers who have directly or indirectly contributed to my growth in life.

Happy Teachers' Day

Still the same?

I had a colleague once, he was senior to me and had been in the organisation for long before I joined. One day he told that he was resigning the job to look for better prospects. I knew that he had been promoted recently and was sure that he was being paid well enough. Since we were close enough, I asked him what the problem was and why would he want to leave a job like this.
He said - "I have been here for so many years. I've got very good salary increments from the day I joined and have been promoted almost every year. But if I see, all the promotions are only designation changes for me. I'm still doing the exact same work which I was doing on my day 1. Even if I stayed here for the next 10 years, the chances are that I'll continue to do the same work. Where have I grown? What new have I learnt? Where have  I improved professionally? If I had to leave this place, what skillsets am I going to take away from here?"

Of course, he went on to resign his job and is now working in a much larger organisation. His questions pretty much turned my outlook towards my work.

I've seen a person who joined as an accounting clerk and retired 30 years later as a senior accounting clerk, fully satisfied with his life.
On the other hand, there is this guy who has not even completed his schooling, wanted to join as a driver, ended up joining as an office boy and after 12 years in the same organisation, he is handling client interactions, admin, accounting as part of a team. And he recently started studying to complete his graduation.

Am I making visible permanent positive contributions to the organisation where I work or Am I just coming everyday to fill up the attendance sheets and collect a paycheque at the month end.

Am I doing the same things in the same way as I used to do when I joined?
If the answer to this question is "Yes", then it means that I have not grown at all.
Either what I do should have changed, or the way I do it should have changed...

Now, don't let that cunning intelligence play its tricks. We still have to live for rest of our lives with the same spouse and parents, don't get any bright ideas there.

But ask yourself this question - "Am I still doing the same things in the same way?"

My Share...

Was recently witness to a family fight where there was a partition happening and the brothers and sisters were in 'negotiations' about who gets what. (don't worry, it was not my family). The father had passed away leaving behind 2 factories and a mansion. This needed to be shared among his two sons and a daughter. Oh, there was also the mother who was now a widow, but nobody was speaking of sharing her.
It was complicated to share the assets among the three children and their widow mother because they had to make sure that nobody gets unfairly more or less. They tried a lot of different combinations but every time it resulted in a fight because one of them was getting less.
Finally they decided to sell the entire assets and split the cash 4 ways. Everything was sold, one fourth was given to the mother from which she had to buy a house and take care of herself for the rest of her life. Balance three fourths were shared among the brothers and sister equally and all the children were satisfied.
It's shocking to see how the well educated children had squandered away the wealth created by their father's hardwork. The person who bought all the assets from them has already multiplied those assets to 4 times their value when I last saw that place last year.

Was witness to another such incident. My friend was getting married to his girlfriend, the girl is the only child. At the bachelor's party, I overheard another friend saying to my friend "you are lucky man, rich dad, only daughter, ultimately everything is going to come to you".
I was thinking that even I have one sister and a brother. Somehow such a thought of partitions, shares etc had never crossed my mind. I asked myself as to what will I do when the time comes. The mere thought that I could ask for a share got me feeling bad about myself.
It feels like I'm looking at a pack of vultures.
Vultures and hyenas fight for their share in the carcass after the animal dies. If I had to go running and ask for a share, then what is the difference between me and these vultures and hyenas.
By what right do we ask for share in our parents' properties?
Don't tell me that it is as per law, laws are made by men. And our legal system is flawed enough.
Haven't our parents already given us enough to create our lives independently. My parents invested the peak years and money to get me educated. Today I have enough educational qualification to create a life for myself without anybody's help. Isn't that the most precious heirloom already?
Even if one doesn't have the education, most of us have created some success for ourselves already.
And if you and I have not been successful enough, then trust me, even the share of property will not be useful because we would not know how to use it well.

