I Love it... So... I Destroy it...

Well... atleast thats what we all seem to be doing...

A few days back, I was sitting with a friend at KFC. I don't eat chicken, so I was eating the aloo tikki thing they have launched. My friend got a chicken bucket and dug in. As we started eating, my friend took the leg piece, said "I Love Chicken" and took a mighty big bite into it. I attacked my aloo tikki.
(For the record, I was a non-veg once and used to eat chicken too, have cleaned up 2 full grilled chicken on the best of my days, but that was ages ago.)

Another incidence happened at a picnic where I had gone with my friends. We took a lot of pictures and some of them were worth being used as wallpapers. One friend of mine likes a bunch of flowers, tries to take a pic, doesn't get a good shot, so goes ahead to pluck the flowers so that someone can hold them in the right way for a pic. I stopped that friend from plucking those flowers and we took the pictures from different angles without hurting the flowers.

People of Bangalore have a special attachment with Lalbagh Botanical Garden. Its a huge park with a wide variety of plants from different parts of the world. Bangaloreans just love this place. People come here with their families, play, have fun, eat, drink, have a merry time and then leave, leaving a large pile of plastic covers, packets, trash behind.
Now, I'm not the "Go Green" guy but I know that the trash goes in trash bin, and it really is disappointing to see people destroying the cleanliness of that place.

You love chicken... so kill it. You love the flower... pluck it. You love Lalbagh... pollute it. 
The moral what I have learnt so far is "Whatever you love, you destroy it..." simple... Right??
Actually, the answer is "No"

The thing is that people are confused about what they love.
You don't love chicken, you love eating chicken. There is a difference.
You don't love the flower, you just love the picture of the flower.
You don't love Lalbagh, you just love to go to Lalbagh.
In the process of doing or getting what you love, you are destroying something else.
That is the problem. You don't have to destroy something.
To get what you love, if you have to destroy something else, then its not worth getting it.
Either stop loving it. Or find a way to get what you love without destroying anything else.

My Teacher once said - "You Do Not Have The Right To Destroy What You Have Not Created."

I don't kill to satiate my taste buds. I enjoy the beauty of flowers without hurting them. I make the government's investment in Trash bins worth it.

Trust me, it is possible to Love without Destroying. Think about it.

I know I'm wrong... but....

Was just talking to a friend the other day. Somewhere the topic diverted to me being too possessive about someone. My friend started telling me how bad it was to be over possessive. By being possessive I am actually becoming a hinderance in someone's growth.
If I let go... give freedom... allow to go out and explore the world... it makes the other person more independent. On the other hand, if I become possessive, not allowing the other person to breathe... I'm actually hindering the growth.
The discussion went on for some time and I knew my friend was right and I was wrong.
Finally, at one point I said "I know I'm wrong, but this is how it works for me..."
For about 5 seconds I was actually silent as I realised the effect of what I had just said.
Knowingly or unknowingly, we are all stuck in this trap. We know we are doing wrong but still we don't (or rather Can't) drop the wrong. We try all means and excuses to justify whatever we are doing. Giving all kinds of reasons and trying to prove what we are doing is right.
Then a point comes when we finally accept and say this same sentence "I know I'm wrong but... (and whatever follows to complete this sentence is just a sign of our helplessness)
I know even today there are so many aspects about me where I know I'm wrong and I'm trying to improve on them.
The key is to let go of this sentence and work for a solution. Trust me, its a lot easier said than done. Solutions can at times be painful.
I know as I write this, I'm moving closer to dropping the wrongs which I know I have...

Would you have done it the same way?

