I Shouldn't Have...

Recently, I was on an eating spree with a few friends. We were a group of about 5 friends and eating dinner at restaurants everyday. There was this amazing character in the group who I found to be particularly interesting, he was a huge guy (6ft 3), lets call him the “Big Guy”.

When we ordered the meal on the first day, he ordered only a Fruit Salad and a Juice.. Reason being that he was on a diet. I ordered for a Cheese Veg Augratin for myself J.

started Then, as our orders arriving, he got interested in a particular dish another friend had ordered and took a bite from it. This way he took a test bite from all the orders. Finally he really liked one particular grilled dish and order a portion for himself.

After the meal, we ordered desserts and the Big Guy followed the same routine. He first ordered only a single scoop vanilla icecream but ended up ordering another Banana Split Large.

At the end of the dinner, He was the one who had started off by saying that he was on a diet and He was the one who ended up eating the most.

As we were coming out of the restaurant, I heard the Big Guy saying “Today’s dinner was too heavy, I shouldn’t have eaten so much.”

Next day, the Big Guy came to office with a Heart Burn and spent the full day saying that he would follow a disciplined diet for the rest of the week.

That evening, the same story repeated itself.

Next Morning, “I think I have an upset stomach” says the Big Guy.

This process of filling up well and cribbing away the next morning went on for the whole week.

At one time, I really felt like asking “You decided to eat less, nobody kept a gun on your head and asked you to overeat, you yourself decided to order the excess food, you yourself over-ate… then what is the point of complaining?”

This is just the example, so many times we do things which we know are not okay. We ourselves decide that we won’t do something, then we ourselves override our own decision, and then we complain.

This is the inability to stick to one’s decision. It reflects in every aspect of a persons life, office, personal life, health… everywhere.

If I find myself saying this sentence very often – “I shouldn’t have…”, then maybe, just maybe I’m suffering from a weakness where I can’t stick to my own decisions.

I guess, if I can take care of this one weakness, I will be a much Better and Responsible decision maker.

Ok... I'll be tolerant... but...

Have been thinking this since I wrote the last post.
In the last post, I ended by saying that I will give a benefit of doubt to someone who does something wrong to me.
I know that the next thing you will ask me is "Gulshan... This person has done wrong to me again and again... people have hurt me, cheated me over and over again so many times... how can you ask me to give him/her a benefit of doubt?"
I'll tell you the story of 2 amazing characters I know. We'll call them Chunnu and Munnu (names changed for obvious reasons).
Both Chunnu and Munnu were born as innocent as angels. At the right time, they were introduced to this world and the different types of people who live in it. Both of them faced deception, hurt from their loved ones, but the way they dealt with it was quite different.
Every time Chunnu was hurt or cheated, he became smarter while dealing with the same person next time. He continued to relate with that person, but with Caution. Over a period of time, Chunnu developed a sense of identifying when someone had wrong intentions. In all these years I know Chunnu, he has never been cheated twice by anybody. Infact, in the last few years, nobody has managed to come close to causing any harm to Chunnu.
Lets look at Munnu now, Every time someone hurt him, he went into sad and grumpy mode. Then, the person would come and say "Sorry", speak a few sweet things and they are friends again. Sometime later, the same person would do wrong to Munnu again and the cycle of life goes on for Munnu.
There's no use trying to guess who Chunnu and Munnu are, what's important is that this could be your story and mine.
I really admire Chunnu for his qualities - He's good. He's good to even those who are bad to him. He gives a benefit of doubt to people when they make mistakes. But more importantly, also relates cautiously once people have made a mistake.
Chunnu's policy is simple --- I Will be Good, But I will not allow others to use me as a Doormat. Just because someone is bad, I will not stop being Good.

Coming back to the question "What do I do with the people who have hurt me repeatedly and intentionally?"
Well, If someone can hurt me once, it is his/her skill, but if he/she can hurt me again, its my foolishness...

We are Tolerant with God but not with Man...

The topic in this post came to me through my teacher. Today it comes to you through me. When I heard it, it was theory. Just recently I experienced it practically.

One fellow fell from the first floor balcony and broke his arm. In the hospital, I heard one of the neighbours saying "Thank God its just a fracture and he didn't suffer any serious injuries"

A few years ago, one of my relative had his leg literally shattered in a freak accident. Doctors had to operate for hours and implant a metal rod to save his leg. I heard his mom say in the hospital "Thank God that I have my son back"

I was a part of a bike accident last Feb when my bike malfunctioned and skid in the middle of the road for no reason. The only reason I lived to write this post is that the nearest vehicle behind me (a public transport bus) was far behind and swerved in time to avoid my head. The moment I got up I said in my mind "Thank God the bus was far behind"

These were our transactions with God. Lets look at how we transact with Man.

That guy said he will call back and didn't call back. The first thought that comes to our mind is "He's trying to avoid me"
Someone forgot your birthday and you think "He's taking revenge because I said something wrong to him"
Your boss comes and fires you for something you did wrong and you start thinking that your boss does partiality because he didn't fire your colleague when that colleague made a mistake.
You don't go to his wedding because he didn't come to yours.

Why are we able to practice tolerance with God but don't have any tolerance with Man?

Just because we think God is all powerful we try to look for positive in all his actions.
Just because we think we can be more powerful than another person, we don't have any tolerance towards that person.

I'm not saying that we should treat everyone as God.
Atleast, can I give a benefit of doubt to a person's mistakes and just tell myself "He/she is a good person. There must be a reason for whatever he/she did, let me give him/her one more chance"

I guess if I could just achieve this much, the way I look at things will change for my own good.

I Love it... So... I Destroy it...

Well... atleast thats what we all seem to be doing...

