My clients decide my clients...

Was a part of an event recently where we were the organisers. We were using some of the infrastructure and workspace for hire from a service provider. This workspace and infrastructure were on a sharing basis. That is, we were using only 30% of the vendor's resources and the remaining were hired out to other clients. The service levels, work quality, equipment etc were excellent quality and more than served our purpose.
But, if you ask me "Gulshan... will you use this service provider again?"
My answer will be "NO"
Why?
Reason - Their other clients...
While I was there, I had a chance to interact with the other clients of this service provider, and honestly, they were very very ordinary quality users. The reason they were there is because this service provider works at very low pricing and has them as his target customers. I had not seen these other clients when hiring this vendor. The quality and the standards at which we prefer to work, we don't even want to be around such people.

When I was in selling in my earlier job, a number of times, my prospective clients used to ask for the list of our existing clients. I had a very limited list of clients back then, based on that very list, I was able to get some new clients and I lost some prospective clients.

Now the whole reasoning behind it really adds up. And knowingly or unknowingly we all do it.
Just imagine that you go to Westside, Shopper's stop or any nearby apparel store. The collections are great, prices are awesome, service is top class and you like to go there. One day, while in the store, you bump into another customer who is properly, totally, absolutely drunk. He just says sorry and goes away. Would you feel like going to that store again?
That one drunk customer has now decided the store's clientele.

If you feel that you are not able to get the clients you want, maybe its because of the clients you have. Check if you want to leave some of those clients which you are currently having because they are not in tune with your long term goals.
This very fact is known to the businesses and they apply it as well. Haven't you noticed that the doorman of a 7 star hotel stops you if you are not properly dressed (wearing pyjamas and flipflops), or the discotheque which allows only couples to enter and so on...

Just as I am typing this, I realised, that this is true with our friends too... If I have a friend who is pervert, drinks or smokes, very soon I will find myself having a bunch of friends who drink and smoke. At the same time I will start losing out on my good friends.

Looks like its not just about clients, but in so many other aspects of life...
My friends decide my friends
My relationships decide my relationships

New beginnings...

Have heard this Gyan over and over hundreds of times, read in forwarded SMS and mails - "you cannot go back and change the beginning but you can always make a new beginning today and change the ending"

"Hi, Gulshan..." These are the words I always use to introduce myself. These very words were used to begin a friendship 8 years ago. That was a beginning and back then nobody bothered to think how it was going to end. After nurturing that friendship for so many years, I'm making yet another new beginning in the same relationship. This time, I think I know how I want it to end.
It took me 8 years to reach this new beginning. There were so many times we had differences of opinions, those differences could have been a beginning of a breakup, we had so many other friends walk in our lives, those friends could have become new beginnings, but somehow we were destined to reach this stage today and create a new beginning of our own.
There is something weird about beginnings. We can make a new one whenever we want and that becomes the foundation for a new ending.
Too much bogged down with your studies because your parents wanted you to study? You can start a business alongside and make a new beginning today...
Got sucked into family business even though you wanted to study? Start studying again and make a new beginning.
Made a mistake and broke a relationship? Go back and make a new beginning.
Lost your health? Start jogging today and make a new beginning.
BEWARE!!!
It is good to make a new beginning, but too many changes could bring instability, too many and too frequent job changes in the name of new beginning are not okay.
Just because you read this blog, don't go searching for a new spouse / boy friend / girl friend by leaving the one you have, you could make a new beginning with the same person.
Every time I pray, I'm making a new beginning in my relationship with Him.
Right now as I type this, I see a beautiful orange ball rising on the horizon and I know it's yet another beginning.
Wish you a happy beginning...

Give "why" a break...

I have a major strength. I have a very logical mind and will never do anything which I don't understand. This applies to all places... Work, studies, everywhere... If I'm asked to do something in a certain way, I need to understand why I'm doing it that way, else I won't do it. It's a great strength and I know the value it has added to me. The rule of life has become --- "Don't do anything unless you know why you are doing it..."
At times it does become my weakness.
Through a bunch of recent experiences, I have learnt that at times we need to do things for someone else even if we don't know why and what we are doing.
It's perfectly ok to ask why debit and why credit.
It's perfectly ok to ask why hydrogen and oxygen both fuel fire but water puts fire out.
It's ok to ask why we should jog every morning.
It's ok to ask why we should be punctual everywhere.
It's ok to ask "whys" which have answers...
But, at times, there are "whys" which don't have answers...
Why do you love me?
Why should I love you?
Why should I put flowers at the feet of that statue with an elephant head?
Why does this happen to me?
Why did he/she do this to me?
Why me?
There are tonnes and tonnes of whys which we can go on asking but will never find a satisfactory answer.
If my loved one is asking me to do something and if I love and trust that person and it's something that could possibly not hurt me, then I think I can skip the why and go ahead and do it.
Especially in relationships, it's the best thing to skip a few whys every now and then. Life just might become easier.

That's because it is you...

Was taking a session in the class a few months back, at one point I gave an example on exam preparation. I was explaining with my personal example on how I used to study for 18 hours a day without stress by planning my time. After the class, a student approached and said “Sir, you were able to study for 18 hours because its you, we can’t study like that, what should we do…?