I was doing my CA final in those days. I had just come back from my last exam and was talking to my senior Vinay. I was quite excited about the way my exams went, especially for MICS (Information Technology) as that was my strongest subject.
While we were discussing about this paper, Vinay asked me one question "Gulshan... Even if you had gone without any preparation at all, would you have written the exam in the same way?"
I answered with a "Yes".
Vinay said "Problem hai na..." (Thats a problem).
I didn't dwell much on that remark until 2 months later when I got my results for CA Final. I was shell shocked to see that I had failed in MICS by just 3 marks. For the first time I had failed in my CA exams.
I was thinking where I had gone wrong, thats when I realised the depth of Vinay's question.
The fact that I can perform the same way without any preparation at all means that my current preparation status is actually as good as no preparation at all.
In Short... Over-confidence... Complacence...
That day onwards, this has become a guiding rule for me. After every activity I complete, I ask myself, "If I had done this without any preparation, would I do it the same way?"
If the answer is yes, then I know that I have to improve a lot more.
This is the rule I apply everywhere... client presentations, office meetings, teaching sessions, trekking trips, outings, studies... every aspect of my life.
Trust me, when you have gone in with a preparation, somewhere during the process you will realise and tell this to yourself "Good thing that I prepared, otherwise I would not have been able to handle this".
If you find yourself thinking this, then your preparations have been good and you are on the right track.

Are Goodbyes Good???

Someone once asked me: How would you like to leave this world?? Sudden End or a slow end with lots of time to say goodbye.
My answer was obviously - "Sudden End"... No Pain... I won't even realise that I am gone.
Who wants to go the slow painful way... never knowing which breath is the last one.
Then, one day, I saw the end... well almost. And the only thing on my mind in that second was "Sh**... I don't even get a chance to say goodbye to my loved ones. Guess I would take the slow painful way any day. Atleast I will get to say a goodbye.
Today I'm asking myself the same question once again...

I once lost a loved one whom I didn't get a chance to say goodbye... I cursed that fellow sitting up there. Complaining that this was unfair... wrong... to just snatch away without warning.

Today... I see another loved one... losing life one part at a time. I am just a spectator. I can't even say a goodbye because that person doesn't recognise me anymore... doesn't recognise anybody for that matter. The physical body is giving up day after day.

What is the point of such goodbyes when the goodbye is not communicated.

I don't know if I will find an answer to this question in this life... I'm just a lost kid.

Petrol Engine works better with Diesel

Really... It does. I just learnt this fact a couple of days back from a friend in my office.

We were sitting for a coffee break and while chatting my friend asked about my plans on new year's eve. I didn't have anything specific. This friend of mine had some tickets for a new year eve party. For some reason, so many people around me seem to have only one agenda on weekends - to get drunk. And the same agenda applies to christmas eves, new year eves, republic day, independence day and just about any day when they don't have to get up for office.

I told my friend that I don't drink alcohol. And thats when he got into the process of explaining to me the benefits of drinking. The point he was trying to make was that drinking is actually good for health. It removes the toxins from the body, helps the mind to relax bigtime, relieves stress and so on. He actually pulled out the references from some researches and scientific studies and literally went out on a rampage to explain to me the benefits of drinking.

I really listened to his non-stop ranting for the next 5 minutes or so... then I just asked one question - "Have you ever tried to put Diesel in your Petrol car? Somebody told me that the petrol engine runs better with diesel"
This one statement of mine marked a beginning of another rampage by my friend. "Are you crazy or what? Pagal kutte ne kata hai kya? How can you put diesel in a petrol engine? The engine will cease instantly and suffer irreversible damage. Petrol is basically a much more refined fuel than diesel."... and so on. (obviously he pulled out enough research studies to support it.)

All this time, I was only thinking about how much contradiction this guy has in his life. I figured that its no use trying to communicate or explain anything to this friend. He's not ready to listen yet...

As far as the statistics are concerned... I don't know the scientific benefits. All I know is that the dirty liquid we call alcohol has never done any good to anyone... Ever.
All I know is that I have lost enough loved ones and seen enough families destroyed by this habit of drinking.
In the name of relieving stress, relaxation, social drinking, "Its not alcohol, its just a breezer" and so on... people are only destroying their own life.

The question I asked my friend was once asked by my teacher and has been a compass for me for a long time. Not just here but in so many other aspects of life.

"But Gulshan, I drink with my own money, I smoke with my own money... What is your problem?"

I have no problem, its your money, your life... do what you want with it. But on one condition. Don't get married and never have a family.
Nobody has given you the right to destroy the life of your wife and children.
They don't have the right to cry over your dead body in which the only thing left at the age of 40-45 is a decayed liver and burnt out lungs.
They don't have the right to see chunks of flesh being torn away from your face because of cancer and see your ugly face for the rest of your life.

Petrol Engine works best with Petrol only. Please... give it Petrol.