I have decided that with all that I have already received from my parents, I don't have any rights to ask any more. I will not become a vulture. If possible I will create so much wealth for myself that when the time comes, the 'share' that could come will look too small to even bother about. I'll remain a son and not become a vulture.
I think it's a good time for all of us to decide what we want to be when the time come.
Do we want to be vultures and hyenas or do we want to be sons and daughters?

When you go to the restaurant

When you go to the restaurant, you meet a pretty lady at the door waiting to receive you, she guides you to your seat, a well groomed steward lights a candle on your table and hands you a menu with a list of dishes served at the restaurant.
Be honest and tell me... Do you see the right side of the list first or the left? (for your information, the left side is generally the names of dishes and the right side is the prices)
Almost all of us instinctively see the right side first and start filtering the dishes based on their prices.
I know about a mother and son who once travelled in train for two days with just Rs. 50 in hand. Out of this money, they bought a veg rice and shared the meal between them. The balance Rs. 25 was kept aside for the fare from the railway station to home. I accept that this was a time to see the price before eating.
I know a brother who went to work and ate bread with pickle so his elder brother could complete his studies. That was the time to save money and check the prices before getting food.

I've decided that in this lifetime, neither I nor anyone in my family will ever need to see the price side of the menu.
Of course, this doesn't mean that I'll go to eat lunch at The Sheltons and The Sheratons everyday. But I can atleast make sure that if I ever feel a desire to go to an expensive place and pamper my taste buds, I will not think twice.
Some call me crazy, some foolish for the money I sometimes spend on food for myself or my friends and family.
Then again, those close to me know that if it is Gulshan, the food will be the best whether it's a treat, party, get together or no occasion at all.
It's just a matter of decision that I will grow enough in life that I don't have to see the right side of the menu.

I have a Guardian Angel!!!

It was a Sunday morning and I went down to clean my bike. As I was cleaning the tyre I noticed that a really long iron nail was driven right into the rear tyre and poking out from the other side of the tyre. Somehow the nail itself had sealed the hole and the tyre had not gone flat. The bike must have gone over the nail while driving and the nail probably just stayed there.

I took it to the mechanic next door to get the puncture fixed. While inspecting the tyre, the mechanic said that a certain part from the brake assembly was missing and will need to be fixed. Without this part the brakes can't work.

I actually laughed at the mechanic because that same morning I had been to the airport and pushed the bike all the way to 100 kmph. He said it was impossible because the brakes just won't apply without that part and apparently the missing part and the nail in the tyre had been that way for quite some time.

The mechanic started taking the bike into his workshop and as he was towing it, the entire brake assembly just started falling part by part in front of his shop because of the missing part.

He had not even touched the bike with his tools, so there's no way he could have done anything.

I told the guy about my ride that morning and the expression he had was amazing. He looked at me, then at the bike, then at me again about 4-5 times and finally said - "either you think i'm an idiot or you have a lot of good deeds in your account".

"I guess I have a guardian angel" was all I said.

I guess sometimes we just have that guardian angel looking after us, that Z axis, those good deeds, whatever you call them.

What I also realised was that the 100 kmph adventure that morning was definitely not required. A hundred things could have gone wrong. The missing part and the nail were both independently enough to do enough damage at that speed if it wasn't for sheer dumb luck.

I have become a more responsible biker since then.

I realise that being lucky is one thing, but pushing that luck unnecessary is not correct.

Systems... Can't live with them!!! Can't live without them!!!

Was catching up with a friend over coffee a few weeks back...

He had gone through a personal issue with his manager and he was upset about it.

There was a family emergency and he had to plan some urgent travel. The company does not allow internet access to its employees due to to ensure data safety, so it was not possible to book the flight tickets. He works in 8 am to 5 pm time slot, has lunch break between 12.30 and 1.30 in the afternoon and no other flexitimings. Saturdays and Sundays are off. (for most of us, it is a dream to get this kind of work hours.)

During the lunch hour, he went to get the tickets but ended up coming back at 1.45. 15 minutes late meant that half day was knocked off his account as unplanned leave.

Since I was with him that day, I was at the receiving end of the cribbing.

