Challa...

I've no idea who I have been looking for...
I just keep searching for him... looking for his place... asking people where he lives...
I keep laughing while I look for him...
I keep crying while I look for him...
Looking up and down the streets...
I feel like I belong to the whole world but I have nothing of mine...
I'm looking for him but don't know where to find him.

In the colours of the rainbow, in the chirps of the birds, in sunshine and shadows, I look for him.
Like one looks for the moon among the clouds... I listen for his sound in the silent winds...

I'm sure he is somewhere very close to me, I can't see him but I can smell his fragrance in everything around me.

He was never separate from me, how is it that I'm searching for him and trying to look for him.
I'm like that prisoner of love who never wants to be freed.

He promised that he'll meet me in my dreams, but the joy of meeting him doesn't allow me to sleep all night...
The very thought of meeting him once in this life makes me breathless.

I keep looking for him... not knowing who he is... not knowing what he looks like... not knowing where to find him... not knowing what I would do when I meet him... I still keep looking for him...

The beautiful thing about music is that it carries different meaning for different people. The above expression is a rough translation of a song I heard a few months. (Times like this, I realise the poverty of my language, I don't have enough words to express the beauty of the original song.)

The song is about a guy who is looking for someone he saw just once. But to me this song has a very different meaning.
To me, this song beautifully shows man's search for his God.
Man looks for God everywhere, in temples, in mosques, in churches, in other places of worship. Man goes to wise men, saints, priests asking for God's address, asking for a way to experience God.
Man searches the elements, the nature, the stars for his God.
Why is it that Man keeps looking for Him when He was never separated from Man. Why is it that Man is surrounded by God, yet keeps looking for Him... Close your eyes and you will experience Him...

Challa is a Punjabi word which means crazy guy. So true, if Man keeps looking for Him all over the place, man must be crazy only... right???

Its not something new which I'm sharing, this is the knowledge handed down to us since thousands of years, yet, like a crazy guy, millions of us will get up tomorrow morning and will run to temples and churches and mosques looking for Him. Maybe, just maybe if we stop looking and just be still, be silent, we just might experience him in that stillness and silence...

Challe... tu ki labda phire???

Choices and Decisions???

Choice is a  possibility to choose from among multiple options.
Decision is the action of having made a choice.

All of us know that as long as we have a choice, we are free to choose... Its a huge freedom...
Once we have made the decision, we are bound by it. Look at it, the very languaging is that we are bound by our decisions. Decision is a bondage...
Right???
We know that we are living in a world full of choices... yet... are we satisfied with what we have??? Are we satisfied with the choices we have?
What's wrong?

What if I turned this entire understanding upside down for you...
What if I tell you that choices are not exactly the freedom they seem to be...
What if I tell you that decision is not the bondage it seems to be...
What if I said that Decision is the biggest freedom in the world that you can gift yourself...

Yep... you read it right...

A friend had come over to stay in Bangalore and was put up at a hotel near my house. Three days which he stayed, I would go and drop him to the hotel on my bike. There was a U turn right in front of the hotel, if we enter the one way, we could save about 2-3 minutes and a few hundred metres of distance, but still I was taking the U turn everyday.
You could easily say - "Being in India, everyone doesn't follow rules perfectly... late night at 11.00 pm, there's not much traffic, no cops... its okay just make a quick trip in the wrong direction carefully and just drop the friend quickly..."
I have a choice to go or not to go...
I can choose based on the traffic at that point of time...
I can check if there's a cop there and based on that I can choose...
Once I have chosen to enter the road from wrong side, I have the choice to stay either on left or on right of the road.
A person coming from the other side has a choice to take the other side or keep coming down the same side...
So much energy is lost in thinking all this, within seconds and that too everytime I go down that road...

Honestly, I don't have the patience...

What do I do?
I gain freedom by  making a decision... A simple decision - I will follow traffic rules...
Now I don't have to waste time and energy thinking about these things...

Recently a friend of mine promised me to give up smoking... a few days later, I saw him smoking right outside my house. I didn't ask but he himself came and said - "This is the first one after 2 weeks, just one occasion since I have a lot of tension."
I didn't see a point in explaining anything...
He is still a prisoner of choice... he has not yet achieved the freedom of decision...

I was a hard core non vegetarian. The quantity of chicken I downed in one meal could put any of my non-veg friends to shame.
Umpteen number of times, I decided that I would give up chicken. First I decided I would eat chicken only when my mom cooks it. Then I decided I would eat chicken only on special occasions. I took up will power games of giving up chicken for 2 weeks, 3 weeks and one month etc.
Finally, I would still go and get one for myself and waste all the effort by digging into that grilled chicken.
This was happening because I was leaving choices open for me. I know that a life is lost everytime to satisfy my 2 inch long tongue. I used to go through some guilt everytime after eating non-veg food.

