Plus one for Honesty

There was this classroom full of ultra competitive students. All fighting for quarter and half marks on each subject because every half mark mattered in deciding their ranks.
Today the Sanskrit teacher was distributing the results of Sanskrit Test held last week.

Dondu was one of the students there and like everytime he had aced it this time also. One question of the test involved the use of word Ball. Correct usage of the word was "Kanduken", but Dondu had wrongly written it as "Genden" which is obviously wrong.

Somehow, the teacher had not noticed the mistake and had given 1 mark for the answer. There was a crowd of about 7-8 students huddled around the teacher's table bargaining for any marks they could squeeze by proving they were right.

Anybody who has been to school can imagine that scene.

Dondu walked to the teacher's table, through the crowd and then this is how the conversation happened...

Dondu - Ma'am, this answer is wrong

Ma'am (while talking to 3 other students simultaneously) - Yeah... It must be wrong...

Dondu - But, you have marked it right.

Ma'am - So?

Dondu - Ma'am... I've given a wrong answer and you have given me a mark for it. I need you to change it.

The 3 others went silent, the teacher looked at Dondu from Top to bottom... confused...

Ma'am - Whats the problem? You are getting an extra mark only...

Dondu - But I don't want that mark...

Teacher was fed up by now. She took the paper and did a "-1" from the total marks.

And then, the most beautiful thing happened... The Teacher gave a proud smile and gave a "+1"...

She said - "This is for your honesty, now go back to your seat"

That day, Dondu learnt the value of his Honesty.

15 Years later...

A couple of months ago, Dondu jumped a Red light (purely by mistake, the traffic light was obscured by a standing bus)

And there round the corner a Traffic Cop was standing. This is how the conversation went:

Cop - You jumped a Red light

Dondu - Sorry, I didn't realise it was red

Cop - All you youngsters drive recklessly and then make excuses @#@@#$@%... (censored)

Dondu - I really did not realise it was Red. If I have made a mistake, I am willing to pay whatever the fine.

Cop - That will be Rs. 100

Dondu paid Rs. 100

Cop turned to walk away.

Dondu - Sir... Can I have the challan for it

Cop - Are you new to the city? This 100 was for leaving you with the warning. If you want a challan, you will have to pay the full fine amount of Rs. 300

Dondu - Fine, I'll pay 300, but I need a challan. If I've to pay, I'll as well pay the proper fine and walk away proudly.

Cop Looked at Dondu from top to bottom, went to his bike, picked up a challan book and wrote a challan for Rs. 100

Dondu - This challan is only for Rs. 100, you said it was Rs. 300 with Challan.

Cop - I'll take only Rs. 100, the Rs. 200 pardon is for your honesty.

Again... after 15 years... Dondu was reminded of the value of his Honesty.

Who is Dondu does not matter... The purpose of this sharing is not to teach you the value of Honesty, it is to share the value of Your Honesty.

I don't say Honesty is the best policy... I strongly believe that My Honesty is My best policy.

But, I also understand that I will be honest only with the person who will not hold my honesty against me.

Rules of being God

Was watching Bruce Almighty yesterday. It is the story of a guy who keeps cursing God for everything wrong in his life. One day, God gets fed up and decides to meet Bruce. God gives him all his powers and wants to see him run the world for some time.

However, there are 2 rules to being God:

1. You can’t tell anyone you are God
2. You can’t mess with free will

I know that this is only a movie and doesn’t have anything to do with reality.

And these are really tough rules even for even God to follow.

But, I’m beginning to think that maybe just maybe, God really has to follow these rules.

Just imagine if you were in God’s place, would you tell anyone that you are God?

I guess not.

Just imagine hundreds and thousands and millions of people all coming to you to get their problems solved. Just imagine what your condition would be even if you were God.

The second rule is equally tough… you can’t control anyone’s free will.

If you were God… and you had to see your own creations destroying each other and destroying the world… wouldn’t you just want to control their minds and stop them right there…

Just imagine how it must be if someone thought of stealing something from you, zzzaaaappp… one signal came and the person decided not to steal.

Or someone is trying to kill another person… zzzaaappp… mind changed… he’s not killing anymore…

Now, imagine, you are going to say the 3 most important words to that girl… zzzaaappp… you are not going to say anything now… (because you were not meant to be)

Or… there is this amazing girl walking in an “amazing” dress next to you on the road… zzzaaappp…. You are not looking at her any more…

Your are alone at home in the evening… unlimited internet supply… and you decide to open some of those “interesting” websites… zzzaaappp… now you are looking at a religious website…

Not much fun… is it?? We would be no more than remote controlled puppets then…

I guess, we are supposed to have our own free will after all… and there is a reason we have it…

What I do with my free will is entirely upto me… and it is also my part to bear the consequences… good and bad…

I should respect the fact that this freedom to think and decide my actions… this free will… is something I have which even God doesn’t and it is my responsibility to use it well…

You are Wrong…

I can confidently tell that just by reading the heading of this post, you would have thought twice before clicking and reading further…

That’s exactly the essence of today’s learning.