Can't they have a little flexibility?

Will it kill them to give me a 15 minute permission?

Hitler is dead and we got freedom 60 years ago, still it feels like we are nothing more than highly paid glorified slaves...

Anything I could say could not have helped to stop his complaining spree, but at the same time, I also think that I would completely agree with my friend's company's policy.

I was involved in decision making once and I would happily welcome anyone to take that seat and make a policy that could have everyone satisfied.

You will all agree with what is coming next if you look at it as an employer and policy maker:

1. If you were to allow internet access to employees, 80% of them would be spending time on Facebook, Twitter, Gmail, or making travel plans for the upcoming long weekend.
2. If you were to allow flexitimes / permissions to employees, 80% of the them will utilise the permissions for the lousiest reasons ranging from paying electricity bills, phone bills, getting the vehicles serviced etc, everything during office hours, most of these jobs can be done by just going online in evenings or on a saturday.
3. If you were to allow flexi lunch timings, 80% of the employees would use one and half hours for lunch.

To avoid all these issues, wouldn't you make the kind of rules which will make sure employees don't misuse any of them? Wouldn't you be turning into Hitler then? Employees may not be happy with the systems...

But if you create the systems to be flexible, then employees misuse the system in unfair way... You will not be happy in that case.

What I understand is that before complaining about my organisation's System, I should place myself in the system maker's place and ask if I made it more flexible, will 80% people use it or misuse it?

Every system is created for a reason. So there's no point in being a part of a system and complaining about it:

If I don't like something about the system. I have only 3 options:

1. If I have no choice but to be a part of the system, then I should not complain about it.
2. If I can't be a part of it, I should get myself a spine and get out of it.
3. Or Be a part of the system, follow the system and grow enough into the system to reach a stage where I can change it into what I feel is right.

Make a choice dear... there's no point in sitting around and just complaining.

Attachment!!!

I just hope I have the answer by the time I'm done writing this post.
What is attachment?
(If you are expecting a post about email attachments, then this post might not be for you. All attachments are not for mails. Bugs exist even outside softwares. All viruses can't be killed with antivirus, some need vaccines.)

Went to a beautiful place yesterday, I called up my sister from there and told her how I wished she should have been there. Is that attachment?
While talking to a friend, he just mentions that he's not been keeping well for a couple of days... I start feeling worried about him and go down to meet him. Is that attachment?
I have a habit of calling home and speaking to my mom atleast twice a day whether i'm in office or travelling out of the city. But another friend of mine can go without speaking to family for a full week. Does that mean I have the attachment with my family but my friend doesn't have attachment with his family?
Once we spoke about this and my friend said he doesn't have so much attachment with his family, that's the way he has been brought up.
Again, if that same friend gets a call from home for some problem, he'll rush home without thinking twice. Is that attachment?
When I'm away from home, I feel like going back there. Everytime I call my family, I would say "Miss you"
If I am at a beautiful place without my loved one by my side, even then I'll say "Miss you"
Which one is love and which one is attachment?
A lot has been spoken in this world about "Love". I'm not mature enough to even start writing about love.
Can there be love without attachment?
This one word "Attachment" has got so many questions attached.
If someone had to ask me what is this feeling of attachment and how to develop this feeling towards someone, i'm not sure if I will have an answer...

That sense of security?