Then one day, something happened and I decided that I will never have a dead body on my plate again. I decided that my taste buds will never cost a life.
That day I achieved freedom. Its been 5 years and I don't even get a question in my mind on whether I should eat or not.

I decided to have her as my life partner, I don't have to keep looking.

I decided to choose this industry as my career path, I don't have to keep searching.

I decided that my family will always stay in the same city where I live, not there's no two thoughts about it... this one decision is clear, all the other decisions revolve around it.

Choices... You call them freedom, I call them wastage of energy...

Decisions... You call them bondage... I call them freedom.

The most romantic couples I have ever seen are the ones who have been married for 30,40,50 years. Do you think they had the kind of choices we have today. Do you think they have grown to love each other because they each had lots of choices?? Or because they made decisions and stood by them??

I know what you are thinking.... "Gulshan, what if you have made a wrong decision? How will you know if you don't keep looking for options"

My dear, never ever question the decisions you have already made, they belong to the past. Even if they were wrong, its past now. Your next decision can define the rest of your life.

There are no right or wrong decisions, what we do with those decisions makes them right or wrong.

Inertia...

Have you ever been in a function where everyone was dancing and celebrating. Most probably, you were the one sitting at the side watching others dance. You too want to dance but feel shy, that's why you are sitting.
Then, someone comes and pulls you by the hand. First few minutes are awkward, but then you start dancing. Before you know you are dancing in full swing and that day you were the last one to get off the stage.
First getting up to dance was difficult, then you enjoyed it so much that stopping the dance was difficult.

One of those days, you were sitting in the office and working on some issue. Since morning, you hadn't moved and inch on the issue. You were totally stuck and had no idea how to proceed. Around 4.50 in the evening you decided that you will give it another 10 minutes and if nothing works out, you'll call it a day and continue working on it next day.
Somehow, at 4.50 you got the breakthrough and suddenly everything started working out. Before you know, it was 9.30 in the night, you were still in office and finally happy that things worked out.
At first, getting a start was difficult, once you found the solution, stopping was difficult.

Back in school, there were times when you would sit for hours together without getting past 5 pages and then something would click and you would finish the whole book before you get up for dinner.

It was a huge deal for me when I started working out first, but once I started, I was totally hooked on to working on my body.

I started blogging 4 years ago and blogged non stop since then. I stopped for some reason a few weeks ago, and I haven't blogged for almost a month.

There's actually a scientific term for this --- "INERTIA"

Apparently, inertia is not just restricted to the science labs. Its deeply woven into our daily lives.

According to Isaac Newton - The vis insita, or innate force of matter, is a power of resisting by which every body, as much as in it lies, endeavours to preserve its present state, whether it be of rest or of moving uniformly forward in a straight line.

In simple english - That which has stopped, continues to stop and that which is moving continues to move.

Whenever we try to start something good, we find it difficult to start because of the inertia. Similarly, when we try to stop something bad, we find it difficult because of the inertia. But the beauty is that once it is started again, then there is no stopping.

Why I suddenly stopped writing is not relevant right now, I've just overcome the inertia and started writing again.

Tomorrow is a Monday and I think this is the best opportunity to identify our inertia. Where do we find it difficult to start, and where all do we find it difficult to stop.
Lets start the week by overcoming the inertia in our lives...

Where is your magnet focused?

Do you know when your car becomes old???
When your neighbour gets a new car...

Do you know when your phone is outdated???
When your colleague gets the latest 10 inch phablet...

When does your laptop look old???
When your junior who just joined gets a shiney new one...

I'm absolutely crazy about my bike, and have been using it for ages now. But last year, a newer, upgraded version of this bike was released and since then, somehow I've convinced myself that my bike is getting old.
Now, believe it or not, during the last one year, my bike has given me the maximum issues. Starting from engine sound, chain sprocket issues, timing chain issue (I have no idea what it is)... somehow, it feels like my bike is trying to take revenge on me. Latest adventure was when I realised that my tire had gone flat for no obvious reason. I ended up dragging it for half a mile to get the tube replaced.

I have suddenly started facing issues only after I got this thought process that it is getting old.

In workplace, you will always find 2 kinds of people. One's who are always complaining. Somehow, all troubles seem to come in search for such people. And the most interesting part is that their troubles are well justified. Somehow, they are always at the receiving end.
Another category is the ones for whom things just keep happening right. They don't seem to struggle.

To you it might look like, all those who struggle are complaining and cribbing, and all those who don't have any issues are happy.
The truth is - All those are happy, things work out for them. All those who are complaining, get more reasons to complain.

You get what you relate to. The more you complain, more reasons you will get to complain. The more you smile, more reasons life will give you to smile.

