I Right All Wrong...

If one of your students does not understand what you are teaching, maybe there’s an issue with the student…

If most of your students do not understand what you are teaching, there must be an issue with your teaching only… right?

If one player in your team fails, maybe there’s an issue with the team member…

If the whole team keeps failing over and over again… must be an issue with you leadership only… right?

If one of your customers is not satisfied, it may be an isolated case…

If none of your customers are satisfied… must be an issue with your business model only… right?

If you fail once in an exam, it could be less preparation, tough luck… anything…

If every exam you are struggling to pass… must be an issue with your methods of study only… right?

If one job didn’t click, it could be a bad choice…

If you are changing jobs every year… must be an issue with your work only… right?

If one person doesn’t understand with you, there may be an issue with that person…

If nobody understands you, there must be an issue with the way you are communicating only… right?

If one of your relationships is not ok, there may be an issue with that person…

But none of your relationships are peaceful… may be there is an issue in the way you relate to others… right?

If once in a while, stomach gets upset, maybe the food was not good…

But if every second day you have a stomach issue, there must be something with your eating habits only… right?

If you didn’t understand one of the above examples, maybe I was not clear in my language…

If you didn’t understand any of the above examples… Read Again…

Quite often we see ourselves uttering these words ---

“The whole batch of students is dumb”

“All my team members are useless”

“Nobody understands me”

“It always happens to me”

“Nobody listens to me”

Next time you find yourself saying this or any such comment where everybody is at fault and everything aroung you is wrong...

Stop…

Step back…

And Look Again…

Selfish!!!

What will you do if someone called you “Selfish”?

Frown? Get upset? Try to justify that you are not selfish?

Dhondu will probably be happy on being called “Selfish”…

Why?

Let’s see the exact dictionary meaning of Selfish – A person who is mainly concerned with his / her own interests.

Is there anything wrong with this definition?

Of course there are some new dictionaries which add further adjectives like unfair, unreasonable etc.

Lets break down the word into its components:

Self (means one self) + ish (generally added to show orientation of the subject. E.g. impish, childish etc)

So Selfish would mean oriented towards oneself and towards one’s interests.

Whats wrong in that?

A person who works aggressively to get ahead of his peers is called selfish whereas he is actually working towards his own good…

A person who does not want to share what he has is called selfish…

Tell me one thing…

You step out from a place of worship, you see a beggar and give him 5 bucks. 8 out of 10 times, you have a thought that you will receive blessing for this act of yours… Is that not selfish?

How many times in this life time have you prayed to God without asking for anything? Almost everytime we pray, we ask… we beg…

If everything is alright, we don’t even bother to pray…

Is that not selfish???

I met a person who has given up everything in the material world and devoted his life to spirituality… Is he not looking for salvation? Is he not selfish? Is he not looking for something for himself?

Do you think I’m sharing this learning for anybody’s benefit? Even I have my own selfish reasons.

Even when I share my knowledge with others, I’m sharing it in faith that it will come back to me when I need it… That is selfish and I’m fine with it.

Problem is not with being Selfish. Problem is that we have associated the word with Selfish with Wrong.

When you climb up… that is fine. When you climb up by stepping on another’s shoulder, that is wrong…

When you win… that is fine. When you make others lose, that is wrong…

You have knowledge… that is fine. You don’t share it with others when they need it… that is wrong…

Not giving what you have earned the hard way is ok… Taking away others’ earning is wrong…

Being Selfish is fine…

Being Selfish the wrong way is not…

Traffic Rules - Part 2 - Root Cause

The last sharing I posted was the one written from the heart. I was very upset because a few close ones had suffered the consequences of either themselves or someone else breaking a simple traffic rule.

This one’s going to be from the mind because I have had some time to do the thinking...

Enough firing, scolding, shouting, fining, bribing has been done for traffic rules and yet we don’t seem to change…

I took some time and tried to look at the root cause for people breaking traffic rules. Interestingly it boils down to 3 very simple things. So here we go…

Laziness:

How Laziness?