All those who know me well know that there are two things which I don't like - water and heights. Heights being the worst one. I wouldn't stand on the terrace of a 3 storey building.
And here I am doing parasailing...
Yep... You read it right. Parasailing... It involves both heights and water.
Just for those who don't know about it, parasailing involves a speed boat. There is a rope attached to the boat. On the other end of the rope is a parachute attached. You can clamp yourself on to the parachute (parasail) and hang on. As the boat goes faster the parasail rises higher. The boat goes really fast taking you very high, then slows down, dunking you in water and then speeds up taking you up again. It's like kite flying, with a really big kite and a person attached to it.
Went through a bit of fear while getting strapped into the harness but before I knew I was clamped to the chute and on my way up.
The strangest part is that I didn't feel a tiniest bit of fear after take-off. I was absolutely free... Flying through the air... I even left my hands and spread out my arms to do a little flying action.
How was it possible? Why was I not scared?
The difference between the two examples is the "SENSE OF SECURITY". When I'm standing on a terrace, I'm not having anything to catch me, but in a parasail, I'm strapped on to a harness which will take care of me in any eventuality.
Isn't this the same feeling that a baby gets when it has gone through all the laps and finally reaches the mother's lap?
Isn't it the same feeling a son gets while holding his father's hand and crossing the road?
The same feeling you get when you finally reach home after traveling places...
The same feeling you used to get when you slept hugging that Teddy bear...
Isn't it the same feeling you get when you are sitting with that someone special...
The feeling that right now, nothing in the world can go wrong... And it won't matter even if something did go wrong.
There are a lot of people, places and objects in the world which have given me that sense of security at various stages of my life.
The question I need to ask myself is - Have I ever been that source of comfort to someone? Can someone feel completely safe in my company?
Can I give a sense of security to make someone feel safe inspite of whatever goes on around?
I think I need to ask this question not just as a friend, but even as a boss for my team, as a teacher, as a son for my mother, as a brother, as a husband...
But before all of this, I need to have a sense of security about myself. If I'm scared how can I ever make others feel safe around me?
Can I grow enough in life that I don't need any external factor to give me a sense of security?

No Expectation = Maximum Satisfaction

All those who know me well know one thing that I can walk into any movie and come out fully satisfied with the movie irrespective of how useless / boring / pathetic the movie is. I can enjoy the most floppest of the movies.
How do I do it?
Simple, at the very start of the movie, I drop all the expectations from the movie. Looking at the quality of movies coming out these days, I figure that the best way is to switch off my mind and leave it back home. That way I can enjoy it better. And, by mistake, if it happens to be a good movie, it becomes a pleasant surprise and I can enjoy it even better.

Recently, I went out with a few friends to see a dead volcano. I know, the moment I say volcano you start visualising a huge crater with jagged edges, gray rocks, ashes all over the place, and somewhere far away at the core of the crater, maybe there will be smoke. I'm sure you have seen such views on Discovery Channel and can imagine what I'm talking about.
But that is what you expect.
That is what my friends expected
When we reached there, it was definitely a trip to the top of the hill, it was definitely a hill top with a huge volcanic crater, and sharp edges, but there was one small difference. Instead of gray rock and ashes everywhere, we saw a lush forest in the crater. All the way from the edge of the crater to the center, there was dense forestation and at the centre of the crater there was a small water pool covered with green. This volcano had been dead for thousands of years and now the place was filled by a forest. It was the most amazing view I had seen, although one of my friends was not as excited as he did not see the ashes and rocks.
I was able to enjoy this trip to the max because I had gone without any expectations.
On the same logic, when I cook myself, I enjoy the food the most.

In all the above examples, No expectation = Maximum satisfaction.

We all fall in this trap quite often.
We go places having a predefined expectation.
We get into a relationship expecting a few great things and when they don't work out, we are dissatisfied.
We go to a gym expecting to get 6 packs in a month and when it doesn't happen, its not a good gym.

Can we have Zero expectations from the world? Maybe it makes things easier at times.

Be Careful!!! This is where your cunning mind plays tricks.

I will not walk into my office with zero expectations. When I walk into office everyday, when I make a sales call, when I go to meet a client, when I walk into an exam hall, I have great expectations with myself and my performance. I expect big things from the projects, from the sales calls, from the interviews, from the exams.
That is where one is expected to have expectations.

And end of the day, I understand one thing very clearly - It may not always be good to have expectations from the outside world, But I should have expectations from myself.
What I expect the world defines my relationship with the world
What I expect from myself defines the direction of my growth in life.

What does God eat?