Recently, at work, I came across another instance where I was explaining a concept to a colleague by giving my example. Again I got the same response – “Tu to Tu hai na, tu kar sakta hai…” (that’s because its you, you can do it)…

Looking back at it, this is a very common reaction we all have.

I realized that I too have that weakness. Whenever I see my Teacher, Mom, Seniors or anybody doing something very well or achieving excellence in something, the first thought that comes to my mind is “That’s because its him / her… I don’t think I can be like that”

This innocent looking (at times flattering) comment is probably the worst think we can do to ourselves.

Why?

Lets see how:

1.      First, we are placing someone at a very high pedestal (this is probably not wrong)

2.      Second, we are telling ourselves that the person is up there because he/she is an extraordinary person and not everyone can be there.

3.      Third and the most dangerous one – We tell ourselves that only he/she can be there, we can’t.

What we are doing in the process is that we are undermining ourselves and destroying any remaining chances we had for achieving that status.

Over and Over I have heard this statement about myself and others – “You are able to do it because its you, we are ordinary people, we can’t be like you”

It is a good thing to be impressed by someone’s achievements, and its totally different to put oneself down looking at another’s achievements.

If you see someone singing or playing guitar very well, its good to be impressed by that. But its not okay to tell yourself that you can never do it. All it takes is a couple of months in music classes.

If your friend is very good in maths / accounts / science and always gets a rank because of it, its good to be impressed, but that doesn’t give you a right to tell yourself that "only he/she can get 1^st rank, I can’t". All it takes is a couple of months of additional tuitions in that subject.

If your colleague is better than you, its just a matter of time you will also be there.

I’ve have already made a correction for myself by following a simple trick.

Now, when I see someone excelling in a field, I am impressed. I tell the person that its amazing, wow, great and so on.

If it is something I don’t want to do, I stop there.

If it is something which I want to do, I just go ahead and ask the person what is required to reach there. Very often the other person is more than willing to help me out.

Otherwise, I figure out a way for myself and find out what needs to be done and do it.

But in no case... never anymore do I use this sentence… “That’s because its you…”

If you cannot handle the answer… Don’t ask the question…

Recently I was part of an event where I was helping a few students prepare their presentations.

On the day of presentations, one of the student speakers came to me and said “In this particular part of the presentation, I am making a statement. Do you think that  instead of making a statement it is a better idea to pose a question to the audience?”

I knew that the speaker was a first time speaker on the stage. I told – “If you pose a question, the audience can either say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ in response to your question. Do you think you are prepared to handle the answer? Plus, its not a good idea to make last minute changes to a thorough preparation.” The speaker went ahead with the earlier preparation and didn’t pose it as a question.

What goes around comes around, including lessons of life.

In the very same event, I was also responsible for crowd management. As a part of my plan, people were not supposed to leave the hall before a certain time. However, they started leaving. So I took the mic and addressed the crowd. I knew this particular gathering of students takes great pride in themselves. So I addressed the crowd and asked the question “Are you all students of a professional course?” I was expecting a “Yes” so then I would tell them to show it by behaving and being seated and the crowd will get managed.

What I forgot is that these students take great pride in crushing another person’s ego.

As soon as I asked the question, I was slapped with a resounding “NO” from the crowd. All 1500+ at the same time. That day I realized how it feels when the heart, brain and tongue stop working all at the same time.

After about a nano second of shock, I asked the question again (I was actually buying time to figure out a response for myself). Again the response came as “NO”.

Third time I Asked “No?”

A resounding “NO?” (By now, I knew what I was doing, I was prepared for a “NO” next time as well.)

“Final Time, NO?”
“NO”

“Then be seated!!!” was my response

Instantly the crowd broke into a huge laughter and settled down. I just took a minute to explain the crowd management plan to the students and they were willing to be seated for some more time.

The lesson I learnt here was, first of all, I myself had given a lesson to someone earlier and didn’t follow it for myself.

Second, obviously I had asked a question but was not prepared to handle all the possible answers. I was only ready to handle the answer I wanted to hear.

This was the second time I made this mistake, even when I proposed to my fiancé, I was prepared for all the negative responses because that is what I was expecting, but she shocked me by saying Yes and I didn’t know how to handle.

The above questions were still questions with a purpose, worst part is that we all have this bad habit of asking useless questions just for the sake of asking.

Do you love me? How much do you love me? Do I look fat?

And then, we expect that the answer should also be as per our choice.

Well, Sorry, this is not Utopia.

Just imagine how it would feel if you get any of these answers:

Do you love me? --- No.

How much do you love me? --- I love you as much as my Playstation 2.

Do I look fat? --- Of course, what do you expect sitting on the couch and watching melodrama all day long?

What is the purpose of my life? --- You being born was just a mistake.

Why am I going through all this? --- Because you were an absolute sinner in the last life and you are paying for it now.

Whether it is the above questions or any other question at workplace, in profession, to my teacher, the lesson I learnt from this experience is that:

1.      If I ask a question, I will accept the answer with an open mind.

2.      I will ask a question only if I am prepared to handle the answer… whatever it might be.

We see what we want to see...