Its not that the smiling ones don't have any issues, its just that they choose to smile inspite of their issues.

I know a few of my friends who are absolutely logical, pragmatic, scientific. If you are that type, I'm not sure how I'll convince you. Just think of yourself as a magnet, it attracts those like it.
Only difference is that a magnet can't choose what it wants to be, we can.

I was in a work related discussion today and we were talking about how we need to plan things. I needed to know the availability of my seniors. 2 of my seniors gave two very different approaches -
Option 1 - We will take up this activity. I think it will get over in this much time. But then there are other factors such as x, y, z which could cause a delay. Because of these things, we might end up extending. Plus I'm occupied with a, b, c, so I may not be able to put in time. Subject to that, we should be able to finish it.

Option 2 - Lets see, our due date is x, so we have to deliver within that, if some issues come up, we'll have to move them around, I am occupied with a few things but I think I can manage. This looks doable, we should be able to meet the targets if we push ourselves a bit harder.

The first guy is focused on the issues and can see them more clearly, the second guy is focused on the goal and can see that more clearly. It is not that the second guy is turning a blind eye to the challenges, its just that his focus on the goal is clearer and everything else is ancillary. Who do you think I should work with???

I've shared about getting one's magnet right a few times before, but I still felt that this was worth sharing.

Where is your magnet focused???

For Granted?

You have probably read this story a few hundred times by now as mail forwards and as facebook posts, but I can promise you that you wouldn't have read it the way I did. So please, for my sake, read this story to the end, read it the way I want to share it...

There was this man travelling by train. In the same compartment, there was another man travelling with his son. The son was probably 16 or 17 years old. The son was quite excited, almost as excited as a 3 year old. He was seeing outside the window and making some pretty childish comments every now and then.

Suddenly the son said - "See papa, that tree also has a brown trunk, how is it that all trees have brown trunks"
The father replied - "Well, that's the way it is."
Son - Wow, there are so many different shades of green. That's green, right?
Father - Yes son, that is also a green.
Son - See papa, the railway tracks are going parallel to us
Father - Really? lets see how far they can keep parallel...
And the son kept saying - "See papa, the whole sky is blue", "the birds are trying to race with the train", "Everything is going by so fast", "The hill at the distance looks like its moving forward instead of back"... and so on.

Everytime the son would make such a comment, the father would say "Its beautiful, isn't it!!!", "Very nice", "Amazing" etc. It was very obvious that the father was being very patient with his son.

Finally, our friend couldn't watch it, so he said to the father - Looks like your son needs help, I think you should take him to a doctor.

The father, with all his excitement replied - Actually, we are coming back from the Doctor. My son here was born blind and he just got an eye transplant. He is just learning to see...

The man was dumb struck. That is when reality hit him, and hard...

Something beautiful happened right then - For the rest of the journey, this man sat right next to the young boy and enjoyed each and every sight with the young boy. He had travelled that route a few hundred times, but he saw a new world that day. A world with new found eyes.


For the last few years, my loved one was going through great pain and trouble due to some dental issues. She was not able to eat anything sweet, spicy, hot, or chilled, not able to drink soft drinks, effectively letting go of everything pleasurable because of the dental issues.
Recently, she completed the entire treatment, and is now able to eat anything she wants.
You should see the smile on that face when she eats what she wants.
A healthy mouth is something we take for granted, but for her, it was an absolutely amazing experience to be able to eat and drink whatever she wants.

I used to hug her everyday, three times a day, sometimes fight with her, sometimes not speak to her for days. She would make cakes and sweets for me and I don't remember saying thanks once to her. Then, one day she was gone. That is when I realised what it is to have a grand mother in one's life.

I go to work with it everyday, for 8 years it has been my partner, so much so that its like second nature for me to ride my bike. Then, one day, at 11 in the night, the clutch wire snapped. That's when I realised how I had been taking its reliability for granted.

She's waiting for dinner everyday when I go home, then one day, she was not feeling well and ate early. When I came back home, I was eating alone from my plate, that's when I realised how eating together from one plate was a default activity for me.

Most of us have irritating mom's, who keep pestering us to keep our rooms clean etc, wait... the day will come when you will realise how you have been taking your mother for granted.

You keep cursing the job, the company, the boss, yet you keep coming to the same workplace for years. That credit into your salary account every month is taken for granted. Until, one day, recession hits... that's when you realise that you took the job for granted and never tried to work on your skills...

We take the body for granted... Wait till the doctor tells you about that anomaly in the liver, or that white spot in your mouth, or the day you have to climb five floors and you realise that 125 kilos is a lot of baggage.
If you don't take care of it, this very body will start betraying you...