I used to have a colleague and we worked together on quite a few projects. Whenever we used to have any argument on the process or results in our work, he always used to start the sentence with “Gulshan, you are wrong”… for whatever I’m saying.

What would your response be if someone said that to you…

Wait…

Before you say “I will try to understand” or anything like that… look back at your own past…

Everytime when someone says you are wrong… There are only 2 possible results…

1. You will disconnect yourself from the conversation irrespective of whether you are right or wrong…
2. Or… you will tell that person to prove that you are wrong… in the process you will make sure that you prove that person wrong… (that’s our ego at work…)

Its human behavior that nobody wants to listen to his mistakes.

I’m from an audit profession and we are trained to find mistakes for 5-7 years… that is our mental programming… but today, I’m thankful to that friend because he trained me at something more important…

I have learnt to respect another person’s intelligence…

You will never see me speaking the words – “You are wrong”…

How do I handle when someone tells me that I’m wrong?

When I’m in an argument and someone says I’m wrong… I will give that person all the time required to explain where I’m wrong… only 3 outcomes are possible here –

1. I will get clarified and corrected.
2. The person will realize that actually he is not correct
3. The person will not have the patience to explain and will allow me do things my way

In either case, I don’t have to argue at all…

On the other hand, how to tell someone that he / she is wrong…

Trust me… out of my own bitter experiences… whenever you start a sentence by telling the person that he / she is wrong… rest of you sentence is a waste because nothing will reach that person.

If I see someone is wrong… I ask the person why he / she is doing things that way…

The person will try to clarify and explain…

I ask enough questions… wherever you think the person is wrong… ask that as a question… “how will you handle this…” “what if this happens…” etc…

Through a series of questions, the person will realize that he / she is wrong…

Now, once the person realizes his / her mistakes, correction will follow automatically, and all without spoiling any moods.

Plus, that person will grow in respect for you…

Do this long enough and the person will come to you looking for corrections…

Nobody wants problems pointed out… everyone wants solutions…

You are in a dark room… you keep shouting “its dark… its dark”… what’s the point?

If you have to shout… atleast shout “We need light… we need light…”... maybe you will get an idea to get some light... (if nothing else... you might get that idea bulb which they show in cartoons and that might give you the needed light)

All I'm saying is instead of pointing out a mistakes, point out what is missing… and you will see ways to fill it…

It does not matter how many Questions I ask…

It does not matter how many questions I ask… what matters is what I do with the answers I find…

The last few days have gone into a lot of thinking...

I have always been told that it is good to ask questions, but I have realized in the last few weeks that how I use the answers is more important.

We have been in this journey called “Seeking my Answers” well over 1 year now. In this time, I have shared my questions, my answers, realizations, very close and personal experiences… anything from which I learnt something, I have shared it here…

The question I need to ask myself now is “What have I done with the answers that I found?”

What have you done with the answers I have shared?

For the last few days, I have been going through each and every topic I have posted…

At the end of each topic, I ask myself – this came through me, but am I making the best use of the answer or realization that I found?

These posts come to the blog only after I am practicing them in real life… still at times, I tend to deviate from my learnings… what matters is how soon do I correct myself and come back on track…

I do get angry, I do get egoistic, I do get indecisive…  (I’m a human after all) what matters is that I realize it quickly enough and correct myself…

I receive a lot of comments / mails saying “wow… awesome post…” “well written”… etc…

But, I’m still waiting for a single mail saying “Gulshan… I learnt this from your post and this is how it has added value to me or this is how I have implemented it…”

The internet is flooded with content which is much better worded, better rhyming, much fancier and much more meaningful that what you will find on this blog…

You have not spoken to that friend for so many years... now you find an amazing quote about friendship which someone shared on facebook, you also copy it and share it on your wall without thinking twice...

You share Anna Hazare's quotes on facebook when working in office... jump the traffic signal on the way home... get caught and walk away after paying 100 bucks to the traffic cop...

Are we becoming merely carriers of knowledge???

This is not about reading a good article, feeling good about it, maybe forwarding the link and then forgetting all about it to go back and live the ordinary life style…

This is about reading someone's experience that could change your life forever... no matter how small the change is...

I know some of the regular readers who have read each and every post on this blog… this is a request to those readers… please go back and read those postings again… all the links are available in monthly archives on the right side... ask yourself if you have done justice to the learning shared in that post…

Nothing happens without a reason… If I have written this today, it was meant to be written… If you are reading it right now… you were meant to…

What are you going to do after you have finished reading this is what matters…

It does not matter how many questions I ask… what matters is what I do with the answers I find...

Sorry for the bad joke...

There is a very thin line between humour and sarcasm.

A bad joke even if it is in good humour can do a lot more damage than a few bad word spoken in anger.

This one's dedicated to all my really really close friends who I value a lot.

Exactly a week ago, I cracked a joke which I thought was funny, but turns out that unknowingly I have hurt some of my friends.

I am sorry to all my friends for the impropriety on my part. It was never my intention to send across a wrong message.

I believe this is the best way to say sorry because if I come and apologise to you in person, I might end up hurting you more.