Because, you postpone things to the last minute, leave late, leave in a hurry and then jump signals and weave through lanes to save a couple of minutes.

You know that the drive to your office or a meeting takes 25 minutes, but you will still leave 20 minutes before the deadline and then rush. Why can’t you leave half an hour early and reach relaxed?

Petty Thinking:

Trust me, I’m from a community which is considered to be the stingiest on this planet… and I feel ashamed to see how people are willing to risk their lives and those of others just to save 100 metres worth of petrol.

As I step down from my office, the main road is less than 100 metres from the office gates to the right, but is a one way. If I follow the rules and go left, I end up taking atleast 1.25 kilometres extra round on my bike. Still I take that round every single day and follow the traffic rules.

How long do you think it will take for me to push the bike through the one way and save the petrol, in turn saving closed to 30 kms worth of petrol per month? (that’s less than 60 Rupees per month). Is it worth it?

Most of the people who enter a no entry from the wrong end do so to save those petty pennies. What they don't understand is that it causes confusion to the person coming from the other end and that in turn causes accidents...

Have you ever seen a person pushing his BMW bike, or a Hayabusa down that road?

Because they have risen above the petty thinking.

You keep thinking of saving pennies in petrol, and then you will end up saving only pennies for the rest of your life…

Cheap Thrills:

I have a friend who owns a 250 cc bike, he likes to “rip” it on the road.

If you do it once in a while, maybe on a Highway, its understandable. But he does it every single day.

Once I asked him, why do you do it??? He replied “Gulshan, it gives me a kick to get ahead of people. I’m able to do the same thing in other areas such as workplace etc.”

Some lessons are better learnt the hard way… I didn’t say anything to him at that time. But this is only yet another way to get cheap thrills. If you really have so much fire under your seat, why don’t you pay enough money and get a membership on a professional race track. Atleast you can beat someone with some skills.

You don't wear a helmet or pop a wheelie to impress your girlfriend...

You go zip zap zoom right past other drivers and then suddenly slow down without realising that one of them may not have good condition brakes...

Ripping for fun, not wearing helmet because you think you will look cool, doing wheelies… these are all cheap thrills and will never serve any purpose.

Please grow up...

Traffic Rules - Part 1

Everytime I share an experience, I know that a few more lives will possibly change after reading it… I hope I have succeeded so far…

This is the first time I’m sharing a post without any hope… without any expectations…

I know that you will not like what is going to follow… I don’t expect you to…

Everyline you read, you will have a question… “Gulshan… preaching is easy, are you following it yourself?”

I have been taught that I have the authority to speak only if I have practiced myself… So here we go…

I own a Bajaj Pulsar Dtsi 150 cc bike which is considered as a pretty powerful bike in India.

You will never see me jumping a red light.

You will not see me driving without a helmet, even if I have to go just a 100 metres.

You will never see me using my vehicle beyond its rated capacity (simple English --- No triples on bike)

You will never see me crossing the speed limit (50 kmph in my city).

Even at midnight, if I’m on a traffic signal, I will stop at Red.

You will not see me weaving in and out of lanes without signaling.

You will not see me entering a one way street from the wrong end.

Not even pushing the turned off bike down a one way street (which is quite common in India)

You will not see me speaking on a phone while driving.

Till a few weeks back, I used to listen to music in one ear while driving. I have already stopped it and you will not find me listening to music and driving.

All the critical components in my bike – brakes, tail lights, brake lights, headlights etc are perfectly working.

I have a complete set of documents including Insurance and Pollution check documents.

Hoping that I now look like a decent commuter... lets move on with the sharing...

My house is about 7 kilometres from my office. Yesterday alone, while going home I saw about 15 motorcycle riders riding without helmets. Most of them had their helmets hanging on the bike or on their elbows. (Yes, I actually counted because I was upset with something. Very very upset. I will share that when the time is right)

Another 15-20 motorcycles / scooters where the rider was wearing a helmet but had not strapped it on.

A whole lot of people driving Triples.

One Idiot was driving with his spouse and 2 children on a 100cc bike… without a helmet.