Went to a temple with a friend, on the way back we were talking about a few things when my friend, simply, very casually, very lightly asked me a question - “Does God eat? What does God eat?”
My first answer at that moment was “Prayers”. Have been thinking about it and with every minute things are getting more and more connected.
We keep offering fruits, coconuts, sweets etc to God because from our limited understanding of physical world, these things are supposed to give nourishment. But what we don’t get is that these objects are created by God. How could something created by God possibly satisfy His hunger?
But there is one thing, just one thing that was not created by God. That one thing is “Prayer”. He has created everything else in the world, but the one thing which we have created as humans is "Prayer"
If we had to go all the way back into the history of humankind, I’m sure the very first prayer was either a word of gratitude or a desire communicated to a higher power.
Just like we feel happy, full and satisfied after eating our food, same is with God. He feels happy, full and satisfied at a place where there is prayer.
You might ask: “Okay, So like we become weak without food and can probably die when we don’t get food for long enough, do you mean even God will become weak if he doesn’t get prayer?”
God doesn’t become weak my dear, but yes, the presence of God definitely becomes weak. And when the presence of God becomes weak, we see more bad, sadness, troubles in that place.
Let’s say you don’t have a pet, there is this dove which comes to your balcony everyday and eats the grains which you keep for it. One day you don’t keep the grains, the dove will come and wait. Don’t keep the grains for the next day, the dove will still come and wait. Do this long enough and the dove will stop coming.
Let’s Forget the dove, if your own mother doesn’t give you food everyday but your aunt gives you food, you will start eating at the aunt’s place.
If there is prayer in the house, God comes. If there is no prayer in the house, God waits there, if it’s still not there, he just goes to the place where he finds prayer.
This is the reason why in the old times God was there in every house but today he is restricted to staying in temples only. Because that is where he gets undiluted prayers, less of negative and more of positive.
You might ask: “Okay, agreed that God goes where he finds prayer, but then why is it that in some houses even after praying for so many years, there is no happiness. It feels like God doesn’t want to come there?”
If I had to give you a bowl full of green chillies to eat, would you eat? If I add one heaped spoonful of sugar to the bowl of chillies and give, now would you eat it?
Check the house, chances are that the number of people not praying in the house, number of people jealous, fighting, complaining, cribbing in the house is greater than the number of people offering prayers in the house. How do you expect this to work out?
All of us have had glimpses of our prayers being answered almost magically, look back and see, those were probably the most sincere ones.
My ultimate growth would be if I could get Him to come and stay with me forever on the strength of my prayers...

Define wrong!!!

Was sitting with my friend at McDonald's at a mall in Bangalore. We had some free time so we were just chatting. Somewhere the talk diverted to what is right and what is wrong.
We got into a game and started going through a few things like smoking, drinking, checking out chicks and a few other topics. Everytime I say something is wrong, he would defend it by saying its right.
If I say drinking is wrong, he would come back quoting doctors who say wine is good for health.
If I say checking out girls is wrong because they are someone's daughters or sisters, his answer would be that they are the beauty created by god, nothing's wrong in seeing god's creation.
If I would say something is right, like computer games or watching TV, he would go all the way to prove it is wrong.

Finally we landed on one question --- "Define Wrong"

I don't remember what we discussed after that because that one question brought back to me the definition which my teacher had given to me -

"If you can do something in the presence of your mother, spouse or daughter, then it is right, otherwise it is wrong."

I have never seen a simpler definition of wrong in my life.
Anywhere I try to apply it, it works.
If I try to check out a girl in front of my wife, I'll probably end up sleeping on the sofa.
I don't know a single father who smokes or drinks in front of his daughter.
Never seen a person talking about breaking a law, paying or accepting a bribe in presence of his mother.
This definition has become my anchor for defining my rights and wrongs.
I think I'll end this post here and let this definition do it's work.

Limited connectivity... Unlimited thinking

Am at a place where Internet connectivity for personal purposes is limited, inspire of that the thinking is unlimited. Lot of thoughts going on inside the head. Questions like definition of wrong... Difference between seeing and staring... And a few more are there to be answered.
Will be back to posting really soon...