Only for the last few days, I have become more aware of my dental health, I enjoy my gym workouts better, I enjoy the family time better, I take better care of my bike, I drive a bit more safely, I don't mind doing some house work.

It is the very basic nature of us humans that we take all the beautiful gifts of life for granted and only when they are gone, we realise the true worth of them...
We have been doing this for all our lives... Atleast now can we change???

The Hug...

I was sitting at my friend's place to see her new born baby.

We sat there chatting while the baby slept peacefully. Then while we were talking, I touched the nice chubby cheeks of the kid and instantly a slight frown appeared on his face, then the mother caressed the other cheek and the frown disappeared, even a slight smile came back. All this while the baby was still asleep.

Somehow that baby seemed to recognize the touch of his mother even when in deep sleep.

Must be some magic in that touch...

I remember when we were kids and fell sick, how our mom would sit next to us. She would just keep caressing our hair while we slept. Somehow the touch seemed to heal us. I still remember how I used to cling to my dads legs trying to hug him while I was barely above his waist height.

Even as we were growing up, my mom would give us a hug when we left for school and would welcome us with a hug when we came back. That habit lives on even today. I leave the house hugging each and everyone in the house and again hug everyone in the evening when I come back home.
Not a single day goes by when I haven't hugged each one in my family atleast 3 times.

Unfortunately, in today's time and age, we don't have time to hug, time to hold hands, time to sleep with our head in that loved one's lap...

A father doesn't have time to hug his son, a mother doesn't have time to hug her own daughter... The result... when these kids grow up, they start missing that loving touch which they received as kids. Over time, they forget the value of it.
We now have a generation where a husband hesitates to hold hands with wife in public.
We are in a generation where if a son actually goes and hugs his mother, the mother gets worried and asks - is everything alright???
We are in a generation where if I hug a guy friend I met after ages, three of the people on the road will think I'm gay...

For the first time in my entire blogging, I find myself poor, I don't have enough grammar to tell you the value of a hug, the value of a touch, the value of a clean non-sexual touch.

If you trust me as a friend, do this today. Do this right now.

Just go and hug the first person in your house right now. (that doesn't include your maid servant, she might charge you with assault.) Whether its your mom, your dad, your sister, your spouse, your brother, your sister, you friend, anybody at all... Heck, go hug your landlord...
Find a loved one and give them a hug. Not a single word, no explanations, if they ask you, just say you felt like doing it... Just one hug...

If you are not able to do this even after reading this sharing, then I'm afraid you have already lost the most valuable experience in your life and I can promise you its not coming back.

This sharing is not for you to go and like in facebook.
Its not for you to read and feel good.
Its not for you to read and think - Gulshan writes well.
Whether Gulshan writes well or not is not the question, because if this sharing is not able to change your heart, then all my writing is probably not worth a dime for you...

Go ahead, beat the hesitation, experience that hug, that touch and come back and tell me how it was...
Trust me... I'll be waiting for your comments on this one...

Mirror - Part 2

A few days ago, I had shared about a mirror and how it tells us only the truth. Then I went on to share that every person needs a mirror in life, a teacher, a parent, a true friend... someone who can tell unpolished blunt truth.

One of the feedbacks I received said this - "My belief is that even a mad man walking on the streets, shouting and pouring his anger/tragedy and what not is a Mirror for us, may be not directly for our issues but indirectly pointing us to take care or else......"

Thats so true that I had to share this with everyone.

When I see a man shouting like crazy on the road and being rude to others, I look up and say, Thank God I'm not like that.

Whenever a person drives like a monkey or the hungry coyote and whizzes past me, I just think - Thanks God I don't drive like that.

And then, someone in the office comes and passes a comment on my work, and I don't like it. Then I realise that I said something similar to another colleague a few days ago. This friend has shown me the mirror.

Seeing a friend go through health issues, getting parts of his body taken apart and lying on the table just because he could not drop that last glass or that last butt... even that is a mirror showing me that I have been on the right track so far.

Seeing my friend pile up kilos every year and gathering unnecessary weight on his body only pushes me harder to stay fit.

Next time you see an ant in your house, don't squish it, just shove is far away from its path. What happens next will be a revelation to you. The way it comes back to its tracks again and again and again you might realise something. (and the ant doesn't even read this blog)

My teacher says, some people make mistakes and learn, smart people see others' mistakes and learn. Of course, there's a third category which never learns no matter who's mistake it is.

My point is - 

When you seen someone suffering from cancer because he smokes and drinks, its a clue for you to drop these habits. To continue doing these thinking it will never happen to you is absolutely foolhardy and @#$!#$.

When you see someone driving without a helmet and meeting with an accident, its your clue to wear a helmet and drive safely. If you continue making the same mistake he made... well, then you will become an example for someone else...