Recently I went with my friends to buy a suit for myself. There is this age old rivalry between my body and readymades… they never fit.

After a bit of time and effort, I finally liked a suit with a beautiful blazer design. As I tried it on, the shoulders, collar and chest fit perfectly, as if it was made for me.

But, the mid section was way too narrow and my “prosperity” around the waist was clearly visible.

I was busy looking at the well fitting parts of the blazer and was more than willing to buy it.

All this time, my friends were looking at the waist and not willing to buy it.

Finally I agreed and we moved on to the next shop in our quest for the “Perfect Fitting Suit”

What set me thinking was that because I liked the design of the blazer and the way it fit on the shoulders, I was willing to ignore the bad fitting at the waist.

At the same time, because my friends were looking at the bad fitting, they were not willing to look at the well fitting portions of it.

Had a similar experience in office a few days ago. I was working on a particularly complicated document. All this time I was paying special attention to every calculation and checked and double checked to make sure it was fine. When I finally sent out the document, my senior came back asking why I had not covered a point in the introduction section. This was supposed to be a very basic, simple point but was critical to the clarity of the whole document. In my entire focus on the complicated, I had overlooked the simple things in the document.

Was just thinking about a loved one last night and again this concept was glaring in my face.

I was thinking how in the last few years, that person has become less caring, has done a few wrongs and a distance has been created because of these things. Right now, I’m seeing the wrongs in that person and willing to let go of the relationship. But this is the same person who helped in a very critical part of my early life and unknowingly is responsible for where I have grown today.

Why am I not seeing those goods in the person to keep the relationship.

Just because I like a person, I’m willing to see the good on that person… and just because I don’t like a person, I’m able to see only the bad in that person.

Why go too far… he / she has a crooked nose, is too fat etc… but because of that will you let go of that special friend? No… Because you are willing to see the good qualities, you don’t care about the physical appearances.

When I was learning auditing, my boss always used to say… “Gulshan, you hear only what you want to hear… you see only what you want to see. Come out of that trap and see the information as a whole, both the rights and the wrongs, only then you can be a good auditor”

Without realizing, he was giving me a lesson of life…

“If I can rise above what I want to see, I can see a lot more.”

One sees a difficult exam… another sees less competition…

One sees recession… another sees time to consolidate…

One sees possessiveness… another sees jealousy…

One sees caring… another sees interference…

One sees Hitler… another sees discipline…

One sees ahimsa… another sees cowardice…

One sees faith… another sees superstition…

We see what we want to see!!!

Have you seen God?

I have this friend (lets call him Dondu) who has a hobby of getting involved into “Intellectual” discussions just for the sake if it.

One such day while having a coffee, he asked me --- “Have you seen Ghosts?”

“I haven’t” I replied.

Dondu continued telling his story, “We had a neighbouring house which was haunted and we used to hear sounds at night, it was quite freaky and we used to……..”

At this time, Dondu’s cell phone rang and he started talking to the caller about the new credit card offer. Once done, he came back to the topic.

While he was talking, there was a parallel thought process going on inside my head.

Somewhere down the line, Dondu asked me --- “Have you seen God?”

“I’m happy I haven’t yet” I replied.

The look he gave me was as if he was looking at someone who has escaped from a mental asylum.

Finally he said – “Chhod yar… tujhse baat karna hi bekar hai…” (Its no use talking to you)

Looking back at it… Everything that runs this world, every single force which we have harnessed, cannot be seen.

Cell phones work on Radio Signals or Microwaves (CDMA/GSM)… We can’t see those signals.

Microwave Ovens… We cannot see the microwave energy waves.

Radiation used to generate Nuclear energy… We cannot see it.

X-Rays… We cannot see it.

Electricity… We cannot see it. (We can only see a manifestation of electricity in form of a bulb…)

Wind… We cannot see it. (We can see the particles and objects flying in wind, not the wind)

FM Radio Signal… We cannot see it.

Satellite Signals… We cannot see them.

Ghosts… we cannot see them.

God…

Lets first try to see the day to day things, then try and talk about seeing the Ultimate energy source that runs the Universe.

For us to actually see the things discussed above, they need to manifest themselves into a form, in great concentration. Trust me, as fragile humans we may not be able to handle the manifestation.

When exposed to microwaves, radiations and Xrays for long durations, we run the risk of diseases, mutations, cancers.

When Electricity manifests itself, it becomes lightning carrying millions of volts to become visible. Trust me, you don’t want to be anywhere closeby at that time.

When Wind energy manifests itself in form of Tornadoes and storms, we all know what happens.

When Ghosts decide to make themselves visible, you and I would probably be looking for the nearest rest room.

Then what makes us even think that we are ready to See God?

What have we achieved in life to deserve seeing God?

There are forces, energies, spirits, vibrations, whatever you call them, they have been there forever and will probably be there for ever.

As a person, its my job to respect them and utilise them in the right manner (okay, not utilise ghosts, but other positive energies that exist) without interfering with these forces.