You are Wrong…

I can confidently tell that just by reading the heading of this post, you would have thought twice before clicking and reading further…

That’s exactly the essence of today’s learning.

I used to have a colleague and we worked together on quite a few projects. Whenever we used to have any argument on the process or results in our work, he always used to start the sentence with “Gulshan, you are wrong”… for whatever I’m saying.

What would your response be if someone said that to you…

Wait…

Before you say “I will try to understand” or anything like that… look back at your own past…

Everytime when someone says you are wrong… There are only 2 possible results…

1. You will disconnect yourself from the conversation irrespective of whether you are right or wrong…
2. Or… you will tell that person to prove that you are wrong… in the process you will make sure that you prove that person wrong… (that’s our ego at work…)

Its human behavior that nobody wants to listen to his mistakes.

I’m from an audit profession and we are trained to find mistakes for 5-7 years… that is our mental programming… but today, I’m thankful to that friend because he trained me at something more important…

I have learnt to respect another person’s intelligence…

You will never see me speaking the words – “You are wrong”…

How do I handle when someone tells me that I’m wrong?

When I’m in an argument and someone says I’m wrong… I will give that person all the time required to explain where I’m wrong… only 3 outcomes are possible here –

1. I will get clarified and corrected.
2. The person will realize that actually he is not correct
3. The person will not have the patience to explain and will allow me do things my way

In either case, I don’t have to argue at all…

On the other hand, how to tell someone that he / she is wrong…

Trust me… out of my own bitter experiences… whenever you start a sentence by telling the person that he / she is wrong… rest of you sentence is a waste because nothing will reach that person.

If I see someone is wrong… I ask the person why he / she is doing things that way…

The person will try to clarify and explain…

I ask enough questions… wherever you think the person is wrong… ask that as a question… “how will you handle this…” “what if this happens…” etc…

Through a series of questions, the person will realize that he / she is wrong…

Now, once the person realizes his / her mistakes, correction will follow automatically, and all without spoiling any moods.

Plus, that person will grow in respect for you…

Do this long enough and the person will come to you looking for corrections…

Nobody wants problems pointed out… everyone wants solutions…

You are in a dark room… you keep shouting “its dark… its dark”… what’s the point?

If you have to shout… atleast shout “We need light… we need light…”... maybe you will get an idea to get some light... (if nothing else... you might get that idea bulb which they show in cartoons and that might give you the needed light)

All I'm saying is instead of pointing out a mistakes, point out what is missing… and you will see ways to fill it…