As your SOW so you reap

Yep... you read it right... and no... there is no typo error either...
The title is exactly what I wanted to type...
As your SOW... so you reap...
SOW stands for "Start Of Week"

I was about to share this learning last Sunday but somehow I didn't. It so happened that I left my house last Monday in a less than happy mood and somehow every activity I took up during the week was getting completed but not in a good mood.
The last week only strengthened my faith in my belief...
My Teacher has taught me - "The Belief you hold at the beginning of the journey defines the journey"
I'm a strong believer in this one single statement and the ones close to me have seen this in my personal mails as a signature.
This statement came to me through my teacher somewhere in December 2009 and since then it turned my life around. All I had to do was adopt this statement as a thinking process and 2 and half years later this has become my second nature.
Very often, we begin our journey the wrong way... Monday morning is the best example I can think of right now.
We are starting off a new week tomorrow morning... Lets just do this small test...
Answer my questions honestly...
What is your thought process when you get up on a Monday morning?
What are you thinking when you get into your office on Monday morning?
Most of us... including me... are clearing up the backlog of previous Friday on the Monday morning. We could have easily sat for an extra 15 minutes on Friday evening and finished it up.

Infact these Monday morning symptoms are so strong, that we have even invented the term... "Monday Morning Blues"...
What I don't understand is how could someone be anything less than 100% on a Monday morning after 2 full days of recharge period. (unless you are doing some energy expenditure over the weekend)

Lets do this experiment and have a powerful start for our Monday tomorrow morning. After all, even our elders used to say the same thing... we just found a new meaning for it...

As your SOW... So you reap...
As your (Start Of Week)... so you reap... (the fruits of the week...)

Think about it...

Have a fantastic week ahead...

A Hundred Miles Travelled...

A hundred miles travelled…

A thousand seeds sown…

I know not which ones sprouted…

Alas… it shall never be known…

I do know that I did what I was meant to do

Maybe I took along a few fellow travelers too…

With Gratitude in my heart,…

I pray to that One force…

Let me just be the tool and You should be the source…

This is the hundredth sharing since I started writing this blog. Over this time a lot of learning has happened through life and whatever contributed to my growth became a sharing in this blog.

I do not know how many people have read the posts, which post clicked for you,  which one made a difference to you and which one was totally illogical, maybe a bit too extreme… (then again, those who know me well know that quite a few things I do border towards extreme)

What I do know is that it is never possible to make everyone happy. I just need to be myself, it may make some happy, it may make others not so happy.

Then again, I’m yet to meet someone who has the secret to make everyone happy.

What’s important for me is that atleast one person grew from every post that came through me. Atleast one person was never the same as before, after reading a sharing. If that has happened, I think the efforts have paid off…

There have been quite a few places where the sharings received encouraging feedback and some places where I got corrected…

Wherever I was able to touch your heart, my communication was clear and good. Wherever you think that I have not said something correct… it only means that I need to work more on the way I put things across…

I think this is a good time to share some of the nice comments which I have received over time…

So here we go…

http://gulshanseeks.blogspot.com/2012/04/cost-of-smile.html

-       This blog made me smileJ

http://gulshanseeks.blogspot.com/2011/12/alcohell.html

-      Little too extremist! Aren’t a few things made for adults, why to talk about kids consuming them? Everything in limited quantity is acceptable till one doesn’t end up being slave of same. Control lies in knowing how much can one handle and then abiding by the same…

http://gulshanseeks.blogspot.com/2011/12/did-i-say-that.html

-       your blogs are also as sweet as u… keep the good work going

http://gulshanseeks.blogspot.com/2011/11/my-anchor.html

-       interesting… ur blogs are going on different level

-       very true!! Rock on with your thinking hat!

http://gulshanseeks.blogspot.com/2011/10/strangers.html

-       stranger is none other than “MYSELF”

http://gulshanseeks.blogspot.com/2011/10/just-ask.html

-      Guls… rightly said… u need to have the urge to ask if you are in search of a solution… do not worry if the one you are asking is either a senior or junior… what matters is the answer / solution… This is what I have learnt from my previous Boss AJD… and Guls you will agree that you too have learnt this at AJD.

http://gulshanseeks.blogspot.com/2011/10/wants-and-needs.html

-       Life is definitely not about needs! Its about getting what you want

-       Guls… in such situations what I do is I analyse whether it is necessary to buy or not. I always buy or invest in something only when there is a need for it and not just because I like something. People do call me “kanjoos”… but that is how I am.

http://gulshanseeks.blogspot.com/2011/09/teacher.html

-       Good one I agree with you on this and dedicate the link to all my teachers as well

-       Good one dear… once again txs for your greetings and reminding me to wish my teacher and mentor… it was a great feeling when I received a reply from him… txs dude keep it up…

-       To the teachers over the world!!!