The Train Journey...

This one is a recent experience and I have to discuss in detail to make the point, its going to be a long post and please take time to read it completely.We were recently travelling by train. We had taken the ordinary class tickets. Ordinary class compartments are always reserved and people without a valid ticket are not allowed to enter those compartments. As a standard security procedure, 2 armed RPF (Railway Police Force) officials travel in these compartments.
We took the midnight train, and it so happened that our compartment was not covered by the RPF. The train departed at the scheduled time of 12 midnight. As we reached the next station at about 1o'clock, a mob of about 150 people suddenly barged into our compartment with luggage and all. There were men, women, children and old men and women in the group and all came barging into the compartment. Some of them were even drunk, they started sitting on our reserved berths.
Since there was no RPF in that compartment, there was nobody to stop them. Of course, the lone ticket examiner was no match for a mob of 150+ strong uneducated, rogue looking crowd.
The normal capacity of a reserved compartment is 72 passengers. Obviously, all the passengers started cribbing and complaining about what was going on. As the Ticket examiner was coming to check our tickets, I could hear the amount of shouting and firing he was getting from the other passengers for not being able to control the crowd. I was feeling bad for the person because I understood that if he tries to mess with any of these "invaders", he will be beaten to pulp.
When he came to check for my ticket, I told him exactly this "I understand that you are going through a lot of difficulty due to this situation, I know you can't do anything about it since you are one person and these are 150+ people, so I know its no point shouting at you and being rude to you, but, I can't give you my ticket for checking. I do hold a valid ticket, but I will not give it for checking unless this crowd is cleared from the compartment."
Believe me, the look he had on his face was as if he was looking at an alien from another planet or an escapee from a mental asylum. I'm sure he was thinking "Where on earth did this guy get such an idea?"
I went on to say - "With so many people travelling in the compartment without ticket, it makes no sense at all for you to check my tickets. I'm travelling with family and baggage, and I definitely don't feel safe with a drunkard without ticket standing right next to me." All this while, I didn't speak one wrong word, no angry words and had a constant smile on my face.
The ticket examiner didn't know how to respond - I was not being angry, not being rude, I was actually speaking to him nicely and had still taken a standpoint. He also felt comfortable talking to me and explained the situation to me.
Apparently, he had requested for armed backup at the previous station and not received the same.
I told him, that if the crowd is not vacated at the next station, I will pull the emergency brakes chain and not allow the train to move forward.He actually told me to go ahead and do it.
At the next station, I did what I had promised, I pulled the chain. Everytime the train started moving, I would pull the chain and it would come to a halt. Meanwhile, he would try to arrange for RPF at the station. This went on for quite some time but they were not able to arrange for armed backup.
While I was pulling the chain, a few guys from the crowd started looking at me, passing comments in the local language (thinking that I didn't know the local language), glaring at me in the face, some of them started speaking rudely to me.
All this while, my only response was to keep smiling even with them. Even they were actually confused because I was not talking or fighting with any of them.
One person decided to pick a fight with me and asked what the hell I was trying to do, just then the ticket examiner came, I told him that a person was trying to pick a fight with me and the ticker examiner fired him. Again, not a word spoken from my side directly with these guys.
I had delayed the train by more than 45 minutes and still the RPF did not arrive when the engine crew decided to override the emergency brakes and the train moved on.
Again, on seeing that the chain was not working, I started laughing with my copassengers. Again this whole crowd was confused, because something I tried had failed. I was supposed to be upsed and they were supposed to laugh, but instead, I was the one laughing.
Surprisingly, at the next station, 2 armed RPF personnel boarded the compartment, and used brute force to literally kick out all the unreserved passengers out of the compartment and on the platform.
By the time things were cleared, it was already 4o'clock in the morning.
When all was settled, I myself went to the Ticket examiner and gave him my ticket for checking. Again he gave me a look which I didn't quite understand. Probably, he meant to ask "What on earth are you"

