That's because it is you...

Was taking a session in the class a few months back, at one point I gave an example on exam preparation. I was explaining with my personal example on how I used to study for 18 hours a day without stress by planning my time. After the class, a student approached and said “Sir, you were able to study for 18 hours because its you, we can’t study like that, what should we do…?

Recently, at work, I came across another instance where I was explaining a concept to a colleague by giving my example. Again I got the same response – “Tu to Tu hai na, tu kar sakta hai…” (that’s because its you, you can do it)…

Looking back at it, this is a very common reaction we all have.

I realized that I too have that weakness. Whenever I see my Teacher, Mom, Seniors or anybody doing something very well or achieving excellence in something, the first thought that comes to my mind is “That’s because its him / her… I don’t think I can be like that”

This innocent looking (at times flattering) comment is probably the worst think we can do to ourselves.

Why?

Lets see how:

1.      First, we are placing someone at a very high pedestal (this is probably not wrong)

2.      Second, we are telling ourselves that the person is up there because he/she is an extraordinary person and not everyone can be there.

3.      Third and the most dangerous one – We tell ourselves that only he/she can be there, we can’t.

What we are doing in the process is that we are undermining ourselves and destroying any remaining chances we had for achieving that status.

Over and Over I have heard this statement about myself and others – “You are able to do it because its you, we are ordinary people, we can’t be like you”

It is a good thing to be impressed by someone’s achievements, and its totally different to put oneself down looking at another’s achievements.

If you see someone singing or playing guitar very well, its good to be impressed by that. But its not okay to tell yourself that you can never do it. All it takes is a couple of months in music classes.

If your friend is very good in maths / accounts / science and always gets a rank because of it, its good to be impressed, but that doesn’t give you a right to tell yourself that "only he/she can get 1^st rank, I can’t". All it takes is a couple of months of additional tuitions in that subject.

If your colleague is better than you, its just a matter of time you will also be there.

I’ve have already made a correction for myself by following a simple trick.

Now, when I see someone excelling in a field, I am impressed. I tell the person that its amazing, wow, great and so on.

If it is something I don’t want to do, I stop there.

If it is something which I want to do, I just go ahead and ask the person what is required to reach there. Very often the other person is more than willing to help me out.

Otherwise, I figure out a way for myself and find out what needs to be done and do it.

But in no case... never anymore do I use this sentence… “That’s because its you…”