Split - Part 3

Please read this sharing with the understanding that I do not tell what to do... I just share what I do...
Got a few interesting comments on the earlier two sharings and you guys have asked me the exact questions for which I was planning to give the answers. So I figured that's the best place to start...


Comment 1 -
Agreed Gulshan completely the world will be a better place if these personalities were even.
Now one question yo have probably pointed out some cases let me ask a few questions
If u feel offended (small petty personal/corporate issue) by someone do you point it out the same way if he/she is
a. family
b. friend
c. colleague
d. boss
e. big boss
f. stranger


Answer:
First of all, my answer won't change based on whether it was personal or corporate issue. That is where the biggest split happens. If I'm not ok with something I have only 2 options - Either remove the problem or remove myself from there.
So, if someone has offended me, whether I will correct that person? - Yes... definitely yes... no split there.
Whether I will correct all of them in the same way? - No.
I know what you are thinking... Gotcha!!! even gullu has a split... let me just deviate with an example...
When I hug my wife... I get a smooch in return...
When I hug my sister... I get a peck on the cheek...
When I hug my mom... I get one on the forehead...
If I hug a female colleague... I'll probably get a sexual harassment policy slapped on me...
I don't even want to imagine what happens if I hug a stranger lady on the road...

If a positive hug needs to be handled delicately... just imagine what it would be when you have to give a negative feedback.
What we need to understand is that all of us share an emotional account with each other and how I receive your feedback will be very different from how your own wife would receive.
Correcting my family is the most important thing for me... correcting a stranger is the least...

Comment 2 - 
In my opinion we have a lot of corporate rules, that forces us to behave differently with different people.
We tend to behave nicely with boss as he will appraise us.
We tend to behave competitively with collegue as we are competing for that share of increment
I hope we will be able to collect the courage to move way from these splits and lead a transperent life.

Answer:
For starters, I don't believe that corporate rules force us to behave differently with different people. I just need to go to office, do my work, lead my team, be led by my team leader, update my reports and head back home.
Actually I am probably the most improperly behaving guy in the whole team even when the boss is around. And I have a habit of sharing anything new I learn with all my colleagues. I know that even if I share all that I know I will still be able to maintain enough edge to get my increments.
Problem happens - Split happens only over the coffee breaks when we speak about our seniors or juniors in their absence.

Comment 3 - 
Gulshan I agree that we do have splits.
I have adopted these splits to reduce fights in my personal relationship.
I have also adopted some of these splits in my professional life for visibility of my work and task.
At the core of my heart i know that this is manipulation and manipulation does not have longer life.
Is there a way we can get away from these splits?

Answer:
I had once given an answer to do a mirror test. Today its one more test... If you can look into the eyes of your loved one and hold that gaze... you don't have a split.
(Gulshan - why do you have a fixation on eyes??? Well... I am a strong believer in the power of eyes.)
Visibility in work place can be best achieved by work...
If I ever find out that a person manipulated me, I would not trust that person again.


Do you remember the last time you had to speak a lie. Remember how you had to keep a track of 2 different stories at the same time and keep remembering which one to tell to whom?
We are doing the same thing unconsciously by having splits.
Trick is to be consciously aware when the tongue and intentions are out of alignment.

A lot of theory / philosophy / gyan can be discussed here, but I think the answers that have come here through for the above 3 comments are much better than what I could have written myself.

If there are any questions unanswered... answer just might come through me at sometime... someday...