Quite a few realisations and lessons I picked up from this journey:
1. Its no point fighting with someone who doesn't have anything to lose. I could have easily lost my temper and picked up a fight with those guys, but the fact is that I didn't stand a chance even if just 3 of them decided to get physical.
2. Its no point blaming a person who is already facing problems well beyond his reach. Nobody likes to listen to his / her own problems over and over again.
3. Use the system - I understood the system in place and used it to my advantage.
4. Keep smiling - Of all the tough situations I have been in, I have learned one important lesson, people don't know how to handle a smile. Especially in a heated situation, they definitely don't know how to handle the situation if the other person starts smiling instead of fighting.
5. Last and the biggest lesson - Gandhigiri works. It totally absolutely works in real life, but if one is not brave enough, it can scare the life out of the one trying to use it. I was definitely scared about the prospects of one of the guys deciding to come back and take a revenge on me. I didn't really sleep for the rest of the journey because of the fear. But, at the end of the day, I'm happy that I was able to take a standpoint against wrongdoers and stick to it without losing my temper.
Result... The remaining journey was peaceful for the entire compartment including my people, and I discovered a strength about myself.

Lessons from Kungfu Panda 2

I've been it itching to write this post for a week, but had to restrain myself because I didn't want to spoil it for those who haven't watched the movie.
Went to watch Kungfu Panda 2 last Sunday and got blown away with it. Normally, when I go to watch a movie, I switch off my brains and leave them back home. That's the reason I'm able to enjoy any movie I watch. But even with my brains switched off, I was able to pick up so many lessons that I actually got a doubt whether this movie is actually made for kids?
I'll probably watch this movie again just to make sure I didn't miss anything.
Please be warned, what I'm discussing in this post might give away important plot points and spoil your experience if you have not watched the movie already. Then again, you can always go prepared to experience the movie even better.

Here we go...

Bang... Lesson 1 - Things are not always what they seem to be...
In the very start of the movie, they show two kids talking outside the training place of Po (our hero, the panda), they hear some sounds and they think the great dragon warrior is practicing his Kung Fu. Turns out that Po was holding an eating competition with his friends which was causing all these sounds...
Things are not always what they seem. I will only accept a fact if what I HEAR agrees with what I SEE...

Bang... Lesson 2 - Faith... Trust in your team...
The valley was attacked by wolves and Po and his Kung Fu friends were asked to go to the rescue. They come running jumping across valleys and jumping from cliffs. Every time the whole team jumps, even Po jumps, only issue is that he doesnt know how to land, every time he jumps, crane (one of the team members) catches Po just inches above the ground and lands him safely, and Po actually does it with so much of style and confidence.  All the other friends are Kung Fu masters and obviously making impossible jumps and leaps from clifftops is absolutely easy for them. But given his size, Po cannot do any of that, none the less he jumps in the faith that his team will land him to safety.

Bang... Lesson 3 - Drop Desperation
In the movie, something will be bothering Po a lot. Earlier, his master told him that nothing is impossible for the one who has found peace within. Now, while struggling with his problems, Po is desperately looking for peace and gets really really desperate. But he doesn't find it. Somewhere in the later part of the movie, when he is lost in past memories and not thinking of peace, he finds it... The Peace within. Very true what my teacher has taught me - that which I want desperately may not be denied but will definitely be delayed. I should drop desperation, everything has it's time.

Bang... Lesson 4 - My communication is not complete unless it has reached the other person.
After almost getting killed, Po miraculously recovers and comes back to fight the villain, Po is standing at the top of the tower and challenging the villain telling that his end is near, the only problem is that the tower is too far away and his voice is not loud enough. So the villain cannot hear a thing, obviously he doesn't feel scared and starts firing at Po. All Po's communication gets wasted just because it did not reach the other person.

Bang... Lesson 5 - I will know the ability of my tools before using them...
After shouting from the tower, Po takes off his hat and throws it at the villain. The hat was never designed for this purpose, so it floats in the air and falls harmlessly near the tower without travelling any distance at all...