I know I can get pretty weird when it comes to jokes, thats why most of my jokes are on myself. Even this bad joke was on myself, but I guess I crossed the line.
If you have felt bad, then it means that you value me as a friend and I value that more than anything else.

I am really really sorry if I have struck the wrong cords,
I will make sure this does not happen again
and if there is anything I can do to fix this, I will do it.

I know the power of words, and that the damage done by words can never be healed.

I promise to you that I will be more careful in cracking jokes in the future.


By the way, for those who are still confused, this post was intended only for those friends of mine who know the background and were there at that time and at that place.

If what I'm talking about didn't make sense to you, then it means you were not there at that time.

Please don't go on a hunting trip to find out what I'm talking about.

If possible, take a lesson from my mistake and maybe learn the value of humour.

Alcohell...

No… this is not a spelling mistake. That’s the correct spelling…

Warning:

This is going to be a very rude and blunt post… if you are not ready… do yourself a favour… don’t read further…

Those who know me, know well that at the end of this post, what you think of me will not make any difference to me… but it will make all the difference to you…

Sometime ago, a friend of mine told me – Red wine is good for health, even doctors say we should drink red wine… you should try it once…

I told him – “My question is – If it is that good for health, why don’t you give a small dose of it to your 1 year old son every day before breakfast and dinner???”

Someone said – Brandy is good... “Doctor’s Brandy”… it keeps the body warm… even our grandparents used to give it when we were kids.

Oh… I guess my grand parents were not that smart because they told me that things like jaggery, pepper, honey, tulsi, ginger etc would keep the body warm…

Someone said – Drinking is the sign of a man…

My dear… “Not drinking” is the sign of a complete man…

If you have an evening to spend… will you spend it drinking with friends or with your spouse???

This is not a casual question... So Think and then Answer…

Bacardi breezers are fine… they have very low alcohol content… they can’t do any harm…

Again, my question is… will you give even a teaspoon of Bacardi breezer to your 1 year old son???

If your answer is yes, then you are reading the wrong blog. If this can’t change your mind, then nothing in this world can… there are a lot of websites on the internet glorifying alcohol for connoisseurs like yourself…

There are only 2 things that alcohol can do to you –

At worst, it will turn you into an animal with no respect or consideration for others… violent, moody, unpredictable… Eventually, you will end up making a mistake which you will regret for the rest of your life.

At best, it will turn you into a clown, a funny source of cheap entertainment to others and a complete embarrassment to yourself… chances are that you will end up carrying that with you too…

I know, some of you are thinking that Gulshan behaves like a clown even without drinking... correct, I am an absolute clown... but by my decision and not by the bottle's decision... I'm in always in my senses (whatever senses I've got)

Something which can make you do things which you wouldn’t do in your full senses… how can that be good?

If you have had even a single sip of this stuff, no mother in this world will give her child in your lap as long as you have the smell in your mouth… and I’m sure mothers are not stupid.

I really respect the Islamic scripture because it has banned consumption of alcohol in any form…

Even Hinduism has classified alcohol as “Tamasik” because of its inherent nature…

Those who wrote these scriptures were probably not that stupid too…

But Gulshan… I always have control…

My Dear, control is only an illusion… If you are thinking that you are in control… just wait!!!

I know this post will hurt… and the intention of this post is to hurt…

It is better to get hurt now and correct oneself rather than to wait for life to come and correct the harder way…

What I’m saying will hurt “you”… when life decides to correct you, it will hurt “you and the ones you love”…

The choice is entirely yours…

Abundance = Bad ???

Was just going on a bike with a friend a few weeks ago. On the way we saw a BMW X6 2011 model (its a pretty cool car).
We sped up just to get closer to the car and have a better look.
As we got closer, I told my friend - "One of these days, I have to own one like this one"
Immediately my friend said - "All these guys make money by wrong means, straight guys like you and me can't get that rich" and for the next 5 minutes he continued saying a few things which I don't want to share here.

What he is doing is that he is unknowingly creating a mental programming that Rich = Bad.
Rich can only happen through wrong means. He is associating negative thoughts with abundance.

On the other hand, everytime I see an awesome house, or a nice car, or a successful person, I just tell myself - I will be there someday.

For just a moment, lets forget about all the spiritual gyan given to us, all the theories and all the logic. Just tell me one thing...
Everything else remaining constant, out of the above 2 people above (me and my friend), who has a better chance at abundance... the one who appreciates and craves for it or the one who criticizes it...

What I or my friend said about the BMW owner will never make any difference to that person, but it will make all the difference to us.

When you see someone getting married, what do you think -
"wow, great"           or           "one more gone"

When you see someone buying a new house or a car, what do you think -
"that's great, I think I should also get one" or "let's see how he can afford it"

When your colleague gets promoted, what do you think -
"*** kisser, apple polisher"           or           "next time its going to be me"

When you lose a game -
"he cheated"           or           "I'll be back when I'm better"

Now, evaluate your current stage in life with your responses above...

What you think will not make a difference to the other person, but it will make all the difference to you...

All the above is true only if I'm careful of one thing...
Thinking alone is not enough... Any thoughts or words released by me have to be backed by consistent action... otherwise they are just a big waste of energy...