http://gulshanseeks.blogspot.com/2011/08/my-share.html

-       very nice… the best one so far.

http://gulshanseeks.blogspot.com/2011/06/train-journey.html

-       Even I wonder ‘where are you from’… ET?? Good one dear.!

http://gulshanseeks.blogspot.com/20110/11/behind-every-successful-man-there-is.html

-       very true… keep writing such facts about life…

http://gulshanseeks.blogspot.com/2010/10/that-feeling-of-sometimes-i-just-hate_28.html

-       nice post… a good food for thought for people running aimlessly through jobs!

http://gulshanseeks.blogspot.com/2012/05/for-time-being.html

(this comment is from a person who is an expert on Organisational Behaviour)

-      We need to work on communication at different levels in the organization. We take it for granted. We also assume so many things and don’t bother to check these assumptions. Many problems can be prevented if we do so. We need to develop courage to ask relevant and pertinent questions, but we have to dare to ask a question to ourselves – why Im am doing whatever I am doing? Thanks for the wake up call.

http://gulshanseeks.blogspot.com/2011/03/new-beginnings.html

-      This was nice. Reading between the lines it gives us quite a few messages. If one can stick to this, there can never be breakdowns in relationships. So nice of you to express like this. Keep it up.

These are just some of the responses I received through emails and facebook in addition to the ones already posted as comments on the respective blogs…

This is just those who chose to express… there must be many more…

Like I said in the beginning…  I do not know which of the seeds sown through me have borne what fruit to you…

Forever in Gratitude…

I'll answer your question but...

Recently I was having a chat with my friend and my friend asked me a question "Gulshan, even I want to stay always motivated and energetic like you, how can I do it? Whats your secret?
(yes... a few people actually think that I'm always motivated and energetic)
I almost answered his question but stopped in time. I asked him a question in return. I asked him -
"I will give you the answer... I'll tell you exactly what I do to stay active and motivated... but on one condition... Will you do exactly what I tell you to? Follow the exact steps?"

As expected, my friend rolled his eyes... gave an innocent puppy smile and said... "Well....."

I didn't give him the answer.

You know why?

He asked the question but did he really intend implement the answer?

A lot of people come for free advice... How do you stay so fit? How can you do this? How can you do that?

Earlier I used to be very excited to answer... but over a period of time I realised that the answers I give would not be used and become a matter of gossip behind my back...

We keep asking so many trivial questions - How do I increase my memory? How do I increase my concentration? How do I get fit? Do you think Ravana was really that bad? etc etc.

Be honest... you also would have asked such questions at some time in your life. I definitely have.
Did you get answers?
How many answers did you implement?

We keep asking all sorts of questions without any intention... correction... without any serious intention to implement them.
Infact some characters ask questions just for the sake of asking and don't even wait for the complete answer before moving on to the next topic...
Its nothing but a wastage of our time and others'.

Thats why I decided that whenever someone asks me a question for which I know the answer but I don't feel that person will implement the answer... I ask upfront... "I'll give you the answer but will you implement it?"
Generally its a pretty good way to understand whether the other person will respect the answer coming through me...

Split - Part 3

Please read this sharing with the understanding that I do not tell what to do... I just share what I do...
Got a few interesting comments on the earlier two sharings and you guys have asked me the exact questions for which I was planning to give the answers. So I figured that's the best place to start...


Comment 1 -
Agreed Gulshan completely the world will be a better place if these personalities were even.
Now one question yo have probably pointed out some cases let me ask a few questions
If u feel offended (small petty personal/corporate issue) by someone do you point it out the same way if he/she is
a. family
b. friend
c. colleague
d. boss
e. big boss
f. stranger


Answer:
First of all, my answer won't change based on whether it was personal or corporate issue. That is where the biggest split happens. If I'm not ok with something I have only 2 options - Either remove the problem or remove myself from there.
So, if someone has offended me, whether I will correct that person? - Yes... definitely yes... no split there.
Whether I will correct all of them in the same way? - No.
I know what you are thinking... Gotcha!!! even gullu has a split... let me just deviate with an example...
When I hug my wife... I get a smooch in return...
When I hug my sister... I get a peck on the cheek...
When I hug my mom... I get one on the forehead...
If I hug a female colleague... I'll probably get a sexual harassment policy slapped on me...
I don't even want to imagine what happens if I hug a stranger lady on the road...

If a positive hug needs to be handled delicately... just imagine what it would be when you have to give a negative feedback.
What we need to understand is that all of us share an emotional account with each other and how I receive your feedback will be very different from how your own wife would receive.
Correcting my family is the most important thing for me... correcting a stranger is the least...

Comment 2 - 
In my opinion we have a lot of corporate rules, that forces us to behave differently with different people.
We tend to behave nicely with boss as he will appraise us.
We tend to behave competitively with collegue as we are competing for that share of increment
I hope we will be able to collect the courage to move way from these splits and lead a transperent life.