Bang... Lesson 6 - I will grow so much that my teacher should admire me...
Towards the end of the movie, Po will do some amazing stuff which is possible only after finding the inner peace. In the climax scene, Po's master will come and say this to Po - looks like you have found inner peace, (frowning) at such a young age... This really shows that the master was impressed with Po and was infact shocked to some extent that Po was able to do it at such a young age while it took the master himself so many years and a very very painful experience to find inner peace (watch the movie to know what that experience was).

Bang... Lesson 7 - I should always understand the size the problem before taking it head on...
In the movie, this leader and Kung Fu master "Master Rhino" will be challenged by the villain and his mysterious weapon. Master Rhino has never seen the mysterious weapon before and tries to fight with his own weapon of expertise - his hammer. The result, he gets killed before he knows what happened.
So many times we make promises, give estimates, commit deadlines without fully analyzing the factors involved. I think we need to learn a lesson or two from Master Rhino.

Bang... Lesson 8 - I will use what resources I have in the right way...
The movie revolves around a weapon which has been designed to destroy Kung Fu. Po's master tells him that Po and his team have to stop the weapon and the only weapon they have is Kung Fu. At this point Po asks - "How can I use Kung Fu to stop something that is supposed to stop Kung Fu". The master tells him that the answer is in finding inner peace.
Personally, I'm not very highly evolved and it might be long before I find my inner peace, but what I do understand is that it did not matter whether Po had a bigger, more powerful weapon or not, what mattered was how he used the one weapon he had, that is Kung Fu.

Bang... Lesson 9 - I should never forget my beginning and my family...
Towards the climax, Po goes back to his father's place and spends quality time cooking with his father like he used to before he became the Dragon Warrior. If Dragon Warrior can go back and cook in his own kitchen with his family, you and I are just CAs, CEOs and CFOs.

I was just joking...

I was eating ice-cream in a parlor few days ago. It so happened that a little girl about 2 years old was sitting right next to me. She had an amazing english for a 2 year old and was fond of chitchatting.
We quickly became friends and sat there chatting. I got myself another helping of a large triple scoop of dark chocolate ice-cream and nuts and as I sat I noticed the girl was looking at my serving. Just to tease her I said "do you want it?". As expected, she replied with a beaming yes.
To have some fun, I said "I won't give it to you". Immediately I realized my mistake because the girl got offended and became very sad.
I tried to cheer her up by offering the ice-cream again but there was no way she was taking it. She was not angry, she was just offended and sad. She continued to talk to me but did not even look towards the ice-cream. Her talk was not the same as before. For the next 15 minutes I kept telling her that I was just joking. I tried to get her to eat the ice-cream just to get out of my guilt, my ice-cream was as good as milkshake by now but she didn't even look at it.
Just one negative joke from me had damaged a budding friendship. I'm not sure if I will ever see that girl again but I know that I have made a permanent dent on her experience with me. Her parents were sitting nearby and didn't mind me speaking to her. Interestingly, they seemed to enjoy the whole drama of me pleading to their 2 year old.
Very often we make the same mistake of passing some casual comment, making a rogue remark, cracking a negative joke, being sarcastic, commenting about another person's appearances, personality, limitations etc. Sometimes we do this in private and sometimes in front of others. We think we are being funny without realizing that we might be hurting someone.
I am a strong believer in the power of words. Remember, in those old mythologies when the sage would curse the king and the curse cannot be reversed. There's a reason behind that too...
What has been articulated and uttered will happen. A word spoken whether positive or negative cannot be taken back.
Looks like philosophy, doesn't it?
Look back at your own life and see how many times you have something will happen and it happened... And you found yourself telling "dekha... Bola tha na...." "see... I told you"
How many times someone else has told you this very sentence.
Looks like it's not just a philosophy or Gyan...
The learning I take for myself is that even in a joke I will not use a negative statement.
I'm already working on it and trust me, cracking a positive joke is not easy...