A few days back, I was sitting with a friend at KFC. I don't eat chicken, so I was eating the aloo tikki thing they have launched. My friend got a chicken bucket and dug in. As we started eating, my friend took the leg piece, said "I Love Chicken" and took a mighty big bite into it. I attacked my aloo tikki.
(For the record, I was a non-veg once and used to eat chicken too, have cleaned up 2 full grilled chicken on the best of my days, but that was ages ago.)

Another incidence happened at a picnic where I had gone with my friends. We took a lot of pictures and some of them were worth being used as wallpapers. One friend of mine likes a bunch of flowers, tries to take a pic, doesn't get a good shot, so goes ahead to pluck the flowers so that someone can hold them in the right way for a pic. I stopped that friend from plucking those flowers and we took the pictures from different angles without hurting the flowers.

People of Bangalore have a special attachment with Lalbagh Botanical Garden. Its a huge park with a wide variety of plants from different parts of the world. Bangaloreans just love this place. People come here with their families, play, have fun, eat, drink, have a merry time and then leave, leaving a large pile of plastic covers, packets, trash behind.
Now, I'm not the "Go Green" guy but I know that the trash goes in trash bin, and it really is disappointing to see people destroying the cleanliness of that place.

You love chicken... so kill it. You love the flower... pluck it. You love Lalbagh... pollute it. 
The moral what I have learnt so far is "Whatever you love, you destroy it..." simple... Right??
Actually, the answer is "No"

The thing is that people are confused about what they love.
You don't love chicken, you love eating chicken. There is a difference.
You don't love the flower, you just love the picture of the flower.
You don't love Lalbagh, you just love to go to Lalbagh.
In the process of doing or getting what you love, you are destroying something else.
That is the problem. You don't have to destroy something.
To get what you love, if you have to destroy something else, then its not worth getting it.
Either stop loving it. Or find a way to get what you love without destroying anything else.

My Teacher once said - "You Do Not Have The Right To Destroy What You Have Not Created."

I don't kill to satiate my taste buds. I enjoy the beauty of flowers without hurting them. I make the government's investment in Trash bins worth it.

Trust me, it is possible to Love without Destroying. Think about it.

I know I'm wrong... but....

Was just talking to a friend the other day. Somewhere the topic diverted to me being too possessive about someone. My friend started telling me how bad it was to be over possessive. By being possessive I am actually becoming a hinderance in someone's growth.
If I let go... give freedom... allow to go out and explore the world... it makes the other person more independent. On the other hand, if I become possessive, not allowing the other person to breathe... I'm actually hindering the growth.
The discussion went on for some time and I knew my friend was right and I was wrong.
Finally, at one point I said "I know I'm wrong, but this is how it works for me..."
For about 5 seconds I was actually silent as I realised the effect of what I had just said.
Knowingly or unknowingly, we are all stuck in this trap. We know we are doing wrong but still we don't (or rather Can't) drop the wrong. We try all means and excuses to justify whatever we are doing. Giving all kinds of reasons and trying to prove what we are doing is right.
Then a point comes when we finally accept and say this same sentence "I know I'm wrong but... (and whatever follows to complete this sentence is just a sign of our helplessness)
I know even today there are so many aspects about me where I know I'm wrong and I'm trying to improve on them.
The key is to let go of this sentence and work for a solution. Trust me, its a lot easier said than done. Solutions can at times be painful.
I know as I write this, I'm moving closer to dropping the wrongs which I know I have...

Would you have done it the same way?

I was doing my CA final in those days. I had just come back from my last exam and was talking to my senior Vinay. I was quite excited about the way my exams went, especially for MICS (Information Technology) as that was my strongest subject.
While we were discussing about this paper, Vinay asked me one question "Gulshan... Even if you had gone without any preparation at all, would you have written the exam in the same way?"
I answered with a "Yes".
Vinay said "Problem hai na..." (Thats a problem).
I didn't dwell much on that remark until 2 months later when I got my results for CA Final. I was shell shocked to see that I had failed in MICS by just 3 marks. For the first time I had failed in my CA exams.
I was thinking where I had gone wrong, thats when I realised the depth of Vinay's question.
The fact that I can perform the same way without any preparation at all means that my current preparation status is actually as good as no preparation at all.
In Short... Over-confidence... Complacence...
That day onwards, this has become a guiding rule for me. After every activity I complete, I ask myself, "If I had done this without any preparation, would I do it the same way?"
If the answer is yes, then I know that I have to improve a lot more.
This is the rule I apply everywhere... client presentations, office meetings, teaching sessions, trekking trips, outings, studies... every aspect of my life.
Trust me, when you have gone in with a preparation, somewhere during the process you will realise and tell this to yourself "Good thing that I prepared, otherwise I would not have been able to handle this".
If you find yourself thinking this, then your preparations have been good and you are on the right track.

Are Goodbyes Good???

Someone once asked me: How would you like to leave this world?? Sudden End or a slow end with lots of time to say goodbye.
My answer was obviously - "Sudden End"... No Pain... I won't even realise that I am gone.
Who wants to go the slow painful way... never knowing which breath is the last one.
Then, one day, I saw the end... well almost. And the only thing on my mind in that second was "Sh**... I don't even get a chance to say goodbye to my loved ones. Guess I would take the slow painful way any day. Atleast I will get to say a goodbye.
Today I'm asking myself the same question once again...

I once lost a loved one whom I didn't get a chance to say goodbye... I cursed that fellow sitting up there. Complaining that this was unfair... wrong... to just snatch away without warning.

Today... I see another loved one... losing life one part at a time. I am just a spectator. I can't even say a goodbye because that person doesn't recognise me anymore... doesn't recognise anybody for that matter. The physical body is giving up day after day.

What is the point of such goodbyes when the goodbye is not communicated.

I don't know if I will find an answer to this question in this life... I'm just a lost kid.