Answer:
For starters, I don't believe that corporate rules force us to behave differently with different people. I just need to go to office, do my work, lead my team, be led by my team leader, update my reports and head back home.
Actually I am probably the most improperly behaving guy in the whole team even when the boss is around. And I have a habit of sharing anything new I learn with all my colleagues. I know that even if I share all that I know I will still be able to maintain enough edge to get my increments.
Problem happens - Split happens only over the coffee breaks when we speak about our seniors or juniors in their absence.

Comment 3 - 
Gulshan I agree that we do have splits.
I have adopted these splits to reduce fights in my personal relationship.
I have also adopted some of these splits in my professional life for visibility of my work and task.
At the core of my heart i know that this is manipulation and manipulation does not have longer life.
Is there a way we can get away from these splits?

Answer:
I had once given an answer to do a mirror test. Today its one more test... If you can look into the eyes of your loved one and hold that gaze... you don't have a split.
(Gulshan - why do you have a fixation on eyes??? Well... I am a strong believer in the power of eyes.)
Visibility in work place can be best achieved by work...
If I ever find out that a person manipulated me, I would not trust that person again.


Do you remember the last time you had to speak a lie. Remember how you had to keep a track of 2 different stories at the same time and keep remembering which one to tell to whom?
We are doing the same thing unconsciously by having splits.
Trick is to be consciously aware when the tongue and intentions are out of alignment.

A lot of theory / philosophy / gyan can be discussed here, but I think the answers that have come here through for the above 3 comments are much better than what I could have written myself.

If there are any questions unanswered... answer just might come through me at sometime... someday...

Split - Part 2

Ok... now you will ask me "What is the impact of these small, seemingly harmless splits on one's life? These are some of the things almost all of us do and no harm has come so far... Why do you have to exaggerate so much?"

I have only one question for you - "How do I know that the face I am seeing right now and talking to right now is the true face?"

How do I know that when I share something close to my heart, it will remain between us and not be misused?

How do I know that when I crack a joke, your laughter is genuine?

How do I know that when I give you the work, whether you are taking it up happily or not eventhough you are showing excitement?

How do I know that when you say you won't do something, you really won't do it?

How do I know that when you say you will do something, you really will do it?

Ok, too much of you... you... you... I'll take myself as an example...

We are standing at the middle of the road and I keep looking at each and every girl that passes by. If you know that I have a very wrong way of looking at girls... will you feel comfortable meeting me with your wife and sister?

You know that I drink every evening, will you bring your kids next to me?

You know that I pretend to work in front of you, but take too long to finish each work (I'm just wasting too much time behind your back)... will you delegate work to me?

I know what you are thinking... "these splits are still in very small and in unimportant places."

Humanly, it is not possible to have a watertight compartment inside our head... Whatever is our attitude in small things will also be our attitude in big things.

You want to check if you have a split within yourself... I'll give you one single test... (I'm a strong believer in this one)
Stand in front of a mirror and look into your eyes... see how long you can hold your own gaze...
You will either walk away more satisfied or you will walk away thinking...

Split - Part 1

This one's going to be long... Very long... So I'm going to split it into 3 parts.
First lets understand what is Split, then the impact of Splits in our day to day lives and then how do we fix it...

It was sometime ago when I went for an outing with my office colleagues and spouse. As always, I went ahead and freaked out, had fun, cracked my jokes, pulled a few legs, got pulled, enjoyed the trip.
At one point, a colleague of mine asked my wife... "Does this guy behave like this even at home?"... She replied - "He's always like that"
Of course, when we had some time for ourselves, my wife said the same thing - "You behave the same way  even with your colleagues, I expected you to behave properly and talk less atleast in your office atmosphere"

A few weeks ago, some of my batchmates were planning to go for a drinks party. One of them, refused to go along because his parents were in the city and he didn't want to drink and go home when the parents are home.
(I obviously didn't go). That got me to ask a question - "How easy is it for someone to behave differently when he's with a person, and behave totally differently when with different people?"

Look at the languaging of people around us:
When I'm with my dad / mom / spouse, I don't smoke / drink, otherwise its ok.
I don't speak like that in front of boss, with colleagues I can speak whatever I want
I don't think wrong about people when I'm in a temple, I'll take care of that **** when I meet him.
I don't eat non-veg on Fridays, other days its ok.

When I'm with this person, I do this, When I'm with that person, I do that.

In short, when we are with a more respected person, we behave differently. When we are with peers or alone, we behave differently.

We behave respectably when we are with another person because we respect that person. Sad part is we behave in an inferior manner when we are all by ourselves.
When your kids are not around, you smoke
When your parents are not around, you drink
When your boss is not around, you open facebook
When your wife is not with you, your attention is on every miniskirt and hipster around you

Does that actually mean that you don't respect yourself? coz it sure looks like that...