You make a wrong turning while driving at 40 kmph… and after getting trashed up… you have the nerve to say that I was turning at 40 ONLY???

There is a clear “NO ENTRY” board on the road and you still enter because everybody else is entering??? And then you have the nerve to tell that “There is a NO ENTRY board but actually its not so because everybody goes”… who told you that???

Lets come back to helmets…

I’m not a scientist but I know a few things for sure…

A helmet is something worn on the head to “PROTECT” the head in case of an accident. If you think Helmet is worn to follow the law, you are dead wrong. Law or no law should not be a reason for wearing helmet.

A completely closed helmet with a mono-shell design provides the best protection to the head and face.

Front open helmets, removable front helmets, helmets with only a visor are only designs. In an accident, they may protect the head, but the rider still has a risk of serious facial injuries.

Bowl shaped, Cap shaped helmets are not helmets. They do not protect the rider’s temples, lower back of the skull, ears and surrounding areas. These are sensitive areas in an accident and any injury here can be fatal.

Hard Hats (the yellow coloured ones which are worn in factories) are definitely not helmets. They are made for a different purpose.

Cheap helmets purchased from roadside are not good enough.

And after so much of rambling, I know that some of you will still not wear one because it is not mandatory in your city.

Or perhaps you think you are too good a rider to ever need a helmet.

Or maybe the creator has created you with a head made of solid rock...

(To be continued…)

Are you Listening?

Dondu is entering his friend's brother's wedding.
Dondu's friend is receiving guests at the entrance.
Friend: "Welcome Dondu, what happened, you are late..."
Dondu: "I'm sorry, the bank loot took longer than planned"
Friend: "Never mind... Please come in. Don't leave without eating"


Dondu is at a restaurant:
Waiter: "Would you like to have bottled water or regular water?"
Dondu: "Is regular water safe?"
Waiter: "Sure Sir"
Dondu: "Will I get stomach ache?"
Waiter: "Yes Sir"


Dondu had just helped someone:
Someone: "Thanks a lot Dondu"
Dondu: "You are almost welcome"


In all the above examples and many more, the other person never even noticed that Dondu had subtly but deliberately made a mistake.

In case you didn't notice the mistakes, go back and read once again!!!

Why would Dondu do something like that?

First, its fun... definitely a mischievous kind of fun.

Secondly, and more importantly... It teaches us something very very important which is almost always true in today's time.

Nobody has time to listen.

Everyone is so occupied that at times a clearly articulated communication also misses its target by a wide pass.

I'm not just speaking of others, this covers you and me too.

How to fix it:

1. Never speak to someone when he / she is in a hurry. You need to have the person's attention before you speak. Get the attention, it will cost just 2 seconds, but its worth it, because whatever you communicate thereafter will be meaningfully received.
2. Never speak to a busy person - I never speak to a person who is on phone, or on mail, or in middle of anything else. Whenever, someone speaking on phone or computer tries to multitask with me, I always prefer to wait. I value my time, If I think you are important enough to spend time with, you should also feel the same and give me undivided attention. And this holds true for colleagues, friends, family, children everyone.
3. Speak clearly - repetition is fine. This is especially important in work place. I always speak in complete sentences and make sure I have repeated the point to be communicated atleast a couple of times. In the end, I always get a confirmation from the other person as to what he / she understood. This has to be done without questioning the other person's intelligence. The question is not on his / her understanding, its on our communication.
4. Keypoint first... then the story... : Always give the end result first, if the other person is interested in details, then go for it. A person's attention span is only half a minute... If you beat around the bush for first few minutes and then come to the point, you have already lost the audience.

This fixes the communication part, but we also need to fix the receiving part... simply apply the above rules to yourself...

1. Relax and listen
2. No multitasking while speaking / listening
3. Understand the point. Its okay and sometimes even good to repeat what you have understood. Keeps the communication clear.
4. Listen for keypoints.
5. At the end of a communication, you should walk away with action points and tasks.

The purpose of this post is not just for us to be better communicators but to be better listeners too.

We all know how we have made some mistakes in the past where we missed something someone had said. Lets move towards becoming better listeners.