Ok Gulshan... So what... Just because I do something which I want to do doesn't make me wrong.

Definitely not.

The fact that you do something when nobody is watching and that you don't want to do it in front of your loved one... that makes it less than right...

Gulshan... do you think you are Buddha... that you haven't done anything wrong?

No... the only thing I am is a little bit more aware about myself... and I'm on the way... the one true loved one knows when I have done something wrong...

My teacher always says - What I do when the world is watching is my "Personality", What I do when nobody's watching is my "Character".

Is there a split between your Character and Personality??

How far will you go???

You might remember a post titled “Alcohell” which I had shared some time ago. Interestingly that was the one post which attracted maximum number of responses. Except for 2 people who agreed with it, rest all were trying to justify in some manner that “the item” is not that bad after all (that’s what I would prefer to call it rather than using the word alcohol over and over again in this post). Here are some of the interesting ones:

1.      ### - Gulshan, even doctors say that a few ml of red wine once in a while are good for heart.
Gulshan – Have you checked with your family doctor? Does he say the same thing?

2.      ### - Even our parents used to give us a spoon of Doctor Brandy when we were kids and got cold.
Gulshan – Mine used to give me honey, salt and ginger heated well which was followed by hot turmeric milk. Honestly, I think I have survived the colds pretty ok. Plus, in today’s time and age, we have much better medicines available.

3.      ### - (This one was a lady) – Gulshan, I think its ok to have a beer once in a while. Just one shouldn’t do any harm.
Gulshan – If your husband comes home after having beer and kisses you, will you kiss him back. Forget a mug, if he has just had a sip and gives out a very light smell, will you kiss him?
(Her silence was an answer for both of us)

4.      ### - Gulshan, you asked in the post, whether we will give just a drop to a new born? Its not fair to involve a new born baby in this context. We don’t even give chicken to a new born baby, we don’t give food to it also… then is food also bad?
Gulshan – You feel hurt when I speak of a new born right? Do your parents know that you have just a beer once in a while? Are they ok with it?
We don’t give food to a new born because his body is not ready for it yet. Doctors tell when to start solid food and then we start giving it. But I don’t know one single doctor who can tell the age for starting drinking.

5.      ### - Gulshan, what about times when doctors use the item to sedate a patient or to clean injuries?
Gulshan – That’s doctors, they know what to use, how much to use and when to use. And they use surgical alcohol, not some “xxx’s choice” or “xxx’s special” or “xxx walker” for surgeries.

All those who know me well know how strongly I feel against this foul fermented smelly liquid. This is the conviction I have found for myself and I am willing to go quite far to hold on to it.

We all know that advertisements of these drinks are banned in India. So these companies have found a new way for advertising their products… Instead of advertising for “xxx whisky” they advertise for “xxx packaged drinking water”, “xxx music cds” and flood the market with these products. (Of course, they have not manufactured any of it, they just outsource the brand name to some small time local manufacturers)

This is a classic example of Surrogate Advertisement (also known as subliminal messaging or subconscious advertisement)

The effect  of this kind of advertisement is so powerful that even if you ask a non-drinker to name any five alcoholic brands, “xxx” will be the first name he says.

Why??? Because everytime he drinks water, he sees the brand name on the bottle and subconsciously registers the information.

Once, the brand of water supplied in my client’s place was changed to “xxx packaged drinking water”. Next day, I took my own water bottle to work. One of the employees noticed and asked if there was a problem with the water provided there. I said that the bottle contained a label of an alcoholic brand and I did not want it on my desk, so I brought my own bottle.

He looked at me as if I was from some other planet (actually, I’m getting quite used to that look) and said “That’s a bit too extreme”. I just said – “Yep… that it is”

Just in case you are wondering how extreme it could get… let me clarify it for you…

I don’t give treats which involve taking you to a place and getting you drunk...

I don’t pay for any treats which have this item as one of the served…

I don’t directly or indirectly pay for anybody’s drinks…

I don’t use any products so much as containing a name of it… (our mind is something very valuable, it has to be kept pure… And I intend to take care of whatever of it I have)

I don’t consume any medication for cold which contains any form of alcohol… even when consulting a doctor, I request him to prescribe an alcohol free medicine and most doctors are happy to oblige…

I don’t get involved in a gathering where it is being consumed…

I don’t use deo sprays…

I don't take Strepsils...

Knowingly or unknowingly I tend to keep a distance from friends who are it’s regular consumers…

My teacher once told me – “Find a conviction and hold on to it. If you stand for something, you won’t fall for anything.”

I have found mine and I’m willing to go any distance to hold on to it.

You conviction could be anything… vegetarianism, a particular religion, a particular God, honesty… anything…

How far are you willing to go to hold